All out of ideas...

[Thelambofdeth]

8 hours ago, preraph said:

My two cents on the fingernails. Do you if you want, but don't sacrifice your profession for them.  Mostly you are not going to see black fingernails on anyone not in music or arts, so don't expect it to be accepted in a conventional job.  

I knew plenty of guys who had painted finger and toenails.  They all left it on far too long and didn't take it off after it got really raggedy looking, so my opinion is if you're going to do it, take it off before going to any conventional job, and take it off after you have a chip.  And personal preference, I don't think long ones look good on guys.  I think neatly manicured ones with a fresh coat are fine for recreation.  

Dudes with painted toenails? Wtf....?

[Thelambofdeth]

8 hours ago, Foxhall said:

its not all sunshine either being in a relationship,

if you have a few guys to meet up with and have a social outlet, its not that bad and even less stressful being single.

Um...what?  Sure, relationships aren't some magical cure-all but they're a basic biological need at some point. The grass on this side isn't greener. I've been single for almost two years. Solace in solitide has its expiration date and I'd wager the stress of that far exceeds some jealous girlfriend. It is in fact that bad. Maybe if you're some Chad who has tons of hook-ups and fwbs, idk. Neither here not there.

Perhaps I'm old-fashioned or I just have different friends, but they're not an adequate substitute for companionship with a mate. I can't be romantic, affectionate, intimate or share certain experiences with my friends. Maybe there's bundles of other people kissing, banging and going on dates with their pals...but yeah, not me. Friends=/= a partner. It's a lot easier to complain about something when you already have it...

Edited January 3, 2020 by Thelambofdeth

[PinkFlamingo]

4 hours ago, Thelambofdeth said:

I'm a logical person, when things I can't control don't make sense its frustrating. I'm glad so many other people have a penchant for accepting things. Good from them. Must be blissful. Congratulations.

You don't understand, dude. Speed dating is like a condensed version of online dating, and attached are the same pitfalls, lopsided biases and restrictions...too much choice. (For some which leads in turn leads to none for others) Sure, people there are "open to meet people"...doesn't make things any easier. They still already have in-mind the basic archetype of a person they want and will accept and vert few people waver or deviate at all from that conventional preference. ESPECIALLY when there's the looming, alluring chance of a Chad as the next date. From my logical assumption, alternative people don't really go to speed-dating events. All of the people there are going to be basic. Those people are expecting other people just as generic and safe as them. They will all have that in common at least, and if you're different it's basically a time-sink with no tangible benefits. It's like practicing lifting weights to enhance cardio stamina. It doesn't align. And sure you have a few minutes, but just because they're essentially socially obligated to humor you, doesn't mean they're interested. You can hit on someone at a bar and they can be polite and not dismiss you immediately...doesn't mean they're interested. Just polite. Speed-dating would be setting myself up for failure and totally shatter any remnants of self-esteem I had left.

Again, idk if you cant read, refuse to, or are allergic to comprehension. No one has said "just do nothing and be yourself and you'll meet someone." Literally no one. I've recieved numerous criticisms, constructive and otherwise, that has noted how much I need to change drastically to the point of resembling some form of "normalcy" for any hope of finding an companion. Don't know wtf you've been skimming through but it sure isn't this thread.

Real people vs online people, but yeah, it's the same. And it also doesn't matter where you practice your social skills, online, offline, with a book, with the tv, it's all the same. Lack of experience coupled with supposedly logical thinking doesn't really work, especially not with people and feelings.

I'm not sure why you don't go out to alternative events and clubs if none of the conventational venues suits you. And online dating sites address so many niche markets nowadays:

(Comemercial URL removed)

 

 

 

Edited January 3, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Foxhall]

6 hours ago, Thelambofdeth said:

 

Perhaps I'm old-fashioned or I just have different friends, but they're not an adequate substitute for companionship with a mate. I can't be romantic, affectionate, intimate or share certain experiences with my friends. Maybe there's bundles of other people kissing, banging and going on dates with their pals...but yeah, not me. Friends=/= a partner. It's a lot easier to complain about something when you already have it...

