My friend who is in a relationship is upset with me about going on a date

[JohnGoober]

I live in a shared house and a girl moved in to one of the rooms from another country round 4 months ago. I helped her settle in, showed her around and since then, we became good friends. We would go out every week and realized we have a lot of things in common. She said she didn't connect with anyone in her class and had trouble making friends and that she felt comfortable around me. We would go for evening walks, cook together all the time, go out on hikes almost every weekend and developed a good friendship. She did mention she has a boyfriend and I was relived because I had gone through a bad break up and just wanted a friend to spend more time with. I'm not sure how well her relationship is with her boyfriend.

 

I introduced her to my friends, celebrated birthdays together and one night when we were drunk, she told me she felt jealous of my best friend who is a female. S Every time I hung out with my friends, I invited her and likewise, no matter where she went, she would ask me to join her. She even called me her best friend. Sometimes, my best friend and I meet alone to hang out and this made her very jealous.

Here's when things started to get weird. She asked me what I feel about her. I told her she's a good friend and she probably was expecting something else. She seemed disappointed and told me she feels jealous about others being more closer to me. She told me she found me attractive and asked me if I found her attractive or was ever horny about her, I told her I don't see her that way. I recently went on a date without telling her and when I came home, my housemate asked me where I had gone and I told her I went on a date. She immediately seemed to get upset and started acting cold since then. The next weekend I was out on my date and when I got home very late, she told me she was wondering where I had been all day. I started to maintain my distance from her and she seems angry at me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm being a bad friend for going out and not telling her but then I tell myself, she's just a friend and I have my own personal life. I don't think she likes me, she's got a boyfriend but this friendship is confusing me.

[mark clemson]

It sounds like she feels or felt some sort of bond with you and thus is jealous. She may be a bit immature or have some sort of (minor) psychological issue and so isn't good with the friends vs "something a little bit more" boundary. Possibly she is lonely or unhappy with her (LTR?) BF and is seeking to monkeybranch or perhaps have a tryst with you (not recommended).

 

Overall it does sound like she's needy at some level towards you even though you haven't established any kind of R.

 

No specific advice. One never knows, but in all likelihood this will just continue to be an awkward but minor undercurrent until life takes you both on your separate ways again.

[schlumpy]

I will assume you are male.

 

You don't indicate what country she is from or if you have ever met, seen or have knowledge of her boy friend. So I'm guessing he is located in her country of origin. He may be more then a boyfriend in that he could be her future husband. I don't know all the ends and outs of these relationships but arranged marriages are common.

 

She is attracted to you but you are not returning the admiration so she had to be more forward about it.  I imagine she has a tremendous conflict about this as a woman's fidelity is taken quite seriously in many countries, but she is far from home and who is to know? The heart wants what it wants, right?

 

Before she takes the plunge she wants to know it the risk if worth it. You pretty much told her it wasn't. Now she has to contain her emotions while seeing you all the time. It's going to be awkward because she feels rejected but I don't see where you were at fault. Being thoughtful and kind to someone new in our culture isn't the same as flirting but who knows what the significance is in her culture?

 

This to shall pass.

[Foxhall]

Shes clearly infatuated with you. 

 

It may be one of those ones- You either give her what she wants and be her boyfriend or you may have to go your separate ways altogether,

 

 

 

 

[d0nnivain]

The BF back home was either a fabrication or her time at the house has weakened her connection to him.  Moreover, she has fallen for you over the time you have been spending together.  You saw all the activities you were doing to together as friends hanging out.  In her mind they were more like dates.  Now that she no longer commands your full attention & some other girl is getting the romance, she is annoyed.  You have a problem since you live in the same house with her.  Hopefully she won't cause a scene if you bring a date home.  

 

Is she traveling back to her country for the holidays?  Perhaps that break will do you some good & she'll have time to see this BF of hers. 

[PinkFlamingo]

On 12/13/2019 at 4:45 AM, JohnGoober said:

I live in a shared house and a girl moved in to one of the rooms from another country round 4 months ago. I helped her settle in, showed her around and since then, we became good friends. We would go out every week and realized we have a lot of things in common. She said she didn't connect with anyone in her class and had trouble making friends and that she felt comfortable around me. We would go for evening walks, cook together all the time, go out on hikes almost every weekend and developed a good friendship. She did mention she has a boyfriend and I was relived because I had gone through a bad break up and just wanted a friend to spend more time with. I'm not sure how well her relationship is with her boyfriend.

 

I introduced her to my friends, celebrated birthdays together and one night when we were drunk, she told me she felt jealous of my best friend who is a female. S Every time I hung out with my friends, I invited her and