Intergenerational Courtships

[awalns]

To continue the thread, besides having the financial security/resources why else dating/marrying an older man an attractive option?  How about the wisdom/knowledge he has for starters?  He also will likely be more responsible; he will know what he wants and will be more committed to those things.  He will be more even tempered in his approach with times when things get stressful/intense.  He most likely will treat his mate as a gentlemen knowing how hard it is to find a great girl, especially at that age.  He will have vast resorcefullness and openness to other ideas but also have firm convictions on what is right and wrong.  So much to offer if he only gets the chance.

[Tamfana]

11 minutes ago, awalns said:

To continue the thread, besides having the financial security/resources why else dating/marrying an older man an attractive option?  How about the wisdom/knowledge he has for starters?  He also will likely be more responsible; he will know what he wants and will be more committed to those things.  He will be more even tempered in his approach with times when things get stressful/intense.  He most likely will treat his mate as a gentlemen knowing how hard it is to find a great girl, especially at that age.  He will have vast resorcefullness and openness to other ideas but also have firm convictions on what is right and wrong.  So much to offer if he only gets the chance.

 

Most of those attributes are more related to personality than age--  knowledge, wisdom, responsibility, commitment, even temperament, gentlemanly, resourcefulness.  And I'd think some of the under-50 men might take exception to being characterized (in general) as lacking those traits.  If a young woman wants to date you, she'll make her own judgment while dating like everyone else.  No one owes anyone else a chance.  

[awalns]

14 minutes ago, Tamfana said:

 

Most of those attributes are more related to personality than age--  knowledge, wisdom, responsibility, commitment, even temperament, gentlemanly, resourcefulness.  And I'd think some of the under-50 men might take exception to being characterized (in general) as lacking those traits.  If a young woman wants to date you, she'll make her own judgment while dating like everyone else.  No one owes anyone else a chance.  

My experience in life has not borne this out.  Many of these attributes come with age. They are not there, but learned, they come from experience and frequent introspection.

[elaine567]

Have you met any "older men"?
Bad tempered, set in his ways, likes to be in control, his way or the highway, he is never or rarely wrong... he is a fuddy duddy and boring as hell, who is no fun and who likes to complain a lot... all seem to be quite prevalent traits...
The stereotypical "Grumpy old man" is not based on nothing surely?



 

[awalns]

Just now, awalns said:

Before you begin a relationship with someone much younger or older than you, it’s important to make a careful assessment of your motivations. Love knows no age, but if you date only people who are members of a different generation, it might reveal something about your approach to relationships. While people who date only people much younger or older than them owe no one an explanation, it may be helpful to consider underlying reasoning. Some who date only much older people may be seeking a parental figure more than a romantic partner. They may be insecure about finances and thus want to be with someone established in his or her career. If you have a history of dating people who are significantly younger than you, maybe you like feeling like your partner admires your experience, or perhaps you’re just not physically attracted to other people your age. A significant age difference doesn’t necessarily mean there’s anything wrong, but a long-standing pattern is always worth examining

This is a piece of advice from a story I read

[awalns]

Just now, awalns said:

No matter how understanding you are, it’s likely that you’re going to bump up against some generational differences. You might have different political views, find each other’s music obnoxious, or have no understanding of historical events that profoundly influenced your partner’s life. Bridge this difference by probing deeper and making a concerted effort to understand your partner’s viewpoint. A big age difference provides you with valuable opportunities to learn about alternative perspectives and experiences.

Here is another piece of advise from the story

[awalns]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

Have you met any "older men"?
Bad tempered, set in his ways, likes to be in control, his way or the highway, he is never or rarely wrong... he is a fuddy duddy and boring as hell, who is no fun and who likes to complain a lot... all seem to be quite prevalent traits...
The stereotypical "Grumpy old man" is not based on nothing surely?



 

Sounds like you are quoting a cocky 23 year old who can't hold down a job, gets into fights, is abusive towards others, and doesn't plan very well.  I know I run into these types regularly

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

3 hours ago, awalns said:

To continue the thread, besides having the financial security/resources why else dating/marrying an older man an attractive option?  How about the wisdom/knowledge he has for starters?  He also will likely be more responsible; he will know what he wants and will be more committed to those things.  He will be more even tempered in his approach with times when things get stressful/intense.  He most likely will treat his mate as a gentlemen knowing how hard it is to find a great girl, especially at that age.  He will have vast resorcefullness and openness to other ideas but also have firm convictions on what is right and wrong.  So much to offer if he only gets the chance.

 

These are all things a young woman's father can offer her, too.  She doesn't need a spouse to be so much more wise than her.  

[basil67]

Indeed. It’s like the OP has confused partner with father.

[awalns]

The odds are good that some people are going to disagree with your choices in romantic partners, no matter how perfect your relationship is. With close friends and family, this may mean making an effort to explain why you’re in love with the person and not with his or her age. But be prepared for snide, inconsiderate remarks. Getting into constant arguments about your partner’s age is no way to live, so plan a simple—and ideally polite—response that shuts down further discussions of your partner’s age

 

This is one of the more important points from that article.  I understand it goes with the territory, but that doesn't give people the right to harass or interfere.

