All out of ideas...

[Happy Lemming]

Just now, Thelambofdeth said:

There's one in the same district.

I've met women there, as well.  Usually inquiring about a book or author.  Some used book stores have an attached coffee shop.

 

Do you think maybe you could wander into that used book store and attempt to talk to a woman??

[Thelambofdeth]

25 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I'm introverted too.   People who are introverted need alone time in order to recover after socialising.  But they can certainly be warm and sociable.   What you are describing is something else.   When you say that it takes time for you to warm up to people, how do you react if the person you start talking with shows genuine friendliness towards you and can hold up their end of the conversation easily?     With your photos, do you choose photos in which you are smiling?  Or doing something interesting?  

So if you can talk to an attractive woman at work, then you CAN talk to an attractive woman.   Try doing it in a social situation without a goal of getting a date - no pressure.  Also, it would be wise to question why you have these attractive women on a pedestal.  Given that beauty is only skin deep, what makes them more frightening than regular women?  

 

This thing about you being an exceptional, genuine listener who can steer a conversation if it loses steam.  I find this hard to imagine if you come off as haughty, detatched, judgemental, slow to warm up and are 'forced' to talk.   A good listener is one of these latter things.  Which one are you really?

 

The thing with rejection is that you need to mitigate the risks by building a rapport first.  Use those great listening skills to get some great conversation happening and pique her interest.   With garnering opportunities, how often do you go out with your friends?  Do you have both male and female friends?   Are you prepared to date women who are average in looks?  After all, most of us are degrees of average.

 

I can come off as blunt and matter of fact unless I've warmed up. My hesitation to participate in conversations stems from my self-awareness. I have a dark sense or humor, I'm sarcastic, and agitative in my normal state. That's my personality, that's how I am around friends. But in realize I can't be that way around people I don't know, so I hold back most of myself in conversations. If someone does show genuine friendless, I reciprocate with cordialness. But I don't let down my wall and be myself until I can tell its viably applicable. And no, I don't really smile in photographs, and jm pretty boring so I suppose my pictures reflect that...

 

Well yes in the literal sense. If were talking semantic, I can have a static, superfluous dialogue with anyone. And I have attractive women on a pedestal because of low self-esteem. I cannot imagine a circimstance in which I wouldn't be rejected physically by an attractive woman, so I just avoid them.

 

The two aren't mutually exclusive. I'm naturally a good-listener, often to a fault. But that's often useless among a sea of extroverts. Those preconceptions are usually laced from afar or during conversations in which I don't interject. Yet, when actually given the chance to talk I'm not a total detached log. I've had friends muse that people got that impression of me because I was so vacant during conversation. Yet I've also been told people whom I thought I made a sour impression on, didn't dislike me as much as I initially believed. Basically, people assume alot given my aloof demeanor, but when I'm actually an able participant, I'm not wholly detested.

 

I have no real female friends. Discluding my ex, which hardly counts. I don't really have the chance to make any. The only thing most of my friends really do is go to bars, so opportunity to gain female friends aren't exactly aplenty.

 

Lol as mentioned in a previous post, I have pretty low physical standards. As long as she isn't fat, distractingly ugly(since I am certainly not the former, and not the latter I believe), and I have enough in common with her, looks aren't vital. I just naturally have weird tastes, anyway. My preference is nerdy, weird or alternative women. Hell, many of the women I find attractive my friends believe I could do better than.(delicious irony) So no, average looks are not a concern to me. Vagrants can't exactly be choosy, anyway.

 

19 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

I've met women there, as well.  Usually inquiring about a book or author.  Some used book stores have an attached coffee shop.

 

Do you think maybe you could wander into that used book store and attempt to talk to a woman??

 

Must be nice...

 

Do you want me to tell the truth or lie?

Edited December 10, 2019 by Thelambofdeth

[d0nnivain]

You say you do OK in professional settings.  At some point you mentioned being in sales so you can talk to people.  You actually have that skill even if you refuse to admit it.  Somehow in your head you have concluded that you can't talk to women you find attractive in a social setting.  Once you decided that "truth" about yourself you buy into & refuse to try. 

 

My husband is an introvert with what you call a resting B-face.  He prefers to hide behind dark glasses most of the time.  Based on his years in the military, his casual stance is parade rest, which is way rigid for most people.  Frankly if you don't know him, at his most casual he looks like an on-duty Secret Service Agent, without the wire in his ear & you just "know" he's standing there thinking about the easiest way to kill you.  He's not exactly a warm, fuzzy, approachable guy.  He is also fairly clueless.  People hit on him all the time but he has no idea. 

