Can I just make it stop?

[Inflikted]

To the best of my knowledge, I don't have anything specific to cover that through my employer, and I'm currently trying to save as much money as possible to put towards a place to live in the next few years.

Personally, I don't think I'd have the right mindset for therapy anyway. I'm too stubborn and resistant, and I don't believe I could actually better myself from the experience.

[schlumpy]

You should have lots of free time then. Build a nice fast gaming computer with 5.1 sound and 34 inch curved monitor that has G-Sync. Then roam the galaxy in EVE ONLINE.

[Inflikted]

Eh, I already partake in gaming for a few hours on the weekend.

[Malin889]

On 12/10/2019 at 7:57 PM, Inflikted said:

 

Yeah, unfortunately, that's what I'm afraid of. It bothers me a lot knowing I'm going to spend the rest of my life being frustrated over wanting something I can't have.

What is this thing you want but can’t have? Did something happen recently to make you feel this way? 

[Inflikted]

40 minutes ago, Malin889 said:

What is this thing you want but can’t have? Did something happen recently to make you feel this way? 

 

Being able to find a significant other is the thing I want and can't have. I've always felt like it's out of reach for me.

[preraph]

You need to be seeing a therapist because you sound obsessive.  I think therapy and possibly meds would help you quite a lot.  

[Inflikted]

7 hours ago, preraph said:

You need to be seeing a therapist because you sound obsessive.  I think therapy and possibly meds would help you quite a lot.  

 

Eh, nothing can help me because I can't help myself. I'm simply a disappointment. Disappointing myself is what I do.

[basil67]

I would suggest a psychiatrist myself.  Have you seen one before?

[fromheart]

On 12/11/2019 at 3:49 PM, schlumpy said:

You should have lots of free time then. Build a nice fast gaming computer with 5.1 sound and 34 inch curved monitor that has G-Sync. Then roam the galaxy in EVE ONLINE.

And become another obesity statistic.

No, get yourself in shape.  Work out intensely on yourself, read books and do intense physical activity.  Think about your mission and purpose in life.

You must have something in life more important and more fulfilling than women, to be successful with women.   

[Inflikted]

7 hours ago, basil67 said:

I would suggest a psychiatrist myself.  Have you seen one before?

 

Briefly. Well, it was a long time ago, and I don't recall if it was a psychiatrist or therapist, or what. Regardless, I wasn't particularly open to it, and I wasn't following through on their methods, and didn't have the motivation to keep going to it.

 

2 hours ago, fromheart said:

And become another obesity statistic.

 

Eh. A lot of people stereotype gamers as obese, basement-dwelling, man-children, but that's a bit of an unfair stereotype that is certainly not true of a lot of gamers.

 

2 hours ago, fromheart said:

No, get yourself in shape.  Work out intensely on yourself, read books and do intense physical activity.  Think about your mission and purpose in life.

You must have something in life more important and more fulfilling than women, to be successful with women.   

 

While I wouldn't describe myself as "fit", I'm certainly not morbidly obese or disgustingly out of shape. Just average. And I'm okay with that. Not particularly interested in working out and trying to be "fit".

 

In reality, does the average person have much of a true "mission" or "purpose" in life? From my perspective, most regular people just want to find their own little slice of happiness, in life. Enough money to support themselves, a fulfilling social life, a significant other to share it with and start a family with. I can't say I've really known anyone that has loftier goals in life than that.

 

Those were generally my own goals in life. And I'm at a point now where I'm finally starting to hit the bare minimum income to be able to support myself, and I have a cozy social circle that I'm happy with. The only thing missing from that now is the significant other. And it's tough, because my closest friends are in a relationship, and their other friends/ family I meet and interact with are in relationships or married. So the one thing I want so badly is constantly all around me, and I'm on the outside looking in.

 

And don't get me wrong. I'm not saying being in a relationship is the "be all, end all", it's just... It's hard not to feel a certain sense of loneliness when I've never in my life known what it's like to have a (and to be someone else's) "special someone". I may not be "lonely" in a grand way, since I do have friends, but I'm lonely in a deeper sense because I don't get to have that "best" friend. It's sad to me that I don't have someone to "come home to", someone to say "So, how was your day?" to, etc. Instead of laying in bed at night watching TV by myself, it'd be nice to have someone beside me, who I could talk to and laugh with.

