Partying with coworkers OK?

[d0nnivain]

And I guess everyone is different, but I don't think staying out until 1-2 on a weekend night is that out of the ordinary or crazy.

 

It is when you have two kids under the age of 10.

[clia]

It is when you have two kids under the age of 10.

 

Who are at home, in bed, being cared for by their father. He's made it pretty clear she's not out doing this every night.

 

I guess I must lead a different lifestyle or know different types of people, because many of the parents I know (who are responsible professionals) still go out and have fun, sometimes until 1 or 2 a.m. on a weekend night.

[Mr. Lucky]

which means she's only going out 2-3 times a week, once or twice with her girlfriends and once with her coworkers.

 

Simply doesn't pass the reasonable man test. Go out with friends once a week until the wee hours? Sure...

 

Stop by before dinner a couple nights a week for a quick drink with friends or coworkers? Sure, though neither seems ideal for someone already with a DUI.

 

But leave your spouse and young children behind so you can 'party' until closing time 2-3 times a week? That's a single person's life, something the OP's wife is not.

 

Something - or more than one something - amiss here...

 

Mr. Lucky

[RecentChange]

Who are at home, in bed, being cared for by their father. He's made it pretty clear she's not out doing this every night.

 

I guess I must lead a different lifestyle or know different types of people, because many of the parents I know (who are responsible professionals) still go out and have fun, sometimes until 1 or 2 a.m. on a weekend night.

 

I have to admit, I live in a very urban area.

 

My husband works in the alcohol industry (so yes late night events, and drinking are part of the game).

 

We do not have children.

 

For us, sure, we end up out late on week days here and there - but the parents?

 

I can't say the same. They generally leave early. My husband works with a number of men who are fathers (and a few mothers - it's a male dominated industry), and it's understood that expect for very rare occasions - usually when they have a sitter and the wife can come out as well for example - they leave early to go home to their families.

[BaileyB]

But leave your spouse and young children behind so you can 'party' until closing time 2-3 times a week? That's a single person's life, something the OP's wife is not.

 

For my friend, we are lucky if we can find time to get together once a month. And even at that, we are usually home in our beds by 10-11pm because everyone has to get up early the next morning for swimming, or hockey, or just because it Saturday and the kids know you can sleep in - but don’t!

 

In terms of work gatherings, maybe 2-3 times a year. And then, it’s drinks and dinner... most people are home by 7-8 to say goodnight to their kids and have some time to relax with their husband .

 

I’m not sure who these people are that your wife is partying with OP... but I tend to agree - once in a while, no problem. More than once a week, staying out until the wee hours, that would be a problem for me.

[Faithful1975]

Not to pile on with everyone else but something is definitely "up" with your wife.

 

I have no clue what's going on but everything you wrote tells me that your wife is wanting to live as if she is single and she clearly does not want you in the mix. I'm not saying she is messing around but if she is going out, and a lot of of drinking is involved, inevitably something will happen.

 

I have been in corporate America for years and I can tell you that I have seen many marriages, and relationships, be destroyed because of partying with co-workers. I can also personally tell you that in my younger years, prior to being married myself, I had several hook-ups with co-workers that came directly out of work events.

 

I would really have a serious discussion with your wife and get to the bottom of what's going on with her.

[Berteau]

I find her actions highly inappropriate, and an inappropriate company culture likely run by men who have or will cheat with someone at work. They are just using team building as an excuse. I would expect young singles staying out that late. Not older married professionals.

[preraph]

I mean, as long as these Friday evening company parties aren't every week, then I guess that's the culture in her industry. I was in an industry where late night promotional parties were the norm. I didn't know finance was like that. When I worked at a tax place, they too had happy hours and I bailed early because I'd be bored and tired. But it's common enough for companies to do this. Sometimes it's because some client wants to smooze them about something, sell them something, butter them up. So I guess it's important to know the context.

 

She sounds like she really likes all this activity. I get that it takes time away from you, and I think it's weird that given all this, she thinks YOU demand too much time, but it's because she enjoys doing all this social stuff. It's great she has a strong friend circle. I hope you are occasionally invited, but having spouses around a hen party does dampen things because women talk about a lot of stuff, stuff you'd be bored with and they'd know you were bored with.

 

So how often are these late night parties with the company? I say if it's once a week, that's too much to be mandatory and to last that late. But if it's got clients involved, it's kind of necessary, but it's not necessary to last for hours like that! Still, you don't make her company rules and that seems to be the culture. If it's once a month, just leave it alone. It sounds like you two do spend time alone, so her life sounds really really busy to keep up with all that, honestly. But she seems to like it.

 

As in anything with spouses, compromise is key. Be sure you understand if these business parties are client driven or just a bunch of office drunks, if you can get her to tell you. Just out of curiosity.

[major_merrick]

Since you're dealing with a woman and not a man, I think I'd emphasize the emotional aspect. As in, rather than trying to seem logical or negative (not that your are), focus on telling her that when she is out that you miss her. You want to see her at the end of the week, you want to be with her.

 

As others have pointed out, I think this may be more about the alcohol. The party environment allows her to conceal the issue from herself. I dealt with this a while back when my husband was staying out with his friends and drinking a lot. When he was able to step back from that, he was able to step back from alcohol. It is concerning that she lost her license due to drinking but it hasn't stopped her habit. She is unable to take a lesson from negative consequences, and that doesn't bode well for her willingness to change.