RicoRodrigo Posted December 11, 2019 Posted December 11, 2019 Summary of my situation: I’m 21, Male, decent looking, +100k saved, and a pretty good job. I live in a small town not very many women too chose from. I’ve never had an actual relationship. Was in the talking stage pretty serious once but I bitched out of it. Never had sex, hell never even kissed a girl. Been feeling depressed and just felt somethings missing in my life. Scrolling through twitter one day and see this pretty girl that’s been recommended to me. Looked through her profile and see we have some stuff in common. She goes to a college around 2 hours away from me. So I end up following her. (She never followed me back) She only has around 50 followers and only (re) tweets like once every month or so but stuff that she likes constantly pops up on my twitter. I’ve been following her for like two months. As far as trying to communicate with her, I’ve liked one of her retweets and that’s all. I can’t dm her even if I wanted to because it’s followers only. I know I sound like a beta bitch and it sounds creepy but I’ve got a huge crush on this girl, never met her, and I have no idea why. I’ve been telling myself, if she posts a selfie or next time she tweets I’ll like it and maybe she’ll be like, “oh he’s interested in me” she follows me back, I strike up a conversation and that’s my shot. She doesn’t have many guys like her stuff. So I think that gives me a chance SMFH so pretty much do I need to quit being a weird beta bitch and quit wasting my time with on this girl? BC she has no idea who I am. Or I Like one of her own selfies and see what happens? Or just jump off a local bridge? I’m not trying to be stalkerish or anything. I just put myself in a weird situation where I have a huge crush on this girl. If she’d blocked me or tell me to f*** off, I’d be depressed for a day or two and then move on. No randomly popping up at her door step or anything like that, no crazy stalker s***.
d0nnivain Posted December 11, 2019 Posted December 11, 2019 Heavens. If you can't even bring yourself to "like" somebody's social media post you got a long way to go to be ready to date. Since she is not following you back, I think this is a non-starter unlikely to turn into anything including you two ever meeting. I understand it's a small town but what have you ever done to meet women? Are you in clubs? Where do you work? Who are your guy buddies? Do they have GFs who can set you up? Who did you go to school with? What's in the next town over?
Author RicoRodrigo Posted December 11, 2019 Author Posted December 11, 2019 3 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Heavens. If you can't even bring yourself to "like" somebody's social media post you got a long way to go to be ready to date. Since she is not following you back, I think this is a non-starter unlikely to turn into anything including you two ever meeting. I understand it's a small town but what have you ever done to meet women? Are you in clubs? Where do you work? Who are your guy buddies? Do they have GFs who can set you up? Who did you go to school with? What's in the next town over? Take it easy on me lol, I’m a rookie! She’s tweeted two things since I’ve been following one which I did like, but it was a retweet so I mean.... What have I done to meet women? Uhh nothing really. Since I’ve graduated I worked 7 days a week, 8-12 hours a day. It’s finally slowed down and I’ve been working 5 days a week here recently. My best friend, pretty much the only friend I talk to, is married and I went to HS with them both. All my other HS friends, party and drink which I’m not into. Next town over is pretty much like where I’m at now. Small. Biggest city pretty much is where she’s going to college. My HS had like 200 people. And thanks for the reply. I know i rambled on a bunch! your input is appreciated.
preraph Posted December 11, 2019 Posted December 11, 2019 (edited) You know, Twitter is not about dating and hitting on people. If you followed and she didn't follow back, she likely looked at your profile and decided no, which doesn't mean no to dating you, but no, she wasn't interested in your profile. I guess your only tool here to try to get her attention at all is retweet with a comment (not to her, just in general) and she'll see you retweeted her. I mean, it can be inane stuff like "That's so funny" or whatever, not directed at her . Edited December 11, 2019 by preraph
d0nnivain Posted December 11, 2019 Posted December 11, 2019 OK so you are a work-a-holic. That explains your impressive net worth. But you can't lead with that. How far away is the next "big city" however you define that. It doesn't have to be NY or LA but something with at least 10-20,000 people. Go there. Volunteer somewhere doing something you care about -- on a political campaign, fighting disease, raising money for the arts, caring for shelter pets. Doesn't matter what you do, just put yourself out there in the real world. Tell everybody you know that you are open to being fixed up. Create an OLD profile. Join a co-ed sports team.
lurker74 Posted December 11, 2019 Posted December 11, 2019 First of all, stop calling yourself a beta bitch. Being nervous doesn't make you beta or a bitch. It makes you human. So there's no sense talking yourself down since all it does is reinforce your negative self image. Second, you do not have a crush on her; you have concocted an imaginary feeling of her based on very limited information. That isn't even infatuation...it's illusion. And third, while you can slide into someone's DMs, just understand that if that happens, it's more luck than anything. So keep following her and maybe some day you two may communicate. If you do, you may find out you hate her or maybe you'll get married. In the meantime, focus on finding someone closer and more real. If you are decent looking, online dating should work well for you...you'll screw up the first few because you hate on yourself too much but with time, you'll get better.
