All out of ideas...

[K.K.]

9 hours ago, Thelambofdeth said:

Yep, I can very much relate to this.

 

I mean I will sometimes wear and sweater and jeans. They're very stylized, but its dressing down for me. The hair though...idk, I think I'm too married to the ponytail. Nonetheless, I've drank a few beers or cocktails, but I can attest, unless drunk very little changes.

 

I get that and it make a great deal of sense, actually. But it's almost a catch 22 because since everyone is drinking I can't tell which women are introverted and would make more sense for me to approach. Which in turns just makes everyone there sans me extroverted, and me back to square one...

 

Coincidentally, painted nails aren't likely as jarring as one would expect since apparently Post Malone has made them cool again. I paint them black bc I'm puesdo-play guitar, I'm goth-ish, and I just think the black nails fit my motif.

I mean I still find conventional women attractive. I just assume them to be more shallow(Yes, I do realize the irony) and know I'm less likely to form an actual connection with them that goes anywhere because of how unorthodox I am. An example of my type? You mean like a famous woman?

 

I see it as polite. Idk how other people take it. I suppose my manners are up for interpretation lol.

 

I don't suppose so. "Lol" is so widespread there would just too much mass eye-rolling spread to the point it would likely cause

 contagian. Hell, even I use it 

.

 

 

 

Coincidentally Ozzy just did a song with Post Malone. So there's that. And to think I used to think so highly of Ozzy...And I think for most people with Metallica/Megadeth you almost had to choose a side. Lucikly, I discovered both after their prime so I just opted for both. Fade To Black is still one of my favorite songs ever. The first Unforgiven as well.(Also Cinderella's Nobody's Fool, but that's a secret...:/)

 

Eminem's "Relapse" was the last rap album I've ever listened to. He was my favorite rapper, that album sucked and the climate of rap was changing too much so I just gave up. In hindsight it was a good choice because it was a few years before trap/mumble rap and that stuff makes we want to take a shot of bleach.

 

And here I am black dude listening to Italian Death Metal. It takes all kinds, I suppose.

 

Exactly!  That’s what makes life interesting. A little wtf now and then. Took me forever to listen to the Ozzy/Post Malone collab. It’s not that it’s bad but I just feel like it’s completely unnecessary. I felt a bit cheated on too although I don’t know why. I mean you have 20 year olds like who’s Ozzy he’s ok. Just puts a damper on his perceived greatness in my eyes. The other new songs I’ve heard from him aren’t bad. In fact they sound just like The ultimate sin or any other album he’s done pretty much. Would I listen to it though? Nah because it’s not 1986 anymore and I’m not the same person. The memories factor is missing... or something. 

 

Eminen love him. But like you, only to a certain point. I didn’t like Relapse too much but had Recovery on play most of the time. You gotta give props to Eminem for sure. I wish the whole feud thing between him and Nick and whoever else is getting in on it would go away. It’s just .. embarrassing. 

 

I hear what what you’re saying about you just never know about people. One time at work, I was walking down the sidewalk and wearing a Metallica Ride the Lightening shirt and this little black kid (18) that I don’t even know comes walking past on the other side also wearing a Metallica shirt. Right as he walked past, we both mumbled “poser” without even thinking.  I couldn’t get it through my head that he would possibly like them and I guess he didn’t think I would. Funny moment. I hope that’s not racist to say black. School me if it is- like I said I’m here to learn. 

 

Anyway, I’m not quite sure why you don’t get your credit due from women. I know you like to dress in your suits and things and that’s all cool, but I think if you dressed down a little bit in certain occasions, you might be more approachable. What if they think you’re like pimp daddy ya know. Or are confused about what you may be looking for? Maybe the guys do think you’re gay although you do NOT LOOK GAY, I’m just saying. I understand about the nails, I do. But it may be a little off putting. Or maybe for conventional chicks but you’re not seeking them anyway. 

 

I mean, who am I to tell you to change. I don’t think you should change who you are, no. I think you just have to find that needle in a haystack maybe that cares to go beyond the dress or what’s on the outside. Your personality is all good too. I don’t think you’ve been rude or condescending at all. 