Yes I understand what you are saying,

I actually believe if you want something enough you will eventually get it,

follow the advice of the folks here, Id imagine that an introduction through friends type thing would be a better option for you than speed dating 

Personally I got no sniff of a woman for about three years there-2016-2018,

then I managed to find a relationship early last year for around three months, we decided then that we did not see a long term future and subsequently I met this Mexican lady, this is a topsy turvy relationship but I do want it to work,

the curious thing about it is that I previously knew a different Mexican around seven years ago and I felt that someone of that nationality could be a match for me,

I mean its not as if they are on every street in my country, there might be a 100 of them in total here,

but I see meeting this present girlfriend as the universe putting something my way, if you want something enough it can throw something your way,

so my simple point is keep trying and you will get a break, probably this year.

[Veronica73]

Just go to a gallery opening or shows. There’s nothing wrong with going by yourself. I always meet more people when I go places by myself. Go to look at the art. Other people will be looking too, and maybe you’ll strike up a conversation with someone and have a nice conversation. You have a piece of art right there to talk about so you don’t have to make up small talk. It could even be a guy or a couple and they think you are cool and interesting and they want to keep in contact and maybe invite you somewhere else sometime where there are more interesting people.

[Thelambofdeth]

12 hours ago, PinkFlamingo said:

Real people vs online people, but yeah, it's the same. And it also doesn't matter where you practice your social skills, online, offline, with a book, with the tv, it's all the same. Lack of experience coupled with supposedly logical thinking doesn't really work, especially not with people and feelings.

I'm not sure why you don't go out to alternative events and clubs if none of the conventational venues suits you. And online dating sites address so many niche markets nowadays:

(Comemercial URL removed)

 

 

 

More sarcasm I see...I mean it's not like people magically stop being shallow, having preferences and their own personal standards once they leave the house. If that was the case I wouldn't be in this position now. I think you just don't understand the perspective I'm coming from.

And I'm not saying all forms of practice are the same. Of course. I do get what you're trying to communicate. Being out in the element and actually approaching and engaging people, logistically would be the most productive. I just can't think of a venue that would realistically work for me.

Well I live in Maryland, not Oregon or Washington. Theres not a ton of alternative events or alt. nightclubs here.

And I did see the link you posted before it was deleted. Literally the top two choices for alternative dating sites were Match and Zoosk....lol. 

The other ones are likely either too niche to the point you have to live in the more popular states to find any traffic, or its just going to be the same as any other dating site. The 80/20 rule. Just instead of women holding out for the perfect Chad, they only want the perfect Andrew Garfield/Adam Driver replica lol.

[Thelambofdeth]

9 hours ago, Foxhall said:

I actually believe if you want something enough you will eventually get it,

Yeah...like biceps, a degree or a job or something where the method of obtaining it is binary. Doesn't really apply to women. Too many variables and factors and aspects that you have no control over that dictate everything. There's no formula or reason. The "want" just isn't enough.

Quote

but I see meeting this present girlfriend as the universe putting something my way, if you want something enough it can throw something your way

I mean kudos to you, but I totally don't really believe that. Beleive me, if that was the case I'd already have something at this point. Despite my want, the "universe" had declined to throw me even a leaf of an olive branch. Bacially it comes down to luck and some people being in a better position to succeed. Goodwill isn't exactly allotted fairly and nothing is given. At least not to certain people, anyway.

[Thelambofdeth]

2 hours ago, Veronica73 said:

Just go to a gallery opening or shows. There’s nothing wrong with going by yourself. I always meet more people when I go places by myself. Go to look at the art. Other people will be looking too, and maybe you’ll strike up a conversation with someone and have a nice conversation. You have a piece of art right there to talk about so you don’t have to make up small talk. It could even be a guy or a couple and they think you are cool and interesting and they want to keep in contact and maybe invite you somewhere else sometime where there are more interesting people.

I'd like to...but it's just different. Sure, if you're social and go places alone It hardly matters, because...you're social. You'll find people to converse with, and they'll find you. Yet If you're not, it's just awkward because you don't know anyone, you don't have a lifeline and the anxiety will kick in. You won't engage people and you'll repel them and it's just a terrible loop of jarringness.

See...instances like that just never happen to me. Not going to say it doesn't because I'm sure it does organically for many people, but hardly in my case. I don't just "meet people" and form those spontaneous rapports and connections.

[K.K.]