 

You probably share characteristics with him.  

 

This is why I suggested that you engage the services of a professional company to improve your social skills & get you over the psychological hurdle you have placed in your own way.  

[Happy Lemming]

16 minutes ago, Thelambofdeth said:

Do you want me to tell the truth or lie?

Where do you think you would be comfortable talking to a woman?? 

[Thelambofdeth]

49 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

You say you do OK in professional settings.  At some point you mentioned being in sales so you can talk to people.  You actually have that skill even if you refuse to admit it.  Somehow in your head you have concluded that you can't talk to women you find attractive in a social setting.  Once you decided that "truth" about yourself you buy into & refuse to try. 

 

My husband is an introvert with what you call a resting B-face.  He prefers to hide behind dark glasses most of the time.  Based on his years in the military, his casual stance is parade rest, which is way rigid for most people.  Frankly if you don't know him, at his most casual he looks like an on-duty Secret Service Agent, without the wire in his ear & you just "know" he's standing there thinking about the easiest way to kill you.  He's not exactly a warm, fuzzy, approachable guy.  He is also fairly clueless.  People hit on him all the time but he has no idea. 

 

You probably share characteristics with him.  

 

This is why I suggested that you engage the services of a professional company to improve your social skills & get you over the psychological hurdle you have placed in your own way.  

 

Welp, the difference is he seem to exhibit universally perceived alpha behavior and people are naturally attracted to that. That strong, silent, cool kind of introvert. People are often curious and want to engage that type of person to find out more about them. That is gravely dissimilar to the impression I give off. The stuffy, weird introvert that gets ignored.

 

As it stands I'm not clueless. Quite the inverse to a fault, possibly. Considering I'm often not the one talking, I'm observing. I'm analytical and I study. I see how people interact. I'm aware of the subtle ways women hit on or allow themselves to be approached by men they're interested in. I see them perform these acts for other people all the time. The glances, the smiles, hoving, etc. The stark difference is I get none of that. Despite being a 6'3" guy in a three piece suit I'm blatantly transparent. I get compliments concering my attire from dudes dozen of times, yet I cannot recall a single instance in which a female ever has. Women don't look at me or randomly sit near me or hover or whatever else they do to give hints or signs. That's a large part of my hesitation to initiate anything because I never recieve indicators of interest.

 

My jobs in college were literally a sales man and front desk agent at a hotel. I've dealt hands on with customers/guests for years. But its compartmentalized. Those are interactions based on products or services. I know why I'm there, and why the people are. I'm selling something. That's the extent of the interaction. A business transactions. Theres no personal pressure. Random engagement with people is totally different. Pears and tangerines.

 

41 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Where do you think you would be comfortable talking to a woman?? 

Depressingly, I haven't the slightest inkling.

Edited December 10, 2019 by Thelambofdeth

[Happy Lemming]

2 minutes ago, Thelambofdeth said:

Depressingly, I haven't the slightest inkling.

How about you just go into that used book store and get the "lay of the land"...  You don't have to talk to anyone, just go in wander around, learn where things are, maybe buy a used book and leave.  That could be baby step 1. 

 

After you get that accomplished we'll come up with a baby step 2.

 

What do you think??

[Thelambofdeth]

1 minute ago, Happy Lemming said:

How about you just go into that used book store and get the "lay of the land"...  You don't have to talk to anyone, just go in wander around, learn where things are, maybe buy a used book and leave.  That could be baby step 1. 

 

After you get that accomplished we'll come up with a baby step 2.

 

What do you think??

I think step one is a sound suggestion.

[Happy Lemming]

6 minutes ago, Thelambofdeth said:

I think step one is a sound suggestion.

Great...  You will succeed in beating this unjustified fear.

 

I'm here with you and we'll do it in small steps...

 

Well, its quite late where I'm at and its time for me to get some sleep.

 

Enjoy the balance of your evening...

 

 

Edited December 10, 2019 by Happy Lemming

[Thelambofdeth]

Just now, Happy Lemming said:

Great...  You will succeed in beating this unjustified fear.

 

I'm here with you and we'll do it in small steps...

 

Well, its quite late where I'm at and its time for this rodent to crawl into his hole and get some sleep.