[mark clemson]

To be fair to you, as consenting adults, that is true. Think many folks have shared that some sentiment for one reason or another.

 

'Cause we're living in a world of fools, breaking us down. When they all should let us be. We belong to you and me.

 

To be fair to other posters, you do (or at least did) seem to be proselytizing your particular approach and views.

[awalns]

45 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

To be fair to you, as consenting adults, that is true. Think many folks have shared that some sentiment for one reason or another.

 

'Cause we're living in a world of fools, breaking us down. When they all should let us be. We belong to you and me.

 

To be fair to other posters, you do (or at least did) seem to be proselytizing your particular approach and views.

I think of that line when I think about someone in my own life; it's has a lot of truth in it.

[awalns]

What about interests?  How should a guy approach this?  I have always been of the mind that a girl will like you regardless of your age or if you have different interests.  Still it doesn't hurt to at least consider some of her interests that might be foreign to me.  So what would a girl in her 20's be interested in these days?  And hopefully its more that just that little "buzzing box" she is looking at 30 times a day.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

8 minutes ago, awalns said:

 I have always been of the mind that a girl will like you regardless of your age or if you have different interests.  

 

Now, why would a girl feel this way?  

[awalns]

1 hour ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said:

 

Now, why would a girl feel this way?  

I would have to guess is that she is a rare one who knows what she wants in life.  That's something you don't see everyday from younger women.  Often they are still trying to figure s*&^ out well into their 30's.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Just now, awalns said:

I would have to guess is that she is a rare one who knows what she wants in life.  That's something you don't see everyday from younger women.  Often they are still trying to figure s*&^ out well into their 30's.

 

I guess I misunderstood you.  I thought you were generalizing that most young women don't care about having shared interests or the age of their partner.  I'd argue most do.

 

As far as what kinds of interests you could pursue to make yourself attractive to younger women, the list for that would as diverse as the actual young women themselves.  We (women) are all different

[awalns]

20 hours ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said:

 

I guess I misunderstood you.  I thought you were generalizing that most young women don't care about having shared interests or the age of their partner.  I'd argue most do.

 

As far as what kinds of interests you could pursue to make yourself attractive to younger women, the list for that would as diverse as the actual young women themselves.  We (women) are all different

I try to keep that in mind, but am often reminded of that old phrase "you girls are all alike" in my daily encounters with those who possess two X chromosomes.  This is particularly true with the stupid mind games they play with us; if she likes a guy she should just tell him or show him rather that making a big song and dance kind of scenario where we are left to guess whether they are interested or not.  Life is too short for that kind of nonsense.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

2 minutes ago, awalns said:

I try to keep that in mind, but am often reminded of that old phrase "you girls are all alike" in my daily encounters with those who possess two X chromosomes.  This is particularly true with the stupid mind games they play with us; if she likes a guy she should just tell him or show him rather that making a big song and dance kind of scenario where we are left to guess whether they are interested or not.  Life is too short for that kind of nonsense.

 

Well, usually in the case like that she's not interested.  Women won't give a "song and dance" and make a many guess if there's interest.  

 

Can you give a more specific example of time this happened to you, where you felt a woman was giving you a "song and dance" instead of just telling you if she was interested or not?

[awalns]

On 12/24/2019 at 10:04 AM, CautiouslyOptimistic said:

Well, usually in the case like that she's not interested.  Women won't give a "song and dance" and make a many guess if there's interest.  

Can you give a more specific example of time this happened to you, where you felt a woman was giving you a "song and dance" instead of just telling you if she was interested or not?

Sure, but let me say one other thing first:  What I have noticed over the years for the most part is that girls, for reasons known only to them, tend to associate/trust/hang out with guys that many in society would characterize as "bums" or "losers".  These are guys that can't hold a job, do dope, live on the fly, get into trouble with the law, or even are physically/verbally abusive.  But to trust/hang out/engage a guy like me?  FAT CHANCE!  I would richly reward anyone who can explain this to me.

There has been ONE incredible exception to this general RULE over the last 10 years;  A very special young lady who has ADHD. While it was indescribably majestic early on, even she over the last few years has become very flat (monotonous).  Very robotic, just going through the motions of life and not caring about much along the way, losing interest in many things she once enjoyed. 

In general the way she looks at me.  Her eyes are trying to say something that perhaps might be better communicated with her mouth.  Very subtle signals or what I perceive as such (I am a scientist by nature so I am highly trained in the area of observation).  I acknowledge that many these days don't really go beyond that which is good because it signals to me that if she can't tell me or show me that she is interested, so probably isn't worth my time or effort.