17 hours ago, Thelambofdeth said:

A spade's a spade. If I was aiming for girls who did yoga, have a dog, listen to Maroon 5 and order pumpkin spice lattes I'm sure your advice of selling-out and pretending to be a hive-mind normie would actually be useful.

Dogs though? ☹️

Dogs are so great. 

You probably shouldn’t tell anybody that until you can confirm that they also don’t like dogs. If not, they’re going to look at you like you’re a giant dick bag. 

Kind of like they do me when I say I don’t like kids. 

That alone will cut down 50% of the dating pool, man. Probably even more. 

[Veronica73]

42 minutes ago, Thelambofdeth said:

I'd like to...but it's just different. Sure, if you're social and go places alone It hardly matters, because...you're social. You'll find people to converse with, and they'll find you. Yet If you're not, it's just awkward because you don't know anyone, you don't have a lifeline and the anxiety will kick in. You won't engage people and you'll repel them and it's just a terrible loop of jarringness.

See...instances like that just never happen to me. Not going to say it doesn't because I'm sure it does organically for many people, but hardly in my case. I don't just "meet people" and form those spontaneous rapports and connections.

Okay, seriously...I am the MOST introverted person you could ever meet and still be functional enough to hold down a job. If I was any more introverted I’d probably be a shut-in! (Exaggerating a little, but not much).I also have had a lot of social anxiety in the past. And I still do to an extent. But seeing a CBT therapist helped tremendously. I am not in ANY way a “social” person. But working with a therapist on my social anxiety worked wonders. I’m still not social, and I’m still extremely introverted, but yet I can go out and interact with people. I can also be quite awkward. But have somehow learned to be open and accepting of myself and other people and it seems to open them up as well, even with my awkwardness. If you have social anxiety, which I suspect maybe you do...find a good therapist. It doesn’t even take that long to make a big difference. It’s not like you’d have to dig into your past and all the crap you have been through in your life. It’s all very practical.

[Thelambofdeth]

1 hour ago, K.K. said:

Dogs though? ☹️

Dogs are so great. 

You probably shouldn’t tell anybody that until you can confirm that they also don’t like dogs. If not, they’re going to look at you like you’re a giant dick bag. 

Kind of like they do me when I say I don’t like kids. 

That alone will cut down 50% of the dating pool, man. Probably even more. 

Yeah, I've never been a fan of dogs. (And tbh I dislike children even moreso)

Idk I just find them annoying and require far too much maintenance. I know they're uber popular but I never really got the appeal. Much more of an cat person.

Well since my dating pool is literally nil, I don't exactly have to worry about possible reductions lol.

[K.K.]

16 minutes ago, Thelambofdeth said:

Yeah, I've never been a fan of dogs. (And tbh I dislike children even moreso)

Idk I just find them annoying and require far too much maintenance. I know they're uber popular but I never really got the appeal. Much more of an cat person.

Well since my dating pool is literally nil, I don't exactly have to worry about possible reductions lol.

Ahh I’m just playing, stop. Lol  

Just wanted to say hi and had to keep it on topic, ya know. 🙄

Anyway you like cats. How bad could you be? 

kk 

Edited January 4, 2020 by K.K.
Taking out the words that make me sound like a monster. This edit function is kick ass.

[Thelambofdeth]

4 hours ago, Veronica73 said:

Okay, seriously...I am the MOST introverted person you could ever meet and still be functional enough to hold down a job. If I was any more introverted I’d probably be a shut-in! (Exaggerating a little, but not much).I also have had a lot of social anxiety in the past. And I still do to an extent. But seeing a CBT therapist helped tremendously. I am not in ANY way a “social” person. But working with a therapist on my social anxiety worked wonders. I’m still not social, and I’m still extremely introverted, but yet I can go out and interact with people. I can also be quite awkward. But have somehow learned to be open and accepting of myself and other people and it seems to open them up as well, even with my awkwardness. If you have social anxiety, which I suspect maybe you do...find a good therapist. It doesn’t even take that long to make a big difference. It’s not like you’d have to dig into your past and all the crap you have been through in your life. It’s all very practical.

It's...different. If a girl is introverted it's not really a big deal. People will give you a chance and encourage you to participate. But if you an introverted, awkward dude well...people think you're weird, creepy and avoid you. It's your job to be social and if you aren't people just find you uncomfortable and jarring...

