lovvebug Posted December 10, 2019 Share Posted December 10, 2019 Went back to medical school across country. Girl I dated over summer started a relationship with someone else shortly after I left. She said it was circumstances and left door open. She is 33 with six-figure job and a kindergartner. Didn’t reach out at all after breakup. When she reached out to me saying she was thinking about me I pushed her away politely because my needs would not be met (she is with someone else and just being friendly) and walked away again. She never responded. I love her, as pathetic as I am. Walking away from her the first time hurt a lot. Walking away again hurt more. Watching her fall in love with someone else on Insta hurts even more. I won’t beg but this pain is incredible. I know/think she doesn’t love me. For the first time in my life I’m heartbroken watching Youtube videos. Lifting, running, school, drinking, dating, sex with other girls, and talking with caring girl-friends doesn’t help after three months... I pretend that I’m okay and my pain fuels me every day but I’m destroyed for the first time in my life. I don’t know what else to do...I want to feel better and for the first time nothing I can do internally has really helped me to truly move on... And I won’t take her back even when she comes back after I’m done with school and residency. She is not the person I thought she was. I’m not being rude, I’m just saying that I know who I am in love with doesn’t really exist or love me back. I’m destroyed and heartbroken. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted December 10, 2019 Share Posted December 10, 2019 There isn't really any disputing when people say that love hurts but believe me when I tell you that you will get over it and forget about her in time. Let her go. Holding onto it isn't doing you any good, but it's holding you back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 10, 2019 Share Posted December 10, 2019 ^I agree with Outlaw Link to post Share on other sites
TeddyBundy1993 Posted December 10, 2019 Share Posted December 10, 2019 Coming from a guy who was also in a LDR relationship and it recently got over she left for another man too so I can understand your pain mate. The best advice you can get and will get is stop chasing her now. Go NC. And read other people misery here I did too and it got a lot easier. Since you dont want her back you'll recover very fast from this unlike other lovers here who expect their ex to come crawling back crying lol its worst thing actually not for them for us bcz it doesn't let us go on and heal. Block her dont take her friendship s***. Slowly you'll come back to life. Learn some lesson from here what I learnt from my relationship was never give your heart away all together if you do be sure whatever you have left with can withstand the loss. Another thing learnt is people do change respective to age goals and compatibility so always be ready for it. Hang in. Grieve and you'll be out of it Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovvebug Posted December 10, 2019 Author Share Posted December 10, 2019 I am not going to block her. I want to move on, not hurt her in return. Emotional control is very important and I won’t lash out for a temporary reprieve. I doubt it would help anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 10, 2019 Share Posted December 10, 2019 lovvebug You blocking her is not lashing out. It's you engaging in an act of self preservation. Looking at her social media as she carries on with another man will not help you. You don't' have tp engaged in masochistic behavior to prove you are the bigger person. If she's not in your real life any more there is no need for her to be in your virtual life. Besides when you do heal & are ready to love again, the new woman in your life will not like the idea that you are still friends with an EX on social media. Good luck in your studies. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovvebug Posted December 10, 2019 Author Share Posted December 10, 2019 (edited) She likes everything I post on Insta, except with other girls. As soon as I block her she is going to know how much of an effect she has had on me. I am friends with all other exes on Insta...but the spark was long gone by the breakup, and I like seeing their babies and family. I think what makes this breakup so hard is that it is my first “grown up“ 30’s relationship that didn’t end for lack of a spark or love (on my end.) Edited December 10, 2019 by lovvebug Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 10, 2019 Share Posted December 10, 2019 Going back to the point where you left where she was living....what agreement did the two of you make about how to move forward together? Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted December 10, 2019 Share Posted December 10, 2019 (edited) Man you don't want a weak woman like this, she couldn't even wait for your plane to land. No soul, just self centered and shallow.and obviously not the same feelings on her part either. Sorry but really , you know who she really is now , better now than later right. So l'm pleased to hear you see the light. and won't take her back when he's finished with her and kicks her ass to the roadside, you'd just regret it big time down the road,. lf it's love you want find someone real , worthy. Edited December 10, 2019 by chillii 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 10, 2019 Share Posted December 10, 2019 4 hours ago, lovvebug said: She likes everything I post on Insta, except with other girls. As soon as I block her she is going to know how much of an effect she has had on me. So what? If her behavior upsets you then you owe it to yourself to extract yourself from the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 10, 2019 Share Posted December 10, 2019 (edited) 6 hours ago, lovvebug said: I am not going to block her. I want to move on, not hurt her in return. Emotional control is very important and I won’t lash out for a temporary reprieve. I doubt it would help anyways. Then don't be surprised if you continue to suffer for a lot longer than you'd anticipated. You are not doing enough to help yourself, but you are making excuses to stay attached to her online. She isn't going to be that bent out of shape if you block her. Sure, her ego might take a hit but she's got a boyfriend and that's where her attention is truly focused. It won't bother to her to degree you're imagining. Her heart and mind are wrapped up with someone else, man. As long as you insist on staying connected to her, you are going to find it far more difficult to heal. Edited December 10, 2019 by ExpatInItaly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted December 10, 2019 Share Posted December 10, 2019 Instagram isn't even a reflection of reality. It's social media where the mirage rules. The internet is one giant desert sprinkled with social media platforms that act as reality mirages. If you choose to keep your recent ex on Instagram, you'll only prolong healing for you both. Time to block her and go no contact. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 10, 2019 Share Posted December 10, 2019 16 hours ago, chillii said: Man you don't want a weak woman like this, she couldn't even wait for your plane to land. No soul, just self centered and shallow.and obviously not the same feelings on her part either. This is why I asked what plans they'd made. It could well have been just a casual, easy thing with no plans for the future. No reason for her to not be out dating others when he'd left. And after all, it's not like the OP has wasted any time getting into bed with other women. Peas in a pod perhaps? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TeddyBundy1993 Posted December 10, 2019 Share Posted December 10, 2019 A 33 year old with a kid dude. There are many flaws with this women you also are unable to see when blinded by love. She still can't figure out whom she wants to be and behave like a girl in early 20ies who's still exploring. People like them never settle in life. Break at late 20ies and 30ies do hurt specially for males hahaha since we find it hard to get along with women owing to growing age. I'd say stay clear of this women she waste your time energy and feelings. Move on for your sanity and take a break resolve the pain and start fresh with someone who respects you although these days I see most relationship fall apart after sometimes. But stay positive and stay around people who are supporting I know it hurts pfff Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted December 10, 2019 Share Posted December 10, 2019 (edited) 21 hours ago, lovvebug said: I am not going to block her. I want to move on, not hurt her in return. Emotional control is very important and I won’t lash out for a temporary reprieve. I doubt it would help anyways. Whose emotional control? Yours? Or hers? She's moved on already -- she has a new boyfriend. I guarantee you that she couldn't care less about your feelings with her new man in the picture. She's not thinking about your feelings or how you're doing at all anymore. She has a child and her new boyfriend in her life. You no longer take up space in her heart. Sorry but it's true. If you're unwilling to block her on Instagram, is it possible because you want to regain emotional control over her? You are in medical school now, too. Shouldn't your focus be on becoming a doctor, versus a woman you had a summer fling with who dumped you when summer ended? Besides, how heartbroken are you...really... if you already had sex with multiple women after she dumped you. 3 months, does not a long-term relationship make. 3 years, yes. But 3 months? Nope. Block her. You need to let go. She's moved on. Now you have to. Edited December 10, 2019 by Watercolors 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovvebug Posted December 12, 2019 Author Share Posted December 12, 2019 Thanks for input. The girl I fell for sent a long text this morning saying its not so simple for her as it is for me.. It relieved pain knowing it wasn’t just me in not communicating over last few months. For what its worth I was honest about what I wanted and my situation when I had sex with other girls. When I left it was casual and we were planning Christmas vacation. Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted December 12, 2019 Share Posted December 12, 2019 Sorry lovvebug but it's hard to take your pain seriously about a summer fling you had, when you admit that you had casual sex with multiple women after she dumped you. If you were truly heartbroken, you wouldn't have had sex with multiple women to get rid of the pain. I mean, I get it. Some men respond to breakups by having rebounds or one night stands. But, she's 33 years old with a child. You even refer to this woman as a 'girl you dated' not 'the love of my life' so it's really hard for me to believe this was a real relationship with a 33 year old single mother. Maybe you should focus on your studies at medical school. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2BGoodAgain Posted December 12, 2019 Share Posted December 12, 2019 hmm..... so... I don't think you're in love with her. I'll say it outloud and put it out there. I'm sure you FEEL like you do, but when you love someone, you don't do half the things you have done so far... in particular, sleeping with other women... what you're doing is trying to numb the pain, and the pain isn't b/c you're in love and you're pushing her away... the pain is something she did that hurt you. The others are right, some day.. the pain will ebb away, but honestly the pain will never quite go away and she will never be a closed book b/c you don't really seem to know why you're in pain. You feel you're in pain b/c you're in love with this woman and she did something that made you choose to leave her, but the reality may be that you weren't in love with her, but rather how she made you feel. and Honestly, if she was in love with you, she wouldn't fall for another man... i'd highly recommend you find a therapist and just talk it out... you may find out the true cause of your pain and once you recognize why you're in pain, you can address that pain and see what this relationship truly is.. you can't trust how you feel at the moment, b/c feelings can be very deceptive. The only thing you know right now is that you've tried everything to end the pain and it still lingers. Go find out what that pain truly is coming from and then you'll have peace and hopefully happiness in the future. Trust me on this... I've been where you are.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovvebug Posted December 18, 2019 Author Share Posted December 18, 2019 (edited) Thanks all for insight. I love this girl and her daughter. I will concentrate on med school. Edited December 18, 2019 by lovvebug Link to post Share on other sites
Kaarek Posted December 31, 2019 Share Posted December 31, 2019 It could be partially love, partially an obsession. You might meet someone else at some point but at this moment as others stated is better to focus on yourself, don't think too much about it and focus on your private Life, that's far more important. Best regards 🙂 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovvebug Posted January 21, 2020 Author Share Posted January 21, 2020 One can love someone and still do the right thing and let them go for now...I feel love not obsession. I’d choose her being happy over me. To anyone else going through something that doesn’t work out. You will be okay. I’m not saying it will ever go away if it is real for you, but you will realize you are thankful. Link to post Share on other sites
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