 

Enjoy the balance of your evening...

 

 

You as well.

[basil67]

So you're sarcastic and agitative in your natural state.  Yes, I can see why this would present you with problems.   The old saying about women preferring douche bags really isn't true, is it.  Question is, do you truly like who you are?    I ask this of you having changed how I present to the world.  I have learned in social situations to keep disagreeable opinions to myself.  I have learned to not be combative, to smile and be friendly.    Honestly, would you rather be your disagreeable self with no girlfriend or would you rather work at being a warm and kind man who women are at ease with?  

 

No surprise you're not getting female attention wearing a three piece suit.  I'm struggling to think of any occasion where it would be appropriate attire. Even a ball doesn't call for a three piece suit.  

 

If you want a girlfriend, learn to be a nicer person and learn to dress for the occasion.   It really is this simple. 

Edited December 10, 2019 by basil67

[Thelambofdeth]

31 minutes ago, basil67 said:

So you're sarcastic and agitative in your natural state.  Yes, I can see why this would present you with problems.   The old saying about women preferring douche bags really isn't true, is it.  Question is, do you truly like who you are?    I ask this of you having changed how I present to the world.  I have learned in social situations to keep disagreeable opinions to myself.  I have learned to not be combative, to smile and be friendly.    Honestly, would you rather be your disagreeable self with no girlfriend or would you rather work at being a warm and kind man who women are at ease with?  

 

No surprise you're not getting female attention wearing a three piece suit.  I'm struggling to think of any occasion where it would be appropriate attire. Even a ball doesn't call for a three piece suit.  

 

If you want a girlfriend, learn to be a nicer person and learn to dress for the occasion.   It really is this simple. 

In my experience women seem to love douchebags. See, if I don't know you, and aren't comfortable around you...I'm overly polite, quiet and seemingly passive. I give the impression of anything but a douchebag.(usually) But let's be honest....most loud, cocky, braggy, obnoxious douchebags don't usually have a hard time procuring a girlfriend. In fact, they tend to harbor a surplus of willing women.

 

If you're the life of the party and happen to be really, really loud...women are going to notice you. The impression I mostly project is certainly NOT that. I'll come of as polite, cordigal, courteous, etc because I hardly interject much. I know if I'm allowed to be myself, it's going to annoy and repel other people.

 

Despite my low self-esteem, there are many aspects I do appreciate about myself that I strictly wouldn't alter. That said, many of my actual opinions, humor and preferences are going to offend some people, so better to say nothing in many cases. But I don't see why changing myself(in certain areas, anyway) has is deemed necessary for romantic success. I'm not an axe-murderer...I shouldn't have to adopt a new personality to be compatiable with women.

 

Ummm...there are TERRIBLE people with gfs. Like horrible, detestable, awful people. Ted Bundy had girlfriends lol. Being nice isn't a prerequisite for companionship. Murderers and rapists get chances. I don't see why I'm categorized as somehow worse. Not to mention it's not like females are altruistic, wholesome, pure unicorns or something. They're not guaranteed to be nice, either.... And I literally cannot comprehend why dressing well serves as a detriment...

Edited December 10, 2019 by Thelambofdeth

[Envy123]

I'm going to chime in here.

 

From my experience, being a "bad boy" isn't necessarily about being a jerk. Just that you have your own life and you're not putting the woman on a pedestal.

 

All of the women who have shown interest/asked me out, I noticed that I was always rather neutral with them, at least initially. Not rude, of course, but not being too enthusiastic either. When they talked to me, I'd of course converse with them and make small talk. It gradually built up to romance from there.

 

In these cases, I was most probably seen as a "bad boy" when in reality, I was just so busy with other stuff in my life that romance wasn't in the front of my mind. That was, until they were the ones to suggest romance.

[elaine567]

5 hours ago, Thelambofdeth said:

That said, many of my actual opinions, humor and preferences are going to offend some people, so better to say nothing in many cases. But I don't see why changing myself(in certain areas, anyway) has is deemed necessary for romantic success. I'm not an axe-murderer...
I shouldn't have to adopt a new personality to be compatiable with women.

 

This is the main problem,
Many "strugglers" adopt this approach and are stuck in a never ending rut.
"I want a woman but I am incapable of change in order to attract a woman."
"I refuse to change who I am."
Fine then, don't change, carry on, but don't expect any change in your dating value to women.

