Gender roles in relationship - gifting

[mortensorchid]

I have posted on these topics somewhat in the past. Yet, I am questioning myself about things because we are living in a very strange world these days in more ways than one.

 

I am a gifter, I like buying gifts for others and seeing them happy with something I have given them. It doesn't have to expensive but it's meaningful. I even liked giving things in the form of baked goods to coworkers - last year I had a job at a boarding school where I baked cookies and brownies and whatnot and shared them with the staff. I admit, motivations were to be in the good graces of the staff, particularly my boss (which didn't work but that's another story).

 

It's okay to bake something for a new boyfriend, I baked him some cookies and he was happy with them. I am thinking of baking some more cookies and muffins as we get closer to the holiday season.

 

How do others feel about a woman giving something out of kilter to a man? I'd like to hear from both the men and women on this. How would you feel about getting something like flowers or jewelry to a man? I admit, I got this idea from an unlikely source - the other day I was reading The Dirt, the Motley Crue tell all, and Tommy Lee was talking about when he was dating Heather Locklear (yes, they were married - people have forgotten about it but they were). He said once they were an item, she bought him flowers all the time. And he loved them. Once he said he always wanted to go motor biking, and he opens the door and the next morning he had a brand new motor bike on his doorstep. He was overjoyed.

 

Anything on this? Not that celebrities are better than anyone else, but this is where I got the information from.

[chillii]

l really enjoy it. love a thoughtful caring woman.

Means a lot to me, although l'd feel strange with something too big, just simple and thoughtful though l love.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I love giving gifts too. The whole process of planning what to give and the meaning behind it. It feels good.

 

Some men love that sort of thing. It's pretty obvious early on if he's that way inclined or not. Not all men will like flowers either. If you're going to test the waters with that, I'd keep it simple.

 

There might be something behind that five love languages theory. I admit I'm way more attracted to a man who enjoys giving and receiving affection in that way.

[thefooloftheyear]

I consider myself good at a lot of things in this life, but shopping/gifting isn't one..

 

I'll do just about anything for anyone I care about (and most who know me would agree), and expect really nothing in return, but if you out and get me something then I am obligated to return the favor...which just puts me in the position of having to do something that I am neither good at or enjoy doing, really...Id rather you just take my money and shop for yourself...

 

I don't think I am alone in this thinking...but who knows??...I am kind of weird..

 

TFY

[salparadise]

I like receiving thoughtful gifts. For example, I'd feel great receiving a little vase of wildflowers or a small, colorful assortment... but big, expensive flowers (like a dozen roses) from a florist would probably feel over the top and inappropriate to me. Practically speaking, spending $75-100 on flowers seems too extravagant for a gesture, and something that will be thrown out a few days later. It's the thought that counts, not the expense.

 

My ex-wife was the opposite. She liked me to spend money. At Christmas I'd rack my brain trying to figure out just the right thing, and then blow hundreds on jewelry or whatever to try and meet expectations and make her feel good. She'd usually be gracious at the time, but often would later criticize my choice somehow. A total mind-phukk and waste of $$ and effort.

 

I always wished she would put some thought into gifts, and always hoped for something that indicated intention. I am a toy-gadget type of guy, and admittedly not easy to buy for as I am particular about things. I left plenty of clues though. Typically she'd wait until the last day and not have time to order, so she'd stop at TJMax and pick up a shirt, and stop at B&N (next to TJMax) and buy me a random book. in 23 years I can count on one hand the times I was surprised to the upside.

 

Gift giving is a morass of expectations and disappointment. Inexpensive but thoughtful is the key to happiness in this arena, IMHO.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I hate giving gifts. When I go shopping for other people, I end up buying things for myself and then cram all the gift shopping in 10 minutes.

 

 

I live receiving thoughtful gifts though, just don't expect me to reciprocate.

 

 

I have recently calculated how much it costs me to buy gifts for friends and family's children. I made an announcement that since I don't have children, there won't be any gift buying for other's children. Fair deal.

[d0nnivain]

It depends on the man. There are a few who wouldn't like flowers & many who would. As a thoughtful gifter you presumably know your recipients so gift away.