Author RicoRodrigo Posted December 11, 2019 Author Posted December 11, 2019 42 minutes ago, preraph said: You know, Twitter is not about dating and hitting on people. If you followed and she didn't follow back, she likely looked at your profile and decided no, which doesn't mean no to dating you, but no, she wasn't interested in your profile. I guess your only tool here to try to get her attention at all is retweet with a comment (not to her, just in general) and she'll see you retweeted her. I mean, it can be inane stuff like "That's so funny" or whatever, not directed at her . Ehhh Yeah twitter isn’t about hitting on people or dating but neither is going to the mall and running into someone attractive or even going to the grocery store and hitting on someone I guess.... My twitter is pretty bland. Nothing too personal is on it other than my birthday and where I’m from. I never tweet out anything personal, I just retweet funny stuff and sports. When I first started following her, my profile pic was me two years ago loool (I’ve recently changed it to current) And i think that’s giving me (probably false) hope. “She knows pretty much nothing about me and that’s why she hasn’t followed back. If I only had a conversation with her.” Those are pretty much my thoughts, but I’d say I would be better off unfollowing and try to erase her from my memory lol thanks for your advice!
preraph Posted December 11, 2019 Posted December 11, 2019 Thing is you have no way of knowing if she's already paired up! If she ever posts about something that is a mutual hobby of yours, respond with a photo of you doing the hobby or of the hobby itself. You can respond even if you can't DM.
Author RicoRodrigo Posted December 11, 2019 Author Posted December 11, 2019 45 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: OK so you are a work-a-holic. That explains your impressive net worth. But you can't lead with that. How far away is the next "big city" however you define that. It doesn't have to be NY or LA but something with at least 10-20,000 people. Go there. Volunteer somewhere doing something you care about -- on a political campaign, fighting disease, raising money for the arts, caring for shelter pets. Doesn't matter what you do, just put yourself out there in the real world. Tell everybody you know that you are open to being fixed up. Create an OLD profile. Join a co-ed sports team. Where I work at was being built and had a deadline, I was responsible for helping it be built, now my job is just to maintain it. That’s why I was working those hours. Where she’s at there’s +40,000 people which is almost 2 hours away.Next closest is like 1 1/2 away which has 30,000. Every where else in between is like 1-10k people. All the stuff you’ve mentioned I’d say the OLD is my best bet, considered it before, was afraid of matching with someone I went to school with lool. It’s a small town and word gets around quick.
d0nnivain Posted December 11, 2019 Posted December 11, 2019 OLD is a crap shoot & it can be incredibly demoralizing. Use it as a supplement not your best bet.
Author RicoRodrigo Posted December 12, 2019 Author Posted December 12, 2019 2 hours ago, lurker74 said: First of all, stop calling yourself a beta bitch. Being nervous doesn't make you beta or a bitch. It makes you human. So there's no sense talking yourself down since all it does is reinforce your negative self image. Second, you do not have a crush on her; you have concocted an imaginary feeling of her based on very limited information. That isn't even infatuation...it's illusion. And third, while you can slide into someone's DMs, just understand that if that happens, it's more luck than anything. So keep following her and maybe some day you two may communicate. If you do, you may find out you hate her or maybe you'll get married. In the meantime, focus on finding someone closer and more real. If you are decent looking, online dating should work well for you...you'll screw up the first few because you hate on yourself too much but with time, you'll get better. My twitter is pretty bland. I never tweet anything personal. Only retweet sports and funny stuff. I’ve been convincing myself maybe that’s why she hasn’t given me a chance. You think if like her next couple tweets, she’ll think I’m interested in her and give me a chance? Or should I just unfollow, forget about it, and quit being a dumbass? And I’m mostly certainly being a beta in this situation lool.
bradt93 Posted December 12, 2019 Posted December 12, 2019 3 hours ago, RicoRodrigo said: Take it easy on me lol, I’m a rookie! She’s tweeted two things since I’ve been following one which I did like, but it was a retweet so I mean.... What have I done to meet women? Uhh nothing really. Since I’ve graduated I worked 7 days a week, 8-12 hours a day. It’s finally slowed down and I’ve been working 5 days a week here recently. My best friend, pretty much the only friend I talk to, is married and I went to HS with them both. All my other HS friends, party and drink which I’m not into. Next town over is pretty much like where I’m at now. Small. Biggest city pretty much is where she’s going to college. My HS had like 200 people. And thanks for the reply. I know i rambled on a bunch! your input is appreciated. You and me are in the same situation somewhat. I'm just not a social person though period and I'm afraid if I approach a girl she'll say get away from me "retard" I hate using that word, but I was called that in middle school and it was very cruel. Of course what do I expect living in a hick town?
