Feel lonley

[LeojDon]

So i'm a 23 year old male. I went solo-travelling for 4 months from January of this year until May and before this I was lacking direction after graduating the previous summer with not a clue what to do. 

 

Travelling was both a blessing and a curse. It led me to meeting a beautiful woman who I've fallen deeply in love with, however after returning from travelling i've not been able to adapt to being at home. I feel like I don't fit in anymore, I feel restless and don't like I relate to my friends anymore who have never experienced extensive travel and being with a partner who is from a different country. 

 

During my travels I was the happiest I had ever been in my life. I could disconnect from technology and so many amazing people from different countries, enjoy pure freedom and local food. It made me love life. After returning, I had never been so unhappy in my life. Back to the same questions I left with of 'so, what now?' I feel like i'm wasting time with no direction as to what I want in life. I feel extremely lost and lonely. My girlfriend (from Italy) is studying in my city currently for her master degree then moves to Copenhagen in January for 5 months and this saddens me further, it's like she's the only one who truly understands my struggles and fears as she's been through it herself. 

 

How can I get motivation and find my direction? This isn't me at all but I've just lost the love for life right now. 

[preraph]

Well, you should get your education out of the way OR if you want to move somewhere, use being a student to be allowed to move there, since most places will not allow anyone who wants to just to come there and live.  But students are welcome most places.  There will be more girlfriends, but I understand if you feel like where you live isn't where you belong.  But maybe you won't have to entirely leave the country to find your niche somewhere.  Maybe you just need a different locale within your country.  

 

And I have to tell you, long-distance relationships almost NEVER work out.  So please don't hang onto that.  Date local or move somewhere you like better and date once you're settled.  

[d0nnivain]

Start making lists & maybe a vision board.  What do you want out life?  Where do you want to live?  Now how are you going to achieve that?  You like travel so maybe focus on jobs that will allow you to travel.   Perhaps reach out to your alma mater & get some career coaching / guidance.   Meanwhile start doing resume building things.  

[snowboy91]

As someone who has also lived in another country (although did an exchange during my studies rather than a big bit of travelling after), I know exactly what you're going through. We referred to part of it as "reverse culture shock" - you've been through this transformative experience while almost nothing has changed at home, and so you feel out of place.

Having new experiences constantly is now something that is crucial to you being satisfied in life. Is there any way you can add new experiences regularly without needing to be constantly travelling? Perhaps try a new sport, new hobby? Or explore somewhere new close to home you haven't been to yet? Could you try and find a job in a new city?

In terms of your friends, do you feel as if they have a place in your life as you are now? I understand you feel out of place, but surely there are things you still have in common? Is it possible to make new friends easily, perhaps with others who have been through a similar experience?

Finally - where do you (realistically) see things going with this girl? You may not be able to be together (long distance rarely works), but you can still keep in touch through messages, Facetime etc - if nothing else she is a friend who understands how you're feeling.

[Ellener]

'All experience is an arch wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades for ever and for ever when I move.'

 

( Tennyson )

I've made peace with it now but for years I was always wanting the next adventure, the next big experience, change. Knowing there is so much out there, and that everyday-sameness can be kind-of dull in comparison. But a downside of living an interesting life is the not settling down, leaving people behind...

 

Give yourself a chance to adapt again and decide 'what next?' Embrace the good things about your home town and friends, and enjoy the moment of your relationship.

 

Love the vision board idea, always works for me, so does a period of intense self-care, good nutrition, nature, exercise, reading, music etc. 

 

At 23 you're still building life-resilience and self-knowledge and a bank of happy memories to fall back on!

 

 

 

 

 

 

[LeojDon]

21 hours ago, snowboy91 said:

As someone who has also lived in another country (although did an exchange during my studies rather than a big bit of travelling after), I know exactly what you're going through. We referred to part of it as "reverse culture shock" - you've been through this transformative experience while almost nothing has changed at home, and so you feel out of place.

Having new experiences constantly is now something that is crucial to you being satisfied in life. Is there any way you can add new experiences regularly without needing to be constantly travelling? Perhaps try a new sport, new hobby? Or explore somewhere new close to home you haven't been to yet? Could you try and find a job in a new city?

In terms of your friends, do you feel as if they have a place in your life as you are now? I understand you feel out of place, but surely there are things you still have in common? Is it possible to make new friends easily, perhaps with others who have been through a similar experience?

Finally - where do you (realistically) see things going with this girl? You may not be able to be together (long distance rarely works), but you can still keep in touch through messages, Facetime etc - if nothing else she is a friend who understands how you're feeling.

Yeah exactly. With travelling, you feel like you're being productive daily by doing simple things such as booking flights and driving places. I was constantly socialising with amazing people from around the world and then as soon as i returned home, I felt claustrophobic. It was really difficult to come to terms with being back in the same four walls I left behind.

 

After seeing what's out there it just gave me 'itchy feet.' Oh course, it's not feasible to constantly travel, but with my girlfriend moving to Copenhagen and me feeling like I'm just stood still and not getting the same stimulation I was whilst abroad really puts me in a depressive mood. I just don't know what my direction is.

 

When I came back from travelling, the dynamic between myself and my friends changed a lot. They just couldn't understand how I'd changed for the better and felt such a different person. For the first two months when I came back I felt incredible. I was super ambitious, full of confidence and had a new perspective on life. Now I feel like i've slumped to back into the old reality I originally left.

 

I think I need to occupy my time (such as a part time job while I apply for career based things) as being alone with my thoughts is doing me harm and allowing me to overthink.

My girlfriend pointed out today that I look and feel sad and she feels like I've changed since I first met her which really saddens me as I know I can be better. The fact she's leaving soon saddens me further and I really see a future with her but I don't want her to see me this way. 

6 hours ago, Ellener said:

'All experience is an arch wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades for ever and for ever when I move.'

 

( Tennyson )

I've made peace with it now but for years I was always wanting the next adventure, the next big experience, change. Knowing there is so much out there, and that everyday-sameness can be kind-of dull in comparison. But a downside of living an interesting life is the not settling down, leaving people behind...

 

Give yourself a chance to adapt again and decide 'what next?' Embrace the good things about your home town and friends, and enjoy the moment of your relationship.

 

Love the vision board idea, always works for me, so does a period of intense self-care, good nutrition, nature, exercise, reading, music etc. 

 

At 23 you're still building life-resilience and self-knowledge and a bank of happy memories to fall back on!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Travel has made me realise there is so much out there, and that being at home really makes me miserable. I loved meeting so many new people and enjoying different cultures. Being back home just made me sad again. 

 

With me and my girlfriend, we are both dynamic people who are open to moving around but I don't want to overthink to far into the future as i'm doing now as it's showing in my personality, I feel sad thinking we won't be in the same city again for a long period of time. She's noticed my personality change and I'm way better than this. 

 

I've been back since May but just feel so ready for experiencing a new place, new people and purpose in my life. It's just so easy to feel unhappy when there's no sense of direction and the person closest to me is, I feel like i'm standing still.