[mark clemson]

35 minutes ago, awalns said:

Sure, but let me say one other thing first:  What I have noticed over the years for the most part is that girls, for reasons known only to them, tend to associate/trust/hang out with guys that many in society would characterize as "bums" or "losers".  These are guys that can't hold a job, do dope, live on the fly, get into trouble with the law, or even are physically/verbally abusive.  But to trust/hang out/engage a guy like me?  FAT CHANCE!  I would richly reward anyone who can explain this to me.

 

How much money are you offering? I assume Western Union is ok as I prefer to remain anonymous on this forum. 🦄

 

Hope I am not in violation of site terms if I accept payment - moderators, feel free to let me know if I am and I will cease and desist...

Edited December 24, 2019 by mark clemson

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

1 hour ago, awalns said:

Sure, but let me say one other thing first:  What I have noticed over the years for the most part is that girls, for reasons known only to them, tend to associate/trust/hang out with guys that many in society would characterize as "bums" or "losers".  These are guys that can't hold a job, do dope, live on the fly, get into trouble with the law, or even are physically/verbally abusive.  But to trust/hang out/engage a guy like me?  FAT CHANCE!  I would richly reward anyone who can explain this to me.

 

Is this women your own age as well as the young'n's?

[awalns]

On 12/24/2019 at 11:57 AM, CautiouslyOptimistic said:

 

Is this women your own age as well as the young'n's?

Let me put it this way; almost without exception women of my age has been a complete disaster

So for an example of what I am talking about; 10 years ago I was at our local athletic club and the kids and I were using the pool.  One of the lifeguards was super frustrated at some of the kids who were goofing off. While waiting for my boys to finish I was next to her chair and she just remarked "I am sooo ready to go home".  And from that we talked occasionally over the next few weeks I saw her one Friday evening and thought maybe she would like to see some photos of Venezuela that I visited when I was in medical school in the Caribbean. 

 

So I go the next afternoon (not even 24 hours later) and she was reporting for work, she saw me and exclaimed "HI, HOW ARE YOUUU??"  One of the best greetings I ever got in my life (you should have seen the look on her face when she saw me). So she sat right next to me and I went through the photo album.  She seemed very much to enjoy the experience.  However, after a time she just completely stopped talking to me, didn't wave anymore, didn't say a SINGLE word to me for the remainder of the time she worked there (she had enlisted in the Coast Guard). 

 

It was like she didn't remember me. There was no specific point I could find that would have caused her to change so dramatically.  Another example follows the same format of someone I worked with at my weekend job in a restaurant.  I got to know her quite well for the first year.  One time she needed help getting her car started and so I did this;  knowing that she was a bit of an artist I asked she could repay me by producing a drawing (any drawing).  A week later she provided a drawing and I have to admit she did quite a nice job of accentuating the female features (if you get my meaning); I still look at that drawing and I often wonder if that drawing is meant to be her (again she could have drawn ANYTHING).  But the second year she worked there again just stopped talking to me or do much of anything. 

 

However she did at least appear to make a few small gestures (like one time I walked past her in the kitchen and she seem to wave to me (a low one).  Another time I was there doing some extra cleaning and for about 3 seconds she just gave me "The Look" like she was mad at me.  I ADMIT I ignored this later girl like I never ignored anyone before (I was hurt by her not interacting with me anymore.  She currently moved a bit up north where she is now doing engineering.  But my question is WHY do they act like this:  one minute they just love to be around you and talk with you and the next you are a TOTAL stranger??

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

16 minutes ago, awalns said:

 

But my question is WHY do they act like this:  one minute they just love to be around you and talk with you and the next you are a TOTAL stranger??

 

Because you misinterpreted their intentions from Go.  Why did you think the lifeguard would be interested in your photos?  Was she from that area or planning to visit?  Girls are taught their whole life to be nice, be nice, be nice, be nice.  She wasn't about to say "um, no, I don't want to see your random photos..." so she sat down and was a nice girl.  

 

The drawing from the restaurant worker--was it a nude or just a woman?

[awalns]

On 12/24/2019 at 12:33 PM, CautiouslyOptimistic said:

 

Because you misinterpreted their intentions from Go.  Why did you think the lifeguard would be interested in your photos?  Was she from that area or planning to visit?  Girls are taught their whole life to be nice, be nice, be nice, be nice.  She wasn't about to say "um, no, I don't want to see your random photos..." so she sat down and was a nice girl.  

 

The drawing from the restaurant worker--was it a nude or just a woman?

It was just a woman but a nice looking one.  And I believe you are wrong about ONE thing, that girls are always taught to be nice (at least I believe) is when the guy approaches them not necessarily when they approach the guy.  It's standard practice to be nice in the former, but that latter is more genuine, more of an interest thing than just common courtesy; they are the ones going out of their way.  Being simply nice is more reactive the proactive.

I could tell she wasn't just being polite when she wanted to see those pictures; she was truly interested.  The vibes suggested this

[awalns]

OK, all we will continue this after Christmas.  Have a very Blessed One and hang on to that special someone if you have the honor.  They are SO hard to find!