sweetgirl75 Posted December 11, 2019 Share Posted December 11, 2019 I have a guy best friend that I have had for four years now. He recently stopped talking to me after I said that a guy started texting me. My best friend always treats me like a sister and hugs me like you would a sister. Our last conversation he was so focused on this one guy that was texting me and I have not heard from him since. I am so sad over this. I have never been in his business about women texting him because I feel that it is not my concern or place since we are not even dating. Link to post Share on other sites
exasperatedz Posted December 11, 2019 Share Posted December 11, 2019 Is he gay or straight? Does he have any feelings for u? Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted December 11, 2019 Share Posted December 11, 2019 Have you EVER given him a reason to think he has a chance with you? If not, then you will probably have to let it go. He will not happy listening to you tell him about a romance that he wishes was about him. Don't force the issue. It's not your fault he feels that pain, if you did nothing to encourage him. Some of it's on him for not allowing you to know. Let him have some space to get over it and he may come back at some future point if there is a real basis for the friendship. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweetgirl75 Posted December 11, 2019 Author Share Posted December 11, 2019 13 hours ago, exasperatedz said: Is he gay or straight? Does he have any feelings for u? He is straight. He always referred to me as his friend and that he was looking for a girlfriend online at one time 6 hours ago, schlumpy said: Have you EVER given him a reason to think he has a chance with you? If not, then you will probably have to let it go. He will not happy listening to you tell him about a romance that he wishes was about him. Don't force the issue. It's not your fault he feels that pain, if you did nothing to encourage him. Some of it's on him for not allowing you to know. Let him have some space to get over it and he may come back at some future point if there is a real basis for the friendship. Good luck. No I have not given him that impression. I was just comfortable talking to him because I did not think he had any feelings for me. I will give him some space. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 11, 2019 Share Posted December 11, 2019 (edited) He's not your friend. He's your orbiter. He is unreasonably hanging around thinking eventually something will possess you to fling your blouse off and climb aboard without him ever having to make a move, you know, like in the porn movies. It is VERY rare a guy only wants to be friends. Guys are ALL about wanting to have sex. This one is being cowardly, and you have a right to be mad because you're not leading him on. He's leading you on pretending to only be friends, and meanwhile, he's probably doing everything possible to block you dating and making other people think you're his girlfriend. It's dishonest. He probably thinks he's a "nice guy" and will think anyone you are interested in is a bad guy. So you're going to end up having to get rid of him. It's unfair because you lose a friend, but again, he's not really a friend. He's just trying to sneak up on you without risking rejection. Give him a lot of space and you never know what he might be doing online if he sees your social media. He may be interfering and telling people things that aren't true. At the very least, he's masturbating to photos of you. If you aren't ready to block him, then at least filter him out where he can't see your most personal stuff. It's just info he doesn't need to know at this point. Edited December 11, 2019 by preraph 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted December 11, 2019 Share Posted December 11, 2019 35 minutes ago, preraph said: He's just trying to sneak up on you without risking rejection. Great observation PreRaph, although I could have gone all night without the graphic masturbation statement. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 11, 2019 Share Posted December 11, 2019 ^ Schlumpy, I think I might have reached that age where you lose your filter! Oh, boy, just like when I was 19! Link to post Share on other sites
Inspire Posted December 14, 2019 Share Posted December 14, 2019 He obviously has a crush on you. He could be a beta orbiter and you never realized it because everything he's done was under a false pretense. These guys slip under the radar because women will assume "he's really nice, or "he treats me like his sister" and think nothing of it, but in situations like this it becomes clear because he has no reason to act the way he is unless of course he had feelings for you as more then just a friend. If he is an orbiter, I'd suggest taking what he says with a grain of salt. They have your ear and will attempt to sway your decisions when it comes to relationships. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 Some guys take longer to talk about their feelings with a girl they like. Its also them testing the waters to see if you are a decent fit with them. You obviously don't work on this clock however. I would just end the friendship for his sake at this point. None of this well if he comes around and doesn't realize its not a good idea for him bs. He shouldn't have to struggle with his feelings for you so you can up your friend count by one. And I stopped reading the graphic masturbation post before it got there due to a lack of interest. Crap! Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted December 29, 2019 Share Posted December 29, 2019 I just listened to a podcast about this; how men and women can't be friends with the opposite gender if they find that person attractive. Like the other posters have pointed out, your "best guy friend" probably is attracted to you secretly, and hasn't been honest with you because he's afraid of rejection. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 29, 2019 Share Posted December 29, 2019 On 12/26/2019 at 10:32 PM, dispatch3d said: Some guys take longer to talk about their feelings with a girl they like. Its also them testing the waters to see if you are a decent fit with them. Spoken like a true orbiter. If a man wants to find out if you're a "decent match" for them, instead of hanging around under false pretenses and lying by omission, they are supposed to be a man and ask you out on a date or dates. The first requisite for if someone is a "decent match" for you is if they accept an actual date with you, which shows they are at least open to romantic interest. If they don't accept, they're not open to it and you go away. And the sooner a man asks them out, the more positive an impression they will make because the woman will at least know they're not chicken. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 29, 2019 Share Posted December 29, 2019 6 hours ago, preraph said: Spoken like a true orbiter. If a man wants to find out if you're a "decent match" for them, instead of hanging around under false pretenses and lying by omission, they are supposed to be a man and ask you out on a date or dates. The first requisite for if someone is a "decent match" for you is if they accept an actual date with you, which shows they are at least open to romantic interest. If they don't accept, they're not open to it and you go away. And the sooner a man asks them out, the more positive an impression they will make because the woman will at least know they're not chicken. LOL - spoken like somebody still stuck in the 1950's. Ultimately, though, men "have zero interest in being mere 'friends' with women they wouldn't rather be banging" - "Dr Drew" Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 The dude has been orbiting her for four years. He's going to be in his fifties before he ever gets laid. Link to post Share on other sites
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