I guess you are depressed, you look depressed in a pic on another site and whilst one cannot make a clinical diagnosis on a pic... you need to consider it.
Your eyes are dead, there is no joie de vivre there.
There is nothing basically wrong with your looks but where is the friendliness, the kindness, the openness. the fun, and the "approachability"?

Approachability  is key and no woman is going to approach a guy with a "resting bitch face" and a depressed affect and even if they get past that, they are not going to stick around with a guy whose "opinions, humour and preferences are going to offend" and who is, by your own admission, addicted to porn...
Nothing will ever happen here unless you make drastic changes.
As you are 26, not 76, then I suggest you start to DO something about it.

Edited December 10, 2019 by elaine567

[clia]

If you're afraid to approach women, then I don't see how you expect to meet women.  You can't just expect women to come to you.  Some will, but many women will not -- especially if you are giving off a weird, closed off, awkward vibe, which is what it sounds like.

 

Since you seem to be a little quirky and weird, your best bet is to find people with similar interests to you and try to meet someone that way, as opposed to cold approach in a bar or through online dating.  Expand your social circle.  Your biggest issue seems to be your social anxiety, so you need to deal with that.  You have to be able to go to a Meetup or a group event and try to mingle with people (or at least one person).  It might take babysteps and a few times going to start to feel more comfortable, but you have to force yourself to go.  You've received some good advice in this thread about things you can do, and it seems like you should take it.  You might also seek out groups for people with social anxiety, and maybe try to meet a woman with the same issues as you have. 

 

If you don't want to change anything about yourself, then I don't see how you expect the results to change. 

[preraph]

Well, since Elaine found a pic of you, I had to go look at it.  Dude, you are GOOD looking.  (I'm an old lady, so don't get excited)  But looks aren't your problem.  I think from further comments by you that you know you have an abrasive personality.  

 

What I would do is find a couple of friends and ask them to be honest about what you are saying or doing that is making people take a step back, and then really listen to them.  Common things that put people off like that are boasting (don't think you do that), making mean jokes that aren't really jokes, ranting (which comes off as crazy no matter what the subject), being defensive and quick to attack or find fault, inserting too much sexual innuendo into a conversation, contradicting what whoever you're talking to says (being negative/critical), and complaining that the whole world is messed up (because that only means it's you that's messed up), and putting yourself down (the opposite of boasting, wallowing in your issues.) 

 

So if you're doing any of those things, stop.  

 

Beyond that, it sounds like you're employed or employable.  Be sure you have a place of your own or with roommates because living with parents is a turnoff and a legitimate red flag (no one grows up living with their parents), use birth control when you DO find a woman and don't make a mess of your life, stay within the law since no one with common sense wants to date a criminal.

 

Pause before you say something and think about how it would sound if they were saying it to you.  Don't expect everyone to agree with you and if no one seems to, it's YOU that is missing something and that needs to change.  

 

I know you said you are dressing nice, and that's great, but it can be a red flag if you dress beyond your means, spend money beyond your means.  Women are mostly looking for someone with good sense!  

 

I just think you probably do need to temper yourself.  Do ask friends what your personality flaw is that is holding you back.  They all know.  It's just getting them to tell you.  And then work on that.  This isn't a permanent condition.  You have the power to be whoever you want to become to be your best self.  

[Envy123]

29 minutes ago, preraph said:

Be sure you have a place of your own or with roommates because living with parents is a turnoff and a legitimate red flag (no one grows up living with their parents) 

 

I'd say the issue isn't black and white.

 

My mother is aging and won't do well without my support. I'm the only one she has left in this country. The people who I dated, understood that I'm obviously not going to abandon my mother just like that.

 

However, any other case and I'd agree with you. Not moving out because one doesn't want a hard life, is a turn-off for me.

[preraph]

As long as you have lived on your own before, of course, going back to help your mom is fine.  But if you've never lived on your own, then truly, you haven't had to stand on your own two feet and until you do, you just don't know how much you mature once you have.  

[preraph]

Oh, and almost forgot.  Online, use something less ominous than lambofdeth, seriously.  I'm sure you have your reasons, but if you want to attract women, use a name that is kind of neutral or expresses interest in something that's a passion of yours.  In dating, the more mainstream you seem, the wider your field of possibilities.  Don't portray yourself as morose, depressed or dangerous!  And don't be telling online girls you're talking to that you're ugly.  You're not.  That shows low self-esteem.  You don't have to show all your inner fears to people unless you get close to them -- but you're always welcome to do it here on Loveshack, of course.

