Why Do People Keep Asking?

[Gmartz]

Person: "Hey, I'm going to Starbucks, do you want anything?"

Me: "No, I'm good. Thanks."

Person: "Are you sure? You don't want a blended or a coffee?"

Me: "I'm ok, thank you."

Person: "Nothing to eat? It's on me!"

Me: "No, I'm fine really. I appreciate it."

Person: "Come on! It's on me!"

Me: "Argh"

 

 

 

 

I get that they are just being nice but is it an insecurity thing

with them? Why don't they process the information I'm giving

them? Should I just say YES to make them feel better about

themselves?

 

 

I don't get it.

Edited December 3, 2019 by Gmartz

[vla1120]

I get that from co-workers when they see I haven't brought anything in for lunch, and I don't make a move to go out and get lunch. Is that possibly what's happening? Do they see you with no food/drink all day?

[Gmartz]

I get that from co-workers when they see I haven't brought anything in for lunch, and I don't make a move to go out and get lunch. Is that possibly what's happening? Do they see you with no food/drink all day?

 

 

 

I think with one particular co-worker of mine, he usually asks relentlessly like that when he's going to Starbucks while it's busy in the office. Like, maybe he feels guilty going because it's busy so, he wants to rope someone else in and get them something too.

[Gmartz]

Here's another example (staying over at a good friend's house):

 

 

Them: "You're welcome to sleep on this pull out couch in the living room or in the spare bedroom."

Me: "I'm fine on the couch, this is great. Thanks."

Them: "Are you sure? The bed will probably be more comfortable."

Me: "No, I don't mind the couch, I like the couch. I'll be good."

Them: "Yeah, but then you won't be bugged if we wake up early and walk through the living room."

 

 

And I'm thinking... "Then why did you offer the couch?"

 

 

It must be a piece of mind or comfort thing for people. They will push

for what will make THEM feel better.

 

 

And I'm over here like... whatevs. Haha

[vla1120]

That makes total sense that your co-worker wants to rope someone else in so he has an excuse for leaving the office when it's busy.

 

It sounds like the friend offering the sofa then realized they won't have free rein of the house if you're sleeping on the sofa, so pushed for the spare bedroom.

 

Now that you mention it, I think I have a tendency to do this when giving my daughters choices about things, like our Christmas tree placement discussion this weekend. I gave them a couple of choices, then started saying "Or we could move this table and put it here....if we move this table, we can put this recliner over there and have the tree in front of the window...", etc. In the end, the were like "Just put it wherever, mom!":lmao:

 

I tend to toss out ideas as I think of them, maybe that's what others do, as well.

[preraph]

Since it's in the office, it's probably self-serving, wanting to make it look like instead of just screwing around and going and getting himself a coffee that he's helping the whole office and doing everybody a favor.

[Ruby Slippers]

I used to work at a place where these two ladies would go get Starbucks and bring it back to the office all the time. They'd always ask me if I wanted something, and I declined because I was frugal and didn't need to spend $5 on a latte when I could make one with my little espresso maker for 25 cents in ingredients.

 

Then I realized it was a bonding thing for them. One day I finally said OK, and they were SO HAPPY I had joined the club, went on for days about our Starbucks.

 

So yes, I agree with you that it's often about them and their experience. And sometimes it's a good idea to indulge them for the "greater good."

[K.K.]

Person: "Hey, I'm going to Starbucks, do you want anything?"

Me: "No, I'm good. Thanks."

Person: "Are you sure? You don't want a blended or a coffee?"

Me: "I'm ok, thank you."

Person: "Nothing to eat? It's on me!"

Me: "No, I'm fine really. I appreciate it."

Person: "Come on! It's on me!"

Me: "Argh"

 

 

 

 

I get that they are just being nice but is it an insecurity thing

with them? Why don't they process the information I'm giving

them? Should I just say YES to make them feel better about

themselves?

 

 

I don't get it.

 

Oh no I do this all the time! I never thought it could be seen as a bad thing now I feel bad.

 

The reason I do it is because I feel like I want to do something nice for them. No other reason in the world. I keep asking because I feel like they probably do want whatever I’m going to the store for but they don’t want to impose. I guess I just want to assure them that I don’t mind. I want them to be happy and would be happy to do something nice for them. Because it makes me happy to make them happy.

 

I will rethink that now and maybe only ask once. I definitely don’t mean to offend them.

[vla1120]

Oh no I do this all the time! I never thought it could be seen as a bad thing now I feel bad.

 

The reason I do it is because I feel like I want to do something nice for them. No other reason in the world. I keep asking because I feel like they probably do want whatever I’m going to the store for but they don’t want to impose. I guess I just want to assure them that I don’t mind. I want them to be happy and would be happy to do something nice for them. Because it makes me happy to make them happy.

 

I will rethink that now and maybe only ask once. I definitely don’t mean to offend them.

 

It’s not offensive! I never get offended. I know my co-workers are just making sure because they NEVER let me pay, so I always say “No.” ?

[spiderowl]

People are just being caring. Just be patient and reassure them you are ok.

My kids have a ‘thing’ about being asked something ‘more than once’. They accuse me of doing it and in fact my whole family. It is just the way people show care and consideration where I come from. I think my kids are rude to complain about it. They should be glad someone cares enough to ask!