 

It’s rough out there but you’re doing alright. Ok?  Concentrate on what you do have. The rest will come. Don’t be buying any hookers, that’s not who you want to be man. The wait will be worth it. I do believe there’s somebody for everybody. Talk later. 

[Thelambofdeth]

 

14 hours ago, Yosemite said:

I thought you were a virgin because you said that you wanted to see a prostitute because you couldn't even work up the nerve to go to a meetup alone. That's a pretty extreme reaction for someone who's not a virgin and has only been single for two years. If you were able to be social and do well in high school and college, what's changed? Find out what the source of that change is and you'll probably be able to get past whatever is causing you this social anxiety. Maybe your heart is still broken and you haven't healed from the break up.

Were you as goth back then as you are now? If so, go to those same clubs/bars where there are people who are into the same things you are. Try to connect with the people you knew back then, it'll help you deal with your social anxiety. Did you wear 3 piece suits back when you were socially active? If yes, carry on wearing suits. If not, consider that the changes you've made since you were last socially successful are the reasons that you're struggling now.

Would you wear a 3 piece suit to the beach or Applebees? I'm just curious.
 

I got the impression from your other posts that you couldn't even speak to women in a social setting, most of my advice was coming from that viewpoint. Now it seems as though you can, but currently, you're not very good at it.

Little things like what? Calling women females? Tell us your exact conversations. What do you typically say that's misinterpreted as disdainful or dismissive? People here will help you rephrase your speech patterns so that others don't get the wrong impression of you.

Regarding incel websites, if you were trying to get into college, would you read sites dedicated to providing a space for people to whine about not being able to get into college or would you read the sites of people who were successful in getting admitted. Incels aren't successful, that's why they're there. You can fill your mind with that if you want...doesn't seem like the best decision to me.

Anyway, you seem to have your mind set about quite a few things. My advice is to figure out if you're not over your break up or are depressed about something else. Once you do that, you'll probably be able to fix the source of the problem and return to your successful social life.

 

Almost two years is a LONG time. It's not like I had random hook-ups and tons of attention from women I didn't capitalize. It's been a total famine. That's really...disheartening and makes you desperate. Thing is, its just much easier to be social in school. Theres many more opportunities and the atmosphere is different. The major change is I'm just not as accessible as I used to be. I've grown into my interests more and that makes it harder to relate to people. I'm not as...basic as I once was.

 

I wasn't as gothy then, and I'm older..its not like I could go back to the same bars, anyway. Most of the people I still associate with are people from school, and I don't really have much in common with them. I need new friends. That's the issue. My interests are different now. No, I didn't really dress the same back then. It was more casual.

 

No, I wouldn't wear a suit at at beach, and I don't go to applebees. I'm aware it's silly to wear a suit at a beach. I'm not totally delusional.

 

The issue is I don't often get a chance to talk to women, and can't initiate it.

 

Well I can't recite exact conversations, but it's mostly my tone that misconstrued as condescending.  Perhaps I come off as stern and monotone and that throws people off maybe?

 

Yes, you're mostly right and I get that thought process. I was led to incel forums because I felt disenfranchised, and felt like I could relate the people there. Overall, I couldn't and tired of the monotony that's why I mostly left them months ago. But its frequent tempting to wallow in self-pity and have others reaffirm that when you feel helpless.

 

13 hours ago, basil67 said:

The problem is that 'female' is an adjective, not a noun, so it sounds all wrong...and a bit disrespectful.   And for reasons that I cannot explain, it's always men who can't seem to get a woman who use 'females' as a collective noun, so the use of the term sends a little red flag up straight away.   The term 'women' is far more socially acceptable. 

 

I would go as far as saying that you're one of the luckier single people here asking for advice.  So many come here and we can't tell them what they are doing wrong.  They don't have mates who can tell them...or their mates aren't honest.   But with you, there are answers.   You've written many things that your mates have told you.   And you now know a new thing - three piece suits as daily wear are not helping your cause.   

 

The question is, are you willing to make the changes needed?  The thing which makes we humans special is that we can do self reflection and make changes if we so desire.  I mentioned earlier that I have done much the same.  I'm still me.  But a nicer me.   Can you still be you, but without the sarcasm and adversarial attitude?

 

I mean, no one ever goes around declaring the usage of "male" is offensive. But I suppose I never thought much about it.