 

Life, in general, for the average person is mostly mundane, but having good people around makes the day-to-day a bit more pleasant, because at least you have someone to share things with and talk to, and stuff. But me, all I get is the "mundane", and I mostly have to face it alone. I see my friends once a week, or every other week, and I savor that, but for the most part, my life is a cycle of going to work, coming home to no one, having dinner, watching TV in bed alone, on repeat, over and over again. I don't mind the "mundane", I'm a bit of a low energy homebody, so it's not like I want to be going out and doing something exciting every night, but man, not having someone to push through it with is tough. I want somebody to tell me about what's going on in their life (and take an interest in mine), I want someone to have discussions with (even if just about mundane things), I want someone to laugh with and goof off with, I want someone I can be affectionate and intimate with.

 

But in more ways than one, I've completely screwed up any chance I ever had at having that. Meeting new people is borderline impossible for me now, especially when I can't find an interest in new things that would actually get me out meeting people regularly. Even when I do meet new people, I struggle to connect with them. I have zero sense of personal attraction to specific women around me, so I'm not particularly drawn to women I meet in passing. I don't even know how to "flirt" or build attraction, if I did find myself attracted to someone, and I tend to err too far on the side of being "respectful" and "pleasant" rather than being "playful", so as not to come off as creepy or gross, but in turn, end up just being a pleasant acquaintance at best. And even if I could somehow trick someone into going on dates with me, I don't know the first thing about dating (what activities to do, places to go, how to act, when to escalate, etc.), I don't know how to be in a relationship, I don't know how to have sex, etc., and these are all things that a 30+ year old male should know by now, and no self-respecting woman should have to tolerate a fumbling dope like myself that doesn't even know what to do with her.

[Malin889]

15 hours ago, Inflikted said:

 

Being able to find a significant other is the thing I want and can't have. I've always felt like it's out of reach for me.

Have you ever had one in the past? 

[Inflikted]

Just now, Malin889 said:

Have you ever had one in the past? 

 

I've never even been on a date, no.

[schlumpy]

Have you ruled out a medical condition for your low energy? That would be the first thing I would pursue. I don't see anything wrong with your ability to analyze and maintain a perspective on what is troubling you. Aside from any hidden emotional difficulties your thoughts come across clearly.

[Inflikted]

49 minutes ago, schlumpy said:

Have you ruled out a medical condition for your low energy? That would be the first thing I would pursue. I don't see anything wrong with your ability to analyze and maintain a perspective on what is troubling you. Aside from any hidden emotional difficulties your thoughts come across clearly.

 

I mean, I wouldn't necessarily call it an "extreme" low energy, it's more like... You know how co-habitating couples get to the "Let's just stay in and order takeout" energy, or married couples with kids have that sort of "low energy"? That's basically where I'm at, except without the partner/ kids.

[preraph]

I think meds would help you.  You always sound depressed.  Often, a simple pill, taken as directed, can turn that around in just a couple or three weeks.  

[Inflikted]

19 minutes ago, preraph said:

I think meds would help you.  You always sound depressed.  Often, a simple pill, taken as directed, can turn that around in just a couple or three weeks.  

 

The thing is, even if that did alter my internal feelings in any way, that wouldn't necessarily change the external situation. I'd still be alone. I'd still be very aware of my own solitude. In which case, it would become a constant cycle of feeling down and having to use medication to feel better. 

[preraph]

Yeah, but you wouldn't CARE and be unhappy about it every single minute of your life.  And if your attitude wasn't bitter and down 24/7, you'd have a much better chance of attracting someone, whether friends or girlfriends.  But you know what?  Everyone knows that the people who need psychiatry and meds the worst are the very ones who will resist it.  Why?   Because they're not capable of making good decisions to help themselves and too bitter to trust anyone else.  

[schlumpy]

It can't hurt to have a physical. Let them draw some blood and see if all the chemicals that allow us to live are in the right proportion.