[Envy123]

15 minutes ago, preraph said:

As long as you have lived on your own before, of course, going back to help your mom is fine.  But if you've never lived on your own, then truly, you haven't had to stand on your own two feet and until you do, you just don't know how much you mature once you have.  

 

I did try to live with roommates as part of uni, because of the whole rite of passage thing and peer pressure. It didn't exactly help my social life and was in fact a worse situation.

 

Every day felt like I was living in a soap opera. On the one side, I was never bored due to always something happening, at least in the beginning. On the other hand, it did eventually get tiring and I was ecstatic coming back to my mother.

 

Once my mother brings over my grandmother, for additional support, I will move out to my own place. I already agreed with her on that. But stranger roommates, never again.

Edited December 10, 2019 by Envy123

[preraph]

Yeah, roommates can be a pain, but once in awhile you'll find a compatible one.  It's best if you can afford a little hole in the wall all your own, but that isn't possible a lot of places.  My first place on my own was a literal shack, but I loved it.  

[Envy123]

5 minutes ago, preraph said:

Yeah, roommates can be a pain, but once in awhile you'll find a compatible one.  It's best if you can afford a little hole in the wall all your own, but that isn't possible a lot of places.  My first place on my own was a literal shack, but I loved it.  

 

Commuting is the option that my mother and I took, when flats in our budget and in London are poor quality, small and in high crime areas.

 

Even when I'll get my own place, I think I will continue to commute as I now prefer living in a smaller town and you get much more for your money out here.

Edited December 10, 2019 by Envy123

[Thelambofdeth]

4 hours ago, elaine567 said:

 

This is the main problem,
Many "strugglers" adopt this approach and are stuck in a never ending rut.
"I want a woman but I am incapable of change in order to attract a woman."
"I refuse to change who I am."
Fine then, don't change, carry on, but don't expect any change in your dating value to women.

I guess you are depressed, you look depressed in a pic on another site and whilst one cannot make a clinical diagnosis on a pic... you need to consider it.
Your eyes are dead, there is no joie de vivre there.
There is nothing basically wrong with your looks but where is the friendliness, the kindness, the openness. the fun, and the "approachability"?

Approachability  is key and no woman is going to approach a guy with a "resting bitch face" and a depressed affect and even if they get past that, they are not going to stick around with a guy whose "opinions, humour and preferences are going to offend" and who is, by your own admission, addicted to porn...
Nothing will ever happen here unless you make drastic changes.
As you are 26, not 76, then I suggest you start to DO something about it.

 

I fully grasp that realistically, and logistically there are certain apacts I do need to change about myself to attain and modicum of companionship. Its proving much more difficult than I envisioned.

 

I am at least slightly depressed, so by nature I'm not really going to project any of those traits you mentioned, outwardly.

 

But approachability is wildly subjective. And again, being approable doesn't automatically quality you as a good person. The world is filled to the brim with approable jerks. Not to mention to many people approachability is simply how good-looking you are...Even still a friendly demeanor and whatnot isn't a given that said women would still around, either. Yes, I do agree many changes do need to happen, but you're painting them as a lot more static and binary for success than they really are.

[Thelambofdeth]

3 hours ago, clia said:

If you're afraid to approach women, then I don't see how you expect to meet women.  You can't just expect women to come to you.  Some will, but many women will not -- especially if you are giving off a weird, closed off, awkward vibe, which is what it sounds like.

 

Since you seem to be a little quirky and weird, your best bet is to find people with similar interests to you and try to meet someone that way, as opposed to cold approach in a bar or through online dating.  Expand your social circle.  Your biggest issue seems to be your social anxiety, so you need to deal with that.  You have to be able to go to a Meetup or a group event and try to mingle with people (or at least one person).  It might take babysteps and a few times going to start to feel more comfortable, but you have to force yourself to go.  You've received some good advice in this thread about things you can do, and it seems like you should take it.  You might also seek out groups for people with social anxiety, and maybe try to meet a woman with the same issues as you have. 

 

If you don't want to change anything about yourself, then I don't see how you expect the results to change. 

 

Yes, logistically I realize expecting women to approach me is nonsensical. Especially give my circumstance.