 

Yes, suits = bad apparently.

 

That's a valid question. At this point I'm just wondering why I have to...

 

10 hours ago, Yosemite said:

Can you see that these incel websites are already having a negative effect on you? Their thoughts and viewpoints are getting into your mind, their phrases and word choices are probably peppered in your speech and it's turning people away from you. You read these things and they sound normal to you because you read it regularly...to everyone else these ideas are crazy and toxic. When you speak to people, what you consider insignificant and normal sounds crazy and dangerous to them. It could be as small as calling someone a Stacy or a Chad or saying something about 80/20 theory, or hypergamy, or any other thing that only someone who reads incel sites would say. That's going to cause alarm bells to go off in any normal, sane woman. And it happened to you here in the above quote. You can't expect to remain a well adjusted, decent human being if you fill you mind with garbage. It will eventually catch up with you...kind of seems like it already has.
 

Quoting myself to say that reading incel sites probably is a huge factor in your extremely quick progression to thinking about going to sex workers after less than 2 years of being single. Add on the fact that you used to have a normal social life and now your social skills have evaporated and you have extreme social anxiety...seems pretty clear that you're not as immune to the toxicity on those incel sites as you think. Like I said, it's your life and your choice, but it really seems like you can't see the forest for the trees here.

My suggestion would be to quit porn and incel sites for at least 2 months. During that time, try to talk to new people and reconnect with the friends you lost touch with. Pay attention to what you allow to enter into your mind. Think, "is what I'm reading/watching right now going to bring me closer to my goal or take me further away from it?" Make yourself go to Meetups and stop wearing the suits. Exercise, eat healthy, and get plenty of sleep. See if you're more successful and if your anxiety hasn't decreased. See if your social skills come back and you reconnect with old friends. I'd bet a million bucks that it works, if it doesn't, it's time to see a therapist.

Good luck.

 

I don't think it's as bad as you're surmising. I don't just spew incel rhetoric at random people. I do have tact and I'm not indoctrinated. Yes, perhaps there have been some subliminal influences but I have left the forums months ago. I'm not blaming or discriminating against anyone.

 

Again, not two years of bad dates and a few flings. Two years of NOTHING. Thats...a bitter pill. It's hard to quit porn when you have no women in your life, and as I alluded to earlier, the friends I have are from school, and they have no idea what I'm going through and cannot relate. What I believe I'll need to do most, and have struggled with greatly is forming new connections.

[2BGoodAgain]

in all honesty, i'd get therapy. 

You need to find out the core of why you have anxiety about women, etc. 

 

no matter how much you may groom your exterior, for lasting meaning relationships, you  need to fix the inner you. You'd be surprised what you may find out.

 

Try it. Can't hurt.

[basil67]

4 hours ago, Thelambofdeth said:

I mean, no one ever goes around declaring the usage of "male" is offensive. But I suppose I never thought much about it.

 

Yes, suits = bad apparently.

 

That's a valid question. At this point I'm just wondering why I have to...

First of all, nobody has said that the use of 'females' is offensive.  It's just clueless and poor use of grammar.   The reason we don't hear about the usage of 'male' being offensive is that I've never, ever heard a woman say "I want to meet some males".  They use the words man or men.  

 

Yep, learn to dress for the occasion.  You can still dress black but in a more casual way.  

 

Of course you don't have to change if you don't want to.   You can be stay how you are and accept that women won't be attracted to you.  Thing is though, I can't see a downside to becoming more pleasant to be around.  You can make a new you.  

[preraph]

I don't care what anyone says, suits do not = bad.  They have their place.  What I would do when not required to be in a full suit is wear the nice suit jacket over jeans, dark blue or black with a T under.  I know someone who looked very casual but ravishing doing that.  I'm sure since  you're focused on clothing, that you have your own style.  I don't hate that. 

[Yosemite]

9 hours ago, Thelambofdeth said:

What I believe I'll need to do most, and have struggled with greatly is forming new connections.

So what's your plan? List out 3 steps you plan to have done by this time next week.

