Harassed by family

[far800]

Hi everyone, 

 

Just wanted to share my story with you all, I think i just need to get this off my chest.

 

I married the man I love 2 years ago. Shortly before i got disowned by my family because my husband is not from the same caste as me.

I got thrown out of the house. Not only have I been disowned, my mother has been going door to door badmouthing me to people within my community and to family and friends. She sold off my belongings. She is saying i am of loose character had had multiple affairs (untrue) to break my marriage. I have broken off contact with my mother for 2 years and my sibling for 6 years  because of their behaviour towards me.

Now after 2 years they sent me messages on social media. I thought maybe after 2 years they are missing me or atleast regret some of their decisions, but they say i will go to hell for what i've done to my mother (abandoning her in old age ) and that my mother will never forgive me. First they denied kicking me out but when confronted with proof they said its good they kicked me out and that i deserved it and it was because i hit my mother ( I have never laid a finger on her). 

When I blocked them, they kept making new profiles to send me messages. Now I have deactivated my social media altogether. 

 

It just makes me sad that not only do they not regret the way they treated me, they are making up even more outrageous lies to justify their own abuse. 

 

Thanks for reading my story.

 

 

 

[preraph]

Yeah, they sound like a mess.  Guessing you're not completely without flaws having been raised in that family.  So spend some time sorting out what kind of bad behavior and ideas you got from them and get rid of that and become your own person, the better person.  YOu can always go on social media under a fake name and tell your friends.  As if you'd want to take care of someone who's abusive like that.  

 

 

[far800]

Yes, as a result of growing up in that family I have low self-esteem and i tend to think more negatively than positively. These are things I am working on. 

[schlumpy]

4 hours ago, far800 said:

Yes, as a result of growing up in that family I have low self-esteem and i tend to think more negatively than positively. These are things I am working on. 

I have to disagree. Considering the culture you live in you made a very bold step. It takes a person of strong character to go against their family and what I assume are cultural norms. You must love him very much. Most people should envy you.

 

The bias against your husband will always be there. At best, you can only hope for an uneasy truce. Stay open to family reconciliation but make them do all the heavy lifting. Keep to your values. If you concede anything to your family they will just view it as a win for them and redouble their efforts to destroy your marriage.

 

Accept that this is their problem, not yours. Please don't let them get you in a situation where they can do something physical to you like restraining you or some legalize about how you are mentally unfit because you married outside your caste. If they want to reestablish a relationship with you, then only meet in public areas for awhile until you are sure it is genuine or keep to the computer keyboard as a safety barrier.

 

You may feel that I'm going overboard warning you like this but people under social pressure can and have justified many heinous acts over the years, and I would hate to see someone with your qualities destroyed because of it.

 

Put a few hundred kilometers between you and them.

 

Please take care.

 

 

[far800]

On 12/11/2019 at 3:15 PM, schlumpy said:

I have to disagree. Considering the culture you live in you made a very bold step. It takes a person of strong character to go against their family and what I assume are cultural norms. You must love him very much. Most people should envy you.

 

The bias against your husband will always be there. At best, you can only hope for an uneasy truce. Stay open to family reconciliation but make them do all the heavy lifting. Keep to your values. If you concede anything to your family they will just view it as a win for them and redouble their efforts to destroy your marriage.

 

Accept that this is their problem, not yours. Please don't let them get you in a situation where they can do something physical to you like restraining you or some legalize about how you are mentally unfit because you married outside your caste. If they want to reestablish a relationship with you, then only meet in public areas for awhile until you are sure it is genuine or keep to the computer keyboard as a safety barrier.

 

You may feel that I'm going overboard warning you like this but people under social pressure can and have justified many heinous acts over the years, and I would hate to see someone with your qualities destroyed because of it.

 

Put a few hundred kilometers between you and them.

 

Please take care.

 

 

Thank you for your kind words. They do try to portray me as mentally unfit. But when i suggest therapy to sort out our problems, they get offended saying there is nothing wrong with them. There is also an inheritance issue at play which they need my signature for to collect. But that would mean travelling with them and i dont trust them one bit. 

[Maxpower3979]

I'm proud of you for the way you talk about your husband.  Besides your mention of what your family thinks of him (which is solely their issue) the only fact you gave about him is that you love him.  If he makes you feel that way, and your family can't see that past their own prejudices, then it's their problem, not yours.

 

It is sad.  I cut off contact with my parents a year ago to protect my wife and myself.  It's sad, not so much from the continued decision to not talk to them, but from the fact that they're not worth talking to.  That's the real loss.  The "family" that they're encouraging you to submit to doesn't exist.  It's just a handful of people who don't care about your happiness.  You used to call them family, and now you know they're not.

 

Whatever your solution is (physical distance, therapy, etc.), it's got to be about protecting yourself.  For that signature thing, do you really need to travel WITH them?  If there's any chance of taking a different flight, a different cab, or a different waiting room, spare yourself the hassle of seeing them one minute longer than you have to.  Best of luck.

Edited December 23, 2019 by Maxpower3979
Forgot to check "Notify me of replies"

[Maxpower3979]

I'm proud of you for the way you talk about your husband.  Besides your mention of what your family thinks of him (which is solely their issue) the only fact you gave about him is that you love him.  If he makes you feel that way, and your family can't see that past their own prejudices, then it's their problem, not yours.

 

It is sad.  I cut off contact with my parents a year ago to protect my wife and myself.  It's sad, not so much from the continued decision to not talk to them, but from the fact that they're not worth talking to.  That's the real loss.  The "family" that they're encouraging you to submit to doesn't exist.  It's just a handful of people who don't care about your happiness.  You used to call them family, and now you know they're not.

 

Whatever your solution is (physical distance, therapy, etc.), it's got to be about protecting yourself.  For that signature thing, do you really need to travel WITH them?  If there's any chance of taking a different flight, a different cab, or a different waiting room, spare yourself the hassle of seeing them one minute longer than you have to.  Best of luck.