 

I don't really think people consider how daunting it is to make friends in their late 20s. By this point people have well over made up their minds with the people they're really going to associate with, for the most part. I would love to expand my social circle, but of course that's virtually impossible if you're not....social. People are polite and seemingly nice sure, but actually making friends this late is...eh. And meet-ups seem to be groups of people who already made connections and circles, more so than random people being added to existing parties of people.

 

I don't see why a woman with social anxiety, would want her partner to have the same trait. Two introverts would be...jarring. Personally, I wouldn't care, but it doesn't seem plausible. Wouldn't she prefer someone extroverted to foil with and break her out of her shell? Logically speaking...

[Thelambofdeth]

2 hours ago, preraph said:

Well, since Elaine found a pic of you, I had to go look at it.  Dude, you are GOOD looking.  (I'm an old lady, so don't get excited)  But looks aren't your problem.  I think from further comments by you that you know you have an abrasive personality.  

 

What I would do is find a couple of friends and ask them to be honest about what you are saying or doing that is making people take a step back, and then really listen to them.  Common things that put people off like that are boasting (don't think you do that), making mean jokes that aren't really jokes, ranting (which comes off as crazy no matter what the subject), being defensive and quick to attack or find fault, inserting too much sexual innuendo into a conversation, contradicting what whoever you're talking to says (being negative/critical), and complaining that the whole world is messed up (because that only means it's you that's messed up), and putting yourself down (the opposite of boasting, wallowing in your issues.) 

 

So if you're doing any of those things, stop.  

 

Beyond that, it sounds like you're employed or employable.  Be sure you have a place of your own or with roommates because living with parents is a turnoff and a legitimate red flag (no one grows up living with their parents), use birth control when you DO find a woman and don't make a mess of your life, stay within the law since no one with common sense wants to date a criminal.

 

Pause before you say something and think about how it would sound if they were saying it to you.  Don't expect everyone to agree with you and if no one seems to, it's YOU that is missing something and that needs to change.  

 

I know you said you are dressing nice, and that's great, but it can be a red flag if you dress beyond your means, spend money beyond your means.  Women are mostly looking for someone with good sense!  

 

I just think you probably do need to temper yourself.  Do ask friends what your personality flaw is that is holding you back.  They all know.  It's just getting them to tell you.  And then work on that.  This isn't a permanent condition.  You have the power to be whoever you want to become to be your best self.  

I've had friends give feedback on my interactions...often, and incessantly in fact. And the most sourced criticism seems to be how avoidant, and dismissive I seem to be. Ironically, I give the impression I don't like other people and aren't interested. Those things you mentioned virtually never happen during a dialogue because I dial myself back so much(To a fault perhaps) or just find a way to excuse myself. I dont posses the confidence or ignorance to rant or allude to anything sexual. I do have tact and I am respectful, so rarely does my actual personality reveal itself, anyway.

 

I am employed, I'm not a criminal, I do live alone, and I don't believe birth control will be a problem annnnnnny time soon lol. And beleive me, I over-thinking EVERYTHING. I've pretty much scripted an entire hesis in my head before I utter a single world. Many times thats why I wind up saying nothing, because I over-think the slightest thing.

 

 

1 hour ago, preraph said:

Oh, and almost forgot.  Online, use something less ominous than lambofdeth, seriously.  I'm sure you have your reasons, but if you want to attract women, use a name that is kind of neutral or expresses interest in something that's a passion of yours.  In dating, the more mainstream you seem, the wider your field of possibilities.  Don't portray yourself as morose, depressed or dangerous!  And don't be telling online girls you're talking to that you're ugly.  You're not.  That shows low self-esteem.  You don't have to show all your inner fears to people unless you get close to them -- but you're always welcome to do it here on Loveshack, of course.

The moniker is simply an amalgamation of my two favorite metal bands sequenced together. But that is a reflection of how just displaying a modicum of my personal interest comes off as repellant lol.

And I'm not totally sociall oblivious. I don't go around exclaiming that I'm depressed or have low self-esteem. But it's not like I have anyone to reveal those aspects to prematurely, anyway.

[d0nnivain]

If you know you over think & you know you come off as cold & aloof, try going out of your comfort zone & simply smiling at someone.  You don't have to be the life of the party to make eye contact, be interested & ask a follow up question or two if someone speaks to you.    draw on your sales skills & pretend you are trying to "sell" them you as a potential date.  Can you think of a more quality product?  

Edited December 10, 2019 by d0nnivain