[clia]

There's nothing wrong with wearing a suit in the right environment.  Examples:  you are wearing a suit at some occasion where you need to wear a suit (e.g., work), and you stop off at happy hour or dinner on the way home.  Totally fine.  A fancy restaurant, swanky bar, or party.  Fine.  However, if you are putting on a suit to go to your local wine bar, that seems a little strange.  It comes across as trying too hard.  I get that you like suits, but it doesn't fit the environment.  I like formal dresses (and I also like wearing suits), but I don't wear them when I go to my local bars.  Out of curiosity, do you wear a suit to work?   And if others have said you come across as too formal, pairing that with a suit is going to turn people off.

 

I second preraph's suggestion to switch over to dark jeans and a sport coat.  You can wear a normal button down shirt under it, a sweater vest, etc.  Just more casual than a full on suit.   

[Happy Lemming]

Did you make to the used book store and walk around, yet??

 

Just curious how you made out with "Step 1"?

[elaine567]

What actually happened about 2 years ago?

[2BGoodAgain]

folks... I don't think what he wears is the problem... even if he got past the clothes initial impression part... that's just the foot in the door... what matters is what happens after that.. 

 

 

[Thelambofdeth]

On 12/11/2019 at 9:34 AM, K.K. said:

 

Exactly!  That’s what makes life interesting. A little wtf now and then. Took me forever to listen to the Ozzy/Post Malone collab. It’s not that it’s bad but I just feel like it’s completely unnecessary. I felt a bit cheated on too although I don’t know why. I mean you have 20 year olds like who’s Ozzy he’s ok. Just puts a damper on his perceived greatness in my eyes. The other new songs I’ve heard from him aren’t bad. In fact they sound just like The ultimate sin or any other album he’s done pretty much. Would I listen to it though? Nah because it’s not 1986 anymore and I’m not the same person. The memories factor is missing... or something. 

 

Eminen love him. But like you, only to a certain point. I didn’t like Relapse too much but had Recovery on play most of the time. You gotta give props to Eminem for sure. I wish the whole feud thing between him and Nick and whoever else is getting in on it would go away. It’s just .. embarrassing. 

 

I hear what what you’re saying about you just never know about people. One time at work, I was walking down the sidewalk and wearing a Metallica Ride the Lightening shirt and this little black kid (18) that I don’t even know comes walking past on the other side also wearing a Metallica shirt. Right as he walked past, we both mumbled “poser” without even thinking.  I couldn’t get it through my head that he would possibly like them and I guess he didn’t think I would. Funny moment. I hope that’s not racist to say black. School me if it is- like I said I’m here to learn. 

 

Anyway, I’m not quite sure why you don’t get your credit due from women. I know you like to dress in your suits and things and that’s all cool, but I think if you dressed down a little bit in certain occasions, you might be more approachable. What if they think you’re like pimp daddy ya know. Or are confused about what you may be looking for? Maybe the guys do think you’re gay although you do NOT LOOK GAY, I’m just saying. I understand about the nails, I do. But it may be a little off putting. Or maybe for conventional chicks but you’re not seeking them anyway. 

 

I mean, who am I to tell you to change. I don’t think you should change who you are, no. I think you just have to find that needle in a haystack maybe that cares to go beyond the dress or what’s on the outside. Your personality is all good too. I don’t think you’ve been rude or condescending at all. 

 

It’s rough out there but you’re doing alright. Ok?  Concentrate on what you do have. The rest will come. Don’t be buying any hookers, that’s not who you want to be man. The wait will be worth it. I do believe there’s somebody for everybody. Talk later. 

Idk, I just dislike Post Malone so much, seeing an artist I respect affiliate with him is just...grating. It just seems manufactured to give PM more appeal to another demo, which is the last thing he needs. It's just such a random jarring pairing. I am glad Ozzy is still putting out music though. Say what you will about him he's managed to always remain relevant and somehow identify with and influence artists in every subsequent generation.

 

What's funny is rappers still thinking them can feud with Eminem. At this point it has to be simply for attention because like Eminem or not he wholly destroys everyone who has tried to "beef" with him. And when you have literal nick cannon attempting it? Well just...lol. It's not even fair.

