Would you give someone who hurt you a second chance?

[2BGoodAgain]

send a christmas card... simple merry christmas and a happy new year's.

 

Don't over think it. Think of what you'd write to your boss or professional colleague/guy. and write that.

 

Keep It Short & Simple.

Edited December 17, 2019 by 2BGoodAgain

[JoeyArnold]

Merry Christmas.

 

Long time no see.

 

That is what I just wrote to somebody.

 

I wrote those exact words about an hour ago in an email.

[kendahke]

my take:

While it's great that you now, in hindsight, see how dysfunctionally you proceeded with her, but your epiphany doesn't translate into her forgetting all that she was put through just because you now want a second chance that she's not obligated to give you.

 

One can forgive and never forget and for her, that's where she is right now. She may love you sincerely, but sincerely feel that "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me"

 

3 months in therapy isn't nearly enough time for you to have pulled out by the roots the very thought processes and behaviors you've invested in for over 2 decades--there are still miles of layers you still have to sift through to get to the roots---and she knows this, hence her keeping her physical distance from you.

 

In the meantime, focus on your therapy and don't use it as a means to get your ex back (she doesn't want to come back else she'd be with you by now).  Use it as a means to never engage in destructive behavior when you can't communicate your needs in the moment.

[getusedtoit]

I just wanted to give everyone an update and to thank everyone who replied and gave me wonderful input. I followed the advice here and sent her a holiday card. We've been talking ever since and she asked if we could see each other. I'm not 100% sure if reconciliation is in the cards, but this feels good and this feels right. I can't wait to see her.

For all of those struggling who might come across this thread going through a similar situation: become a better person first and foremost before you pursue anything else. 

[Marc878]

From what I've seen the only way to ever get them back is to let them go. Unless she initiates you have nothing to work with. Chasing usually pushes them farther away.

Shes probably thinks your change is only temporary and then you'd revert back and for the most part thats true.

Learn from this and work on yourself for your next relationship.

 

 

 

 

[Purepony]

On 12/30/2019 at 9:48 AM, Marc878 said:

From what I've seen the only way to ever get them back is to let them go. Unless she initiates you have nothing to work with. Chasing usually pushes them farther away.

Shes probably thinks your change is only temporary and then you'd revert back and for the most part thats true.

Learn from this and work on yourself for your next relationship.

 

 

 

 

I agree! Go nc with any hope of getting back or ever seeing them again. If it’s meant to be it will be. 
 

[heymck]

Reply to your original posting...

I was in your EXACT SAME situation mate - she didn't trust a 2nd chance

2 months of NC, I worked on myself and we started being friendly (similar to your current situation)

I wanted to fight for her, I did for another month. Then I gave up.

Turns out she DID have hopes - but they're gone now. I kissed another girl.

So I ask you. Is this girl worth fighting for? Is it worth delaying moving on for months and dealing with her being distant, if it results in reconciliation?

If the answer is yes. Then don't move on. Don't give up. Don't go near other girls. Work on your own life and proving to her that you can make each other happy, for good.

Edited February 5, 2020 by heymck

[Robert]

Thread locked till the thread starter returns, seems they have not been around in a while.

If they return and would like the thread re-opened then report on my post and we will do so, thanks all who have posted advice.