[Inflikted]

6 hours ago, preraph said:

Yeah, but you wouldn't CARE and be unhappy about it every single minute of your life.  And if your attitude wasn't bitter and down 24/7, you'd have a much better chance of attracting someone, whether friends or girlfriends.  But you know what?  Everyone knows that the people who need psychiatry and meds the worst are the very ones who will resist it.  Why?   Because they're not capable of making good decisions to help themselves and too bitter to trust anyone else.  

 

You're certainly not wrong that I'm incapable of making good decisions. In any case, I'd argue that I'm not necessarily bitter and down "24/7"; when I'm with my friends, for example, I'm fine. I live in the moment, and I enjoy my time with them, I'm happy, and I'm not thinking about the stuff that brings me down. But, when I only spend time with them once a week, or every other week, that means there's a whole lot of time in between of not seeing them, and when I'm alone with my thoughts, that's when I tend to spiral out into these thoughts.

 

5 hours ago, schlumpy said:

It can't hurt to have a physical. Let them draw some blood and see if all the chemicals that allow us to live are in the right proportion.

 

I just find it difficult to care whether or not that's the case. The way I see it, the problem is simply that I can't get out of my own way. I can't come up with things to aim my interest at, I can't properly connect with people. I dunno. Maybe I am "lazy". I really don't know. Either way, I feel like it's less a chemical thing and more a matter of self-sabotage, so to speak.

[preraph]

And your thought spiraling when you're not otherwise focused is how meds could help you, and if you do go see a psychiatrist/psychologist, that is something you should tell them is going on.  

[Inflikted]

See, though, I don't think my frustrations and my negative thoughts actually externalize themselves in such a way that it would actually be off-putting to the people around me. The thing is, for better or worse, at a very young age, my mom pounded it into my head that you should always "put on a mask" and lie to the world around you about your truest self, and I learned how to do that from her, and I learned further how to "play a role" from my 10+ years spent working in retail. So, when I go out into the world, I'm used to "putting on a mask" and playing the part of someone who's not a frustrated person. And I think I do it quite well, if I do say so, myself. And isn't that kind of the whole premise of "fake it til you make it"? To pretend you're something you're not until you actually just become that thing?

 

When it comes down to it, I'm simply not an "attractive" person. Physically, I'm abnormally short, and dopey looking. Personality-wise, I have zero charm or charisma. I'm overly naive and completely inexperienced with dating and intimacy. Because of that, I can never truly bring joy or happiness to another person. She wouldn't be physically attracted to me, our personalities wouldn't click, and everything would just be awkward and unpleasant. Because of who I am, I don't "deserve" to have someone in my life.

 

Meds and therapy or not, I'm still going to be all of those things, and my situation will never change, and I'll just spend the rest of my life using meds and therapy as a crutch to not feel so down about my situation. From my perspective, that doesn't seem much better than foregoing the crutch and just being unhappy. In either case, I still can't have what I actually want. And instead of throwing money away on a "crutch", I'd rather save my money and use it on things like a home for myself.

[schlumpy]

There are many personal qualities that attract or repel a potential SO. There is someone in this world for everyone and if you don't believe that then spend an afternoon at Walmart. 

[Inflikted]

4 hours ago, schlumpy said:

There are many personal qualities that attract or repel a potential SO. There is someone in this world for everyone and if you don't believe that then spend an afternoon at Walmart. 

 

It's a nice thought, but not necessarily realistic for everyone, unfortunately.

[Inflikted]

It's too bad "mail order brides" are so pricey. While it's not my most ideal scenario, "buying someone's love" is basically my last viable option. But, again, I'd rather be saving my money for things like a home. Sigh.

[MetallicHue]

3 hours ago, Inflikted said:

It's too bad "mail order brides" are so pricey. While it's not my most ideal scenario, "buying someone's love" is basically my last viable option. But, again, I'd rather be saving my money for things like a home. Sigh.

Ugh you are articulate just too much of a downer. Have a positive outlook. Hang out with other people and things will fall into place. No need to be so glum.