 

I can relate to that. Despite how I dress(even when I wear band tees) people assume I listen to rap, anyway. But you just never know.(And no, saying black isn't racist. If anything being called ""African-American" is more offensive lol)

 

I mean I guess, but if I dressed like everyone else there would be nothing that makes me stand-out. And idk why anyone would assume I was a "pimp-daddy" because everything I'm wearing is monochromatic or just dark. Its not flashy.  Again, I don't think dudes think I look gay because it's not like they stop and ask what I'doing later or ask for my number. It's mostly just "nice tie" or "cool coat" not "hey, let's dance". And its not like I'm discriminating against conventional women. I just don't beleive they would be interested.

 

Idk it's just been frustrating when you see other people so easily fall into relationships or find like-minded people, and I constantly struggle. I honestly the most resourceful step would be just finding solace in solitide, at this point. That would be more realistic.

 

22 hours ago, basil67 said:

First of all, nobody has said that the use of 'females' is offensive.  It's just clueless and poor use of grammar.   The reason we don't hear about the usage of 'male' being offensive is that I've never, ever heard a woman say "I want to meet some males".  They use the words man or men.  

 

Yep, learn to dress for the occasion.  You can still dress black but in a more casual way.  

 

Of course you don't have to change if you don't want to.   You can be stay how you are and accept that women won't be attracted to you.  Thing is though, I can't see a downside to becoming more pleasant to be around.  You can make a new you.  

 

I do realize I've been rigid in my ways. The goal at this point is necessarily to change, but refine aspects of myself. That seems fair. If for no one but myself. But I don't think it'll make finding someone all that easier.

 

21 hours ago, preraph said:

I don't care what anyone says, suits do not = bad.  They have their place.  What I would do when not required to be in a full suit is wear the nice suit jacket over jeans, dark blue or black with a T under.  I know someone who looked very casual but ravishing doing that.  I'm sure since  you're focused on clothing, that you have your own style.  I don't hate that. 

 

Idk, I just don't like the look of T shirts. Maybe a sweater or something...

 

 

17 hours ago, Yosemite said:

So what's your plan? List out 3 steps you plan to have done by this time next week.

 

The plan, ultimately is to just get comfortable going out doing the things I want to. It's going to have to be alone, but I'll have to just accept that. Coffee shops, book stores, art galleries, parks. Idk how willing I'd be to engage people there, but I do just want to go.

 

8 hours ago, clia said:

There's nothing wrong with wearing a suit in the right environment.  Examples:  you are wearing a suit at some occasion where you need to wear a suit (e.g., work), and you stop off at happy hour or dinner on the way home.  Totally fine.  A fancy restaurant, swanky bar, or party.  Fine.  However, if you are putting on a suit to go to your local wine bar, that seems a little strange.  It comes across as trying too hard.  I get that you like suits, but it doesn't fit the environment.  I like formal dresses (and I also like wearing suits), but I don't wear them when I go to my local bars.  Out of curiosity, do you wear a suit to work?   And if others have said you come across as too formal, pairing that with a suit is going to turn people off.

 

I second preraph's suggestion to switch over to dark jeans and a sport coat.  You can wear a normal button down shirt under it, a sweater vest, etc.  Just more casual than a full on suit.   

 

Yes, I do wear a suit to work. And there just doesn't seem to be that many appropriate venues for a suit, apparently. I just didn't think it was a big deal. I never consider being too formal would be a net negative.

 

4 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

Did you make to the used book store and walk around, yet??

 

Just curious how you made out with "Step 1"?

 

I have not.

 

4 hours ago, elaine567 said:

What actually happened about 2 years ago?

 

That was my last relationship, and I've just never been able to find one since.

[Happy Lemming]

1 hour ago, Thelambofdeth said:

I have not.

OK... but I'm still pulling for you.

 

I really think you reach your end goal (successful relationship), although it may take some time; I KNOW you can beat this unjustified fear!

 

Blue skies...

[Thelambofdeth]

5 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

OK... but I'm still pulling for you.

 

I really think you reach your end goal (successful relationship), although it may take some time; I KNOW you can beat this unjustified fear!

 

Blue skies...

I'll try to over the weekend.

[Yosemite]

10 hours ago, Thelambofdeth said:

The plan, ultimately is to just get comfortable going out doing the things I want to. It's going to have to be alone, but I'll have to just accept that. Coffee shops, book stores, art galleries, parks. Idk how willing I'd be to engage people there, but I do just want to go.