[chillii]

The day my woman left for up home last time, l pruned a tree. She made a vase out of the leaves and left a little note, l didn't see it until l got back from the airport, loved it, and she left a little something under my pillow. Both free , both beautiful.

The soul yet simplicity in things like this she does mean the world to me. She makes and leaves me lots of things around the house, and then just lets me discover them, messages, makes something.

Edited December 3, 2019 by chillii

[Els]

How do others feel about a woman giving something out of kilter to a man? I'd like to hear from both the men and women on this.

 

 

My thought is: What's a kilter???

 

 

How would you feel about getting something like flowers or jewelry to a man?

 

 

I really doubt most men would care for flowers or jewelry, but there are so many other things you can buy. I usually get H tech stuff or something alcoholic, FWIW.

[alphamale]

Man here:

 

I would NOT like getting flowers, they do nothing for me

I would NOT like getting jewelry, mainly cause I don't wear any

[RecentChange]

Part of this boils down to love languages.

 

For me, giving and receiving gifts is a low priority for me, kinda at the bottom. I don't get a lot out of it.

 

For instance, I would MUCH prefer that money be spent on a nice evening out on the town, maybe a concert and a nice dinner rather than jewelery.

 

And I prefer to cook for someone, give a massage etc over buying gifts. Acts of service over "gifting".

 

My husband occasionally buys flowers - but what he does more often and I appreciate much more - is picks flowers and hand crafts a love note. I put a lot more value on the little bouquet he hand picked rather than something he picked up at a store.

 

As for gender roles - my husband doesn't wear any jewelery, so that wouldn't be a good gift, nor do I think he would appreciate a bouquet of flowers.

 

I have however bought gifts like a new motorcycle jacket he had been eyeing for a while - stuff like that. Things I know he wants and would use, but is hesitating to buy.

[RecentChange]

My thought is: What's a kilter???

 

I really doubt most men would care for flowers or jewelry, but there are so many other things you can buy. I usually get H tech stuff or something alcoholic, FWIW.

 

I agree - I think few men would appreciate gifts of this sort.

 

And I assume OP meant "off kilter"

 

I think some men do like getting gifts, but few would enjoy traditionally feminine gifts.

[alphamale]

by all means if you have a gay male friend you may ask them if they would like flowers/jewelry as a gift

[chillii]

Yeah , l wouldn't normally be into flowers or anything that to me girlie

But that was the thing about the leaves, that was one of our native trees.

The leaves in something you would never think, not from this tree, nothing pretty or flowery about it's leaves, but the way she did it was raw almost ugly,masculine you might say, yet it also looked really cool, she knew that.

l do like jewelry of sorts , masculine stuff, but fussy so l don't like it given to me really because it lasts a life time so if you didn't like it , kinda awkward.

 

Besides , don't really like expensive stuff, l'd prefer something from the heart, the wallets too easy, the hearts another matter. ps , mind you , she can buy me power tools though till her hearts content hahaaa

Edited December 3, 2019 by chillii

[nospam99]

MO, if this is your 2-month-new-guy-20-year-ago-friend of course bake him more cookies. Other gifts are up to your 'read' of what he'd appreciate. He may very well appreciate ANYTHING as long as it's from you. In spite of some 'aspects' (cough, cough) of your relationship that, as discussed elsewhere, are developing 'slowly', everything you've written (we don't know his side) sounds like he cares very much for you. As a 'somewhat typical' guy, I can say that any gift received from 'my woman' is special (even though, for me, gifts are NOT my 'language of love').

[major_merrick]

Since this is a new relationship, I'd stick with more gender-traditional stuff. Bake him more cookies, or get him something like steak. "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach." When you know each other better, you can branch out and adapt to each other's personalities.

Even in my relationship, my husband and I have somewhat traditional gift-giving roles. I do services more than gifts, and I'm often the helping hand in the garage. Sometimes I make some nice food, and of course I'm always physically available. I don't ask for stuff, but my husband spoils me anyways. He makes the house comfortable, and gets me things that surprise me. Usually men are bigger gift-givers in a relationship than women.