I do plan to go to some kind of art show or exhibit, any...just because I'm interested. But I already know how every visit will go. Me there, alone just musing art with no interactions. Which is fine, but that's the ceiling. If you can't be social at a bar around drunken people, it's not likely to happen at an art show with strangers lol.

I do have social anxiety. Pretty sternly. And I've been recommending therapy, in particular CBR preciously. But I already know the issue, I'm alresdy aware of the problem. There's not much therapy could do for me.

Edited January 4, 2020 by Thelambofdeth

[Thelambofdeth]

2 hours ago, K.K. said:

Ahh I’m just playing, stop. Lol  

Just wanted to say hi and had to keep it on topic, ya know. 🙄

Anyway you like cats. How bad could you be? 

kk 

I know you didn't mean anything by it. And I wasn't trying to come off as defensive, just a natural habit.

[Veronica73]

You’re making excuses. 

Edited January 4, 2020 by Veronica73

[Thelambofdeth]

21 minutes ago, Veronica73 said:

You’re making excuses. 

 Not at all. I'm just being realistic given my situation.

[Veronica73]

So why are you even on here if you’re not willing to do anything to improve your situation? Also, if social anxiety is still a problem for you, that is exactly what a therapist is for. They help you get over it.

Edited January 4, 2020 by Veronica73

[K.K.]

4 hours ago, Thelambofdeth said:

I know you didn't mean anything by it. And I wasn't trying to come off as defensive, just a natural habit.

Oh yea,  I know that man. For sure. I didn’t even question it. I thought you saw the edit before I edited. I called myself a monster because I had written ‘and kids’ after cats. 

😂 

And before that I had the rolling eye emoticon because of always trying to stay on topic because of the rules but it’s not like you’re anywhere else on the board or can receive pm’s so what’s a person to do.  Sometimes I just feel like saying hello and checking on you. 

See, this is why I’m such a fan of the emoticon. I accidentally made you think I must’ve said something bad about you or to you. No, man. No way. 

Everything is all good. 🙂

kk

 

[PinkFlamingo]

10 hours ago, Thelambofdeth said:

More sarcasm I see...I mean it's not like people magically stop being shallow, having preferences and their own personal standards once they leave the house. If that was the case I wouldn't be in this position now. I think you just don't understand the perspective I'm coming from.

And I'm not saying all forms of practice are the same. Of course. I do get what you're trying to communicate. Being out in the element and actually approaching and engaging people, logistically would be the most productive. I just can't think of a venue that would realistically work for me.

Well I live in Maryland, not Oregon or Washington. Theres not a ton of alternative events or alt. nightclubs here.

And I did see the link you posted before it was deleted. Literally the top two choices for alternative dating sites were Match and Zoosk....lol. 

The other ones are likely either too niche to the point you have to live in the more popular states to find any traffic, or its just going to be the same as any other dating site. The 80/20 rule. Just instead of women holding out for the perfect Chad, they only want the perfect Andrew Garfield/Adam Driver replica lol.

See, I probably had more dates with you when doing online dating and people who are good on paper and pictures are different in real life. And others who have a lame profile can be interesting when meeting. That's the difference with meeting people online and people offline.

So, I showed you other alternative dating sites and the first thing you do is conclude that they must have few traffic, because you know every single person in Maryland. You also know how successful the other heavy metal people in Maryland are. Maybe they are all online, because their dating prospective are so slim, but you wouldn't know, because you are not there, because even giving things a try is too much work for you. You rather do your logical thinking and come up with the conclusion that it's not worth it, because complaining is simply so much easier. Like complaining that most women are into the conventional types. What did you expect? That average women do not have average taste? You want to belong to a minority group, why don't you change yourself so you attract more average women? Cut your fingernails and stop painting them black? Whatever, whine on.

[PinkFlamingo]

10 hours ago, Thelambofdeth said:

Yeah...like biceps, a degree or a job or something where the method of obtaining it is binary. Doesn't really apply to women. Too many variables and factors and aspects that you have no control over that dictate everything. There's no formula or reason. The "want" just isn't enough.