You should probably get specific with yourself. So something like:

At least once next week, instead of going straight home or to a bar after work, I'll go to one coffee shop and stay for at least an hour.

Instead of wearing a 3 piece suit to a bar, I'll wear a dress shirt and slacks. I'll wear a shirt that isn't black or dark grey.

This week, I'll research and find two meetups to attend, and next week I'll go to one by myself. I'll consider this a success even if I don't talk to anyone while I'm there.

Remember change is uncomfortable, so if you feel discomfort, you're doing it right.

Regarding the feedback from your friends that you can come across as dismissive and condescending in a conversation, I think that part of that comes from you not doing your part to keep the conversation going. When someone asks you a question and you only answer without elaborating further or you're too literal in your response, it gives the impression that you don't want to continue the conversation (dismissive) or that you think the question is dumb (condescending) So, for instance, in this thread I asked if you would wear a suit to Applebees, you replied that you don't go to Applebees. I find it hard to believe that you thought that I was really asking about Applebees instead of any casual dining restaurant like Olive garden/Outback steakhouse/Sizzler etc. So my impression was that you're kind of sensitive about the suits and don't want to talk about it anymore. (Dismissive) If that's not the impression that you want to give, then don't be so literal when answering a question. A non-dismissive response would be: I haven't gone to any restaurant like that since I started wearing 3 piece suits, but if I did go to a place like that, I would not wear a suit.

Someone asked you about what happened 2 years ago. Instead of saying, my gf of 4 yrs dumped me and I was shell shocked, and by the time I got over it I found that I had lost my nerve to talk/flirt with women etc. Instead saying that, you were too literal and just barely answered the question. Sounded like, subject closed and off limits.

Compare how you talk about Eminem/Ozzy/Post Malone in this thread to the examples I just gave. In the music conversation, you do your part to keep the conversation going, you add more info, and you're not so literal. I don't think anyone would call you dismissive or rude. But I can see how someone would conclude that you're dismissive or condescending in the examples I gave and other instances in this thread.

So that's something to think about next time you're speaking to someone and you want it to go well...make more of an effort to hold up your end of the conversation.

[K.K.]

Hi thelambofdeth 

 

I don’t think you should give up. I think probably when you stop obsessing about it though and just live your life, you’ll feel happier. Apparently, according to the post up there^ you had a girlfriend and broke up. So you can get a girl, obviously. Maybe you’re just not over that yet? Sometimes a break up will make you feel like you’ll never find anybody else and question your own attractiveness. Self esteem takes a hit. I don’t know about anybody else but I find your story kind of fascinating and would like to hear more about the breakup or just whatever . ..

 

I’d like to see you start a journal here. I go back and read all of my whiny lovesick posts when I want to remember how far I’ve come in these last years. I think it would be helpful for you too to work out the things you’re feeling and to hold yourself accountable for trying different things to solve your trouble. You’d be surprised how healing it is to look back. 

 

I know this whole thing can’t come down to clothes. Maybe you’re just in a dry spell. 

 

And yea... talking about Eminem. I agree with you, like what in the hell is anybody even thinking to even TRY to go up against him. It makes me actually SAD though,  dude. To see an OG like Em having to constantly defend his s***. That’s all they got to come with too, ya know .. that he’s old.  Just sad as s***. It’s like those weird animals on animal planet that go up against their own parents for domination. That’s what it feels like! 

 

I take this way too seriously. 

 

You ever hear of the Liliac band?! It’s a metal cover band with a bunch of kids. I saw a cover they did of Dio - Rainbow in the Dark. Good lord! Straight fire. 

Edited December 13, 2019 by K.K.
.

[Thelambofdeth]

18 hours ago, Yosemite said:

You should probably get specific with yourself. So something like:

At least once next week, instead of going straight home or to a bar after work, I'll go to one coffee shop and stay for at least an hour.

Instead of wearing a 3 piece suit to a bar, I'll wear a dress shirt and slacks. I'll wear a shirt that isn't black or dark grey.

This week, I'll research and find two meetups to attend, and next week I'll go to one by myself. I'll consider this a success even if I don't talk to anyone while I'm there.

Remember change is uncomfortable, so if you feel discomfort, you're doing it right.

