Author Pink86 Posted December 12, 2019 Author Share Posted December 12, 2019 I wonder if there is anything I can do to fix it or should I just leave him alone? Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 Well, if you are reaching out to him and he's not responding, then there isn't likely much. You could (and I'm not recommending this) show up at his place unexpectedly. This would very likely have the effect of him either feeling forced into explaining to you why he's upset or simply ignoring you and telling you to go away. Perhaps he will be with a new girlfriend? At any rate, it's NOT likely to fix things. There is a slim (and I mean slim) chance he will feel the need to engage with you and that gives you an opportunity to attempt once again to explain what you meant. However people very often just hear what they want to hear or whatever fits their preconceived notions. Especially when under emotional duress which he probably would be upon seeing you at his door or similar. So, it's pretty much a hail Mary play and VERY likely to backfire and make things worse. IF he contacts you again at some point, that would be a sensible opportunity to attempt to re-engage and explain what you really want/meant. However, I genuinely hope you've moved on by then instead of clinging to this hope as you seem to be doing. Reality: There is nothing that special about this guy and plenty of other fish in the sea. Am I wrong about that? Sure the way this played out stings a bit; but you live and learn. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 your words may have said that you wouldn't get emotional but the very fact that you felt you needed to say them was more intimate than the situation warranted. he knows that the very fact you felt it necessary to say it that means you're already getting emotional. And he rightly saw it as inappropriate and premature and a level of communication he wasn't comfortable with at the beginning of whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pink86 Posted December 13, 2019 Author Share Posted December 13, 2019 So should I just not contact and see where it gets me? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 Look you have nothing with this guy and he doesn't seem interested, so I think you should just not contact him and move on with your life. Next time let things develop naturally or not at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pink86 Posted December 13, 2019 Author Share Posted December 13, 2019 Okay. Thanks so much 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 Next time set your sights I'm a boyfriend and don't compromise with some arrangement no strings sex. If you want to have casual sex you really don't need an arrangement to do that and you don't need to do it with the same person twice if you don't want to. I know that you're really wanting a boyfriend so there's just no reason to present yourself and compromise just to reel someone in because that's not going to work in your favor. There will always be a lot of guys who only want casual sex or sex. you certainly won't always be able to tell which ones do and which ones are just lying. But your best shot at finding a boyfriend is to be sincere and not compromise for something you don't truly aspire to. Good luck. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pink86 Posted December 13, 2019 Author Share Posted December 13, 2019 He ended up writing me saying sorry he was giving me space and had been busy at work and shopping for Christmas gifts. He is back to his old fun self again. What the heck?? Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 (edited) Pink86, at the very least a person you've had sex with would be friendly. Don't read too much into it and all of Preraph's advice. If you want a relationship don't lead with sex, fwb, sex buddy's or any of that. Lead with getting to know the human and them you. Edited December 13, 2019 by Timshel 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 Now that you have an opportunity, why don't you tell him that you really aren't looking for FWB but want to date and see if you can find a boyfriend and that you like him and would like to try with him if he wants the same thing, a girlfriend. Be sincere. Stop playing games about sex just to try to keep some part of him. He will like the woman better who wants a real relationship, as long as she's not pressuring him to BE that right now and makes clear wants to date with that in mind rather than FWB. He'll have more respect for that. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 Welp, if you want to re-engage this is your opportunity. I can't help but feel you're being (perhaps unconsciously) psychologically manipulated to feel "needier" for him. I could be wrong. Some men don't feel emotionally "safe" with a woman who isn't strongly into them. Also being desired more strongly can be a turn on for some. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pink86 Posted December 13, 2019 Author Share Posted December 13, 2019 So you think he is being hot and cold to try to make me want him more? Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted December 16, 2019 Share Posted December 16, 2019 He sounds very unpredictable and angry with it. He likes you and wants you but at the same time he is telling you he doesn't need you. He is confused and annoyed. Personally, I don't like the sound of his language but then again I am from an older generation. If someone accused me of f***, I'd think he was too volatile for me. If he is hurt and wants you, he could have said it so much better. I guess you like him but I think you should be cautious about inviting him into your life for a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 On 12/13/2019 at 1:18 PM, Pink86 said: So you think he is being hot and cold to try to make me want him more? Sorry about the delay responding. I think maybe he is doing that and it may or may not be fully conscious on his part. Link to post Share on other sites
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