I mean kudos to you, but I totally don't really believe that. Beleive me, if that was the case I'd already have something at this point. Despite my want, the "universe" had declined to throw me even a leaf of an olive branch. Bacially it comes down to luck and some people being in a better position to succeed. Goodwill isn't exactly allotted fairly and nothing is given. At least not to certain people, anyway.

You're like the guy in this joke who has been praying for 20 years to God to let him win the lottery until one day God talks to him and says, "It would really help if you bought a lottery ticket." You are absolutely unwilling to do anything.

[Thelambofdeth]

12 hours ago, Veronica73 said:

So why are you even on here if you’re not willing to do anything to improve your situation? Also, if social anxiety is still a problem for you, that is exactly what a therapist is for. They help you get over it.

Its not that I'm unwilling. I'm looking for feasible, realistic methods and theres been much advice given that would help some people. Just not necessarily me. My situation is different and I believe many people don't understand that. I've been recommending things that would assist extroverts or at least people who can manage it a majority of social settings. Its takes me a while to open up and allow myself to be at ease and engage with people. Not many venue like that where I can be comfortable being social because few people really realize how often you're not afforded that chance...that grace period to be comfortable. It's hard to explain but just "jumping into the fire" won't magically fix it if people are all going to react the same way.

[Thelambofdeth]

10 hours ago, PinkFlamingo said:

See, I probably had more dates with you when doing online dating and people who are good on paper and pictures are different in real life. And others who have a lame profile can be interesting when meeting. That's the difference with meeting people online and people offline.

So, I showed you other alternative dating sites and the first thing you do is conclude that they must have few traffic, because you know every single person in Maryland. You also know how successful the other heavy metal people in Maryland are. Maybe they are all online, because their dating prospective are so slim, but you wouldn't know, because you are not there, because even giving things a try is too much work for you. You rather do your logical thinking and come up with the conclusion that it's not worth it, because complaining is simply so much easier.

I don't doubt it...but what does that mean? 9.5/10 that doesn't stop people from only selecting the same kind of suitors, anyway. People still only choose the former in most cases, and keep doing so until the find that ideal one that has the looks and personality they prefer. Same as irl, so I don't see you point. Real life engagements doesn't eliminate the same general discriminations and biases, or difficulty connecting with someone. Again, makes it worse because you know nothing of them beforehand.

 

It's still a dating site...There's still really hot alternative guys and metalheads. Top tier good-looks is a pre-requisite of all dating sites, so the same pitfalls and barriers exist if you don't have them. So like any other dating site, most of the women will just reply to/message the top 20% there and ignore everyone else. I'm not complaining. You just don't understand. You have no idea how much I wish I could actually use a dating site ffs. No idea. They've always made more sense for introverts. But they're not an option unless you're in to 20%. I have tried them before. A.lot. and it's always the same. It's easy for you to assume I don't do things out of "ease". Its because it's obvious it won't work, and will just end up making me feel even worse.

 

Quote

What did you expect? That average women do not have average taste? You want to belong to a minority group, why don't you change yourself so you attract more average women? Cut your fingernails and stop painting them black? Whatever, whine on.

Context. I only mentioned that because of your speed-dating spiel, and I was illustrating how implausible it is for someone in my shoes. It's not about "wanting" to be in a minority group. I am, in many way. Can't change that. That's why I'm not looking for Barbies in ugg boots and yoga pants. Point is, that's likely what most of the women at those dating events would consists of, which entails we'd have nothing in common and it would amount to a complete waste of time. And seriously, I've had short, non-painted nails before...its not like women were knocking down my doors then, either. 

Quote

You're like the guy in this joke who has been praying for 20 years to God to let him win the lottery until one day God talks to him and says, "It would really help if you bought a lottery ticket." You are absolutely unwilling to do anything.

I've tried dating sites, clubs, bars, concerts, festivals....but I guess that's basically nothing, right?

Edited January 4, 2020 by Thelambofdeth

[Veronica73]

I suggested a therapist and you pooh pooped that. That has nothing to do with extroversion or social settings.

[Thelambofdeth]

1 hour ago, Veronica73 said:

I suggested a therapist and you pooh pooped that. That has nothing to do with extroversion or social settings.

Therapy isn't something for me. The goal is to resolve my issues on my own volition.

[basil67]

And how’s that working for you?