Regarding the feedback from your friends that you can come across as dismissive and condescending in a conversation, I think that part of that comes from you not doing your part to keep the conversation going. When someone asks you a question and you only answer without elaborating further or you're too literal in your response, it gives the impression that you don't want to continue the conversation (dismissive) or that you think the question is dumb (condescending) So, for instance, in this thread I asked if you would wear a suit to Applebees, you replied that you don't go to Applebees. I find it hard to believe that you thought that I was really asking about Applebees instead of any casual dining restaurant like Olive garden/Outback steakhouse/Sizzler etc. So my impression was that you're kind of sensitive about the suits and don't want to talk about it anymore. (Dismissive) If that's not the impression that you want to give, then don't be so literal when answering a question. A non-dismissive response would be: I haven't gone to any restaurant like that since I started wearing 3 piece suits, but if I did go to a place like that, I would not wear a suit.

Someone asked you about what happened 2 years ago. Instead of saying, my gf of 4 yrs dumped me and I was shell shocked, and by the time I got over it I found that I had lost my nerve to talk/flirt with women etc. Instead saying that, you were too literal and just barely answered the question. Sounded like, subject closed and off limits.

Compare how you talk about Eminem/Ozzy/Post Malone in this thread to the examples I just gave. In the music conversation, you do your part to keep the conversation going, you add more info, and you're not so literal. I don't think anyone would call you dismissive or rude. But I can see how someone would conclude that you're dismissive or condescending in the examples I gave and other instances in this thread.

So that's something to think about next time you're speaking to someone and you want it to go well...make more of an effort to hold up your end of the conversation.

Yes, like devise actual plans and goals. That does make sense, but not so much for at the stage. After some forward progress, I can move along to that.

And I don't only wear black shirts. I wear white, purple, red, and patterned shirts as well. So I'm not totally rigid haha.

 

Well see, I'm not always afforded the chance to furthur the conversation. Often, unless you interject, the conversation will just sweep by you. And if it's not a one on one, I'm not exactly getting asked questions specifically. I'm not going to force my way into the discussion. More often that not the conversation just flows, and carries one without me. Theres no reserved section for me to speak, and I'm not being directly addressed. Yet when I don't forcefully participate I'm being disclusive and dismissive. 

 

My matter-of-fact answer was mostly a jest. I thought the implication that I lacked the social tact to realize a suit isn't appropriate for a beach or casual restaurant was a bit silly, so I didn't see the point in elaborating. I'm not sensitive about my attire...that would be kind of weird, I just thought my answer was sufficient.

 

See, I didn't say all of that, because that's not what happened. Again, I opted against further detailing because my answer about sums it up. We only dated off and on for a few months. We have very little in common, and barely get along. Were still in contact even. So it's not like it was a tumultuous, meaningful, impactful relationship.What stands out is the subsequent drought. Usually through happenstance or luck, or what have you, I would just find someone else. But nothing has happened, at all. And that caused me to beleive there was an issue with me physically. So no, I wasn't being closed off or withholding painful memories, there just wasn't a great deal more of note to say.

 

Tbf Eminem and Ozzy, subjectly would inspire more motivation to continue a conversation in most cases lol.

[preraph]

Do you play any instruments? It sounds like music is going to be your niche. It certainly was mine. I was pretty useless outside of music and taking care of animals living out the country that' sort of thing. 

 

If you don't play any instruments I think you need to start. Take a class if you have to. There's a lot of community in music. Having that in common makes it a lot easier to meet people although it's not always women until you're actually playing in public. Maybe you could get a part-time job in a music bar to bring you around other music fans. 

 

There are music meetups too. 

[Thelambofdeth]

5 hours ago, K.K. said:

Hi thelambofdeth 

 

I don’t think you should give up. I think probably when you stop obsessing about it though and just live your life, you’ll feel happier. Apparently, according to the post up there^ you had a girlfriend and broke up. So you can get a girl, obviously. Maybe you’re just not over that yet? Sometimes a break up will make you feel like you’ll never find anybody else and question your own attractiveness. Self esteem takes a hit. I don’t know about anybody else but I find your story kind of fascinating and would like to hear more about the breakup or just whatever . ..