Author RicoRodrigo Posted December 12, 2019 Author Posted December 12, 2019 15 hours ago, bradt93 said: You and me are in the same situation somewhat. I'm just not a social person though period and I'm afraid if I approach a girl she'll say get away from me "retard" I hate using that word, but I was called that in middle school and it was very cruel. Of course what do I expect living in a hick town? Yeah exactly, I’ve stayed away from trying with local girls after I got curved pretty rudely. She told a bunch of people and it seemed like everyone ended up knowing. Was awkward anytime I was around her or she was mentioned. Getting curved/lead on sucks. That’s why I’m on the route I’m on.
smackie9 Posted December 12, 2019 Posted December 12, 2019 This is going to be a bit harsh but you have to get out from behind the digital world and meet people irl. That means making friends, getting hobbies that involves being with people doin stuff together, having things in common, and developing a social life. No woman out there is going to be interested in a guy that depends on twitter or anything else to talk to people. You don't have to jump out of a plane or drive a Maserati, just learn to socially interact with people and get a life. When you are out doing stuff, and enjoying other people's company, that will give you opportunity to meet women organically. If you have a little dough to spend, hire a life/dating coach. Money well spent. 1
bradt93 Posted December 12, 2019 Posted December 12, 2019 1 hour ago, RicoRodrigo said: Yeah exactly, I’ve stayed away from trying with local girls after I got curved pretty rudely. She told a bunch of people and it seemed like everyone ended up knowing. Was awkward anytime I was around her or she was mentioned. Getting curved/lead on sucks. That’s why I’m on the route I’m on. Try tinder. I mean I think trying with women who are not in your local town is better anyways, because you can start new.
Author RicoRodrigo Posted December 12, 2019 Author Posted December 12, 2019 1 hour ago, smackie9 said: This is going to be a bit harsh but you have to get out from behind the digital world and meet people irl. That means making friends, getting hobbies that involves being with people doin stuff together, having things in common, and developing a social life. No woman out there is going to be interested in a guy that depends on twitter or anything else to talk to people. You don't have to jump out of a plane or drive a Maserati, just learn to socially interact with people and get a life. When you are out doing stuff, and enjoying other people's company, that will give you opportunity to meet women organically. If you have a little dough to spend, hire a life/dating coach. Money well spent. The truth hurts! I don’t think I rely on twitter to talk to women. Just a one time thing that I’ve been told is an unhealthy obsession. Which I’m going to cut out I think I know how to socially interact. Had plenty of friends in high school. Most of my friends from HS either work far away or are heavy partiers and drinkers, which I’m not into. I still talk to one of my friends daily from HS. But since HS until now, I worked 7 days a week. But I 100% agree that I don’t have a life. Work recently slowed down but now I work Monday to Friday 7-5. And on weekends I pretty much just play video games because there’s nothing to do where I live. I didn’t have a problem before talking/hitting on girls in HS that I knew. But girls I never met before, I 100% have no idea what to say or do. If a random girl I never met before would hit on me, which has happened, I have no clue what to say or do. Must be a confidence problem I guess? I think I’m just socially awkward at first. But between work and living somewhere with a little amount of people that’s definitely a problem.
preraph Posted December 12, 2019 Posted December 12, 2019 If you have real interests, then if someone talks to you, you always have something to talk about. Of course, if someone talks to you, ask them what they do for fun and try to start a conversation that way ,or ask what their work is. Just ask about them if they are being friendly. Now you're not working as much, get at least one mixed-gender hobby going on weekends, kayaking, bowling, cooking class, going to see bands, whatever.
smackie9 Posted December 12, 2019 Posted December 12, 2019 (edited) As they say "All work, and no play, makes Jack a dull boy." The more you don't interact with people, the more stagnant mentally you become. And IMO this is what is causing the awkwardness, and befuddlement towards taking/making contact with women you don't know. But how to you get to know them if you don't make contact/talk to them? Right? Playing video games is very isolating, so make plans to go out of town for something to do. Like go see a life coach. Hey they will teach you how to manage your time, find ways to get you out there, and be your cheerleader to boost your confidence. Edited December 12, 2019 by smackie9 1
fishlips Posted December 12, 2019 Posted December 12, 2019 Since you are from a small town, there is a good chance that you and her have a mutual friend. If you can find someone to introduce you to her, that would be a start. If there is no one, then you'll just have to let this crush go and try to meet more people. Or you could move to a bigger city. I don't think I would have gotten married if I stayed in the same town where I grew up.
Recommended Posts