Erik30 Posted December 2, 2019 Share Posted December 2, 2019 Would you be OK with being just "texting buddies" with someone who lives near you? Basically, someone who I met a couple of years ago online (long distance) recently moved to a city near me. I thought it might be fun for us to grab a beer, but she told me that just us texting is enough for her....and she texts me a lot, but she doesn't want anything beyond that. She doesn't think it's necessary for us to hang out. Now it feels a bit weird texting her, maybe even insulting, since she lives so close there's a chance we might run into each other, like "I'm not good enough for you to hang out with, but texting me when you're bored is fine?" I do enjoy our conversations, but now that I know how she views our friendship it kind of feels like I'm wasting my time on a person who doesn't think I'm worth her time... and it might be better for me to focus on "real" friends who actually do want to see me. I never had someone just bluntly tell me they don't want to hang out (nothing romantic going on by the way) I don't have a ton of friends so I appreciate the contact, but it doesn't feel quite right anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted December 2, 2019 Share Posted December 2, 2019 something similar to this was my first post here, this can be a pretty demoralising and hateful situation for you, I think you have to value yourself more, if this individual is not willing to meet you in person, they are not worthy of your text time or any amount of your time, ignoring them not responding to any more of their texts, is probably the best way to play it, channel your energy into building alternative friends and meeting more genuine people. easier said than done, but perhaps simply blank this person from your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Erik30 Posted December 3, 2019 Author Share Posted December 3, 2019 something similar to this was my first post here, this can be a pretty demoralising and hateful situation for you, I think you have to value yourself more, if this individual is not willing to meet you in person, they are not worthy of your text time or any amount of your time, ignoring them not responding to any more of their texts, is probably the best way to play it, channel your energy into building alternative friends and meeting more genuine people. easier said than done, but perhaps simply blank this person from your life. Thanks! She also kind of made me look like a jerk if would be asking for more than texting... That actually made me question if I was asking for too much perhaps. I'm probably not going to block her, but I'm definitely not treating her like a priority anymore. No more hours of back and forth texting Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 3, 2019 Share Posted December 3, 2019 I don't like texting so I wouldn't put a great deal of effort into it but occasionally when I'm bored, sure why not? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted December 3, 2019 Share Posted December 3, 2019 From a different perspective - much of my life I have had a "pen pal". Different ones over time, but someone I usually correspond with for a few years. Pen pal and I talk about things that we might not admit to a friend, we can talk about stuff in a different way that regular friends would. And part of what makes it work is boundaries - like we know we will never meet in person. We email instead of text - but still, I have no ill will, certainly not "hateful" towards my pen pal, but the fact is, they are a pen pal not anything more. Op - if you are both single, she might just be maintaining a boundary - you know what they say about opposite sex friends (that the guy often wants something more). And if she isn't single, well then all the more reason for boundaries. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 3, 2019 Share Posted December 3, 2019 It's possible that it's not about you. I wonder if she is extreme introvert and doesn't like to go out or to be with people. Does she have a full social life or is she a homebody? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 3, 2019 Share Posted December 3, 2019 Honestly, if you have any emotional attachment, you should just block her and move on. Who cares what her reason is? It IS insulting. And fruitless and silly. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Erik30 Posted December 3, 2019 Author Share Posted December 3, 2019 From a different perspective - much of my life I have had a "pen pal". Different ones over time, but someone I usually correspond with for a few years. Pen pal and I talk about things that we might not admit to a friend, we can talk about stuff in a different way that regular friends would. And part of what makes it work is boundaries - like we know we will never meet in person. We email instead of text - but still, I have no ill will, certainly not "hateful" towards my pen pal, but the fact is, they are a pen pal not anything more. Op - if you are both single, she might just be maintaining a boundary - you know what they say about opposite sex friends (that the guy often wants something more). And if she isn't single, well then all the more reason for boundaries. Thanks, you may have a point about her boundaries. We talk about very private things, yet there's also a lot she doesn't share with me. We have met once in person about a year ago though. We're both single, but I also have other single female friends and hanging out with them has never been a problem... but I guess it could be for her. Before she moved, she used to talk about certain movies we might watch together some day, so I don't know what changed Link to post Share on other sites
Author Erik30 Posted December 3, 2019 Author Share Posted December 3, 2019 It's possible that it's not about you. I wonder if she is extreme introvert and doesn't like to go out or to be with people. Does she have a full social life or is she a homebody? Yeah she actually is an introvert, but she has an active social life Link to post Share on other sites
Author Erik30 Posted December 3, 2019 Author Share Posted December 3, 2019 Honestly, if you have any emotional attachment, you should just block her and move on. Who cares what her reason is? It IS insulting. And fruitless and silly. Thanks.That was pretty much my first instinct, but I wasn't sure if I was overreacting... yeah I thought it was an insult Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 3, 2019 Share Posted December 3, 2019 Anyone would be hurt and insulted if someone they've been talking to and confiding in on the internet move to the area and then made clear they didn't ever want to see you but wanted to keep yapping. She sounds very selfish and self-indulgent. Not thinking of you at all. Who needs it. Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted December 3, 2019 Share Posted December 3, 2019 Erik30 you are not overreacting. She's basically using you for her own entertainment if she has told you she never wants to hang out in person. That's the same as telling you, "you're just an option to me, not a priority." Stop allowing her to monopolize your valuable time, that you could spend with your female and male friends offline, in person instead. Let her go find another text buddy. I'm sure she has others. You need to make yourself a priority here. Block her. Delete her number. Since there's no chance of ever meeting her in person again, or hanging out to develop a friendship then there really is no point in wasting all of your time texting with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted December 3, 2019 Share Posted December 3, 2019 I don't mean to be rude, but "text buddy"? Is she twelve? Don't put up with this crap. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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