 

I’d like to see you start a journal here. I go back and read all of my whiny lovesick posts when I want to remember how far I’ve come in these last years. I think it would be helpful for you too to work out the things you’re feeling and to hold yourself accountable for trying different things to solve your trouble. You’d be surprised how healing it is to look back. 

 

I know this whole thing can’t come down to clothes. Maybe you’re just in a dry spell. 

 

And yea... talking about Eminem. I agree with you, like what in the hell is anybody even thinking to even TRY to go up against him. It makes me actually SAD though,  dude. To see an OG like Em having to constantly defend his s***. That’s all they got to come with too, ya know .. that he’s old.  Just sad as s***. It’s like those weird animals on animal planet that go up against their own parents for domination. That’s what it feels like! 

 

I take this way too seriously. 

 

You ever hear of the Liliac band?! It’s a metal cover band with a bunch of kids. I saw a cover they did of Dio - Rainbow in the Dark. Good lord! Straight fire. 

Idk. I went a year without really thinking about it, and I still got nothing. It's been the past few months were my companionship famine been more glaring and concentrated. I explained the ordeal of my last relationship in my last, previous post. It was very uneventful and unceremonious. It didn't last long, there were no strong feelings, and we're still in contact. It's just in the span of that ending, nothing less has happened for me and it's been frustrating. My "amiugly" post on reddit and lack of any interests on dating sites have hit me harder, tbh.

 

A journal of sports could likely prove beneficial.

 

Well, it is pathetic, but predictable. Eminem is likely the most talented, and easily the most successful rapper pr all time. Even his bad albums sell tens of millions of copies. So when you have B-C list musicians like MGK and literal Nick Cannon, make public, feigned attempts his throne, its laughable. You know they're just doing it for publicity and attention, not that the think they stand a ghost of a chance. Not that it makes Ems complete dismantling, devastating rebuttals any less satisfying. The man reached untouchable status by his third album lol.

 

I haven't heard of them, but that sounds awesome haha. Thinking of a child, metal cover band is nothing never could've assumed. Existed. Once if they have a cover of Maiden or Metallica

[Thelambofdeth]

2 hours ago, preraph said:

Do you play any instruments? It sounds like music is going to be your niche. It certainly was mine. I was pretty useless outside of music and taking care of animals living out the country that' sort of thing. 

 

If you don't play any instruments I think you need to start. Take a class if you have to. There's a lot of community in music. Having that in common makes it a lot easier to meet people although it's not always women until you're actually playing in public. Maybe you could get a part-time job in a music bar to bring you around other music fans. 

 

There are music meetups too. 

I don't, sadly. I always wanted to learn the guitar, but I've lack the discipline. And at almost 27 yo, I don't know how realistic it is for me to begin to try again now. I would love to, don't get me wrong.

 

Hmmm...most of my musical taste happen to be pretty obscure. Its hard enough finding guys into the same genres or music I am. Would be nigh impossible to find a woman with the same musical compatibility. That and most of the musical bars here are admittedlty...basic...

[basil67]

Rubbish.   After taking our daughter to lessons, my hubby took up guitar himself and loves it.   If a guy nearly twice your age can learn, you can too.  

 

 

[Thelambofdeth]

34 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Rubbish.   After taking our daughter to lessons, my hubby took up guitar himself and loves it.   If a guy nearly twice your age can learn, you can too.  

 

 

Ummm...that's not quite how it works. Age is relative. There's nine year olds that can learn an instrument, and thirty year olds that can't. There's a few more factors to it.

Edited December 14, 2019 by Thelambofdeth

[basil67]

I wrote that because you cited your age as the reason you can't learn.  Perhaps fear is the actual reason you can't learn?

[Thelambofdeth]

8 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I wrote that because you cited your age as the reason you can't learn.  Perhaps fear is the actual reason you can't learn?

Welp, I wasn't afraid when I was younger and attempted so.....

[basil67]

Ok, I give up. You say that your age isn’t the reason. And your young self wasn’t afraid.  So what reason is it that you can’t learn guitar at 27?  

Edited December 14, 2019 by basil67

[K.K.]

9 hours ago, Thelambofdeth said:

 

 

I haven't heard of them, but that sounds awesome haha. Thinking of a child, metal cover band is nothing never could've assumed. Existed. Once if they have a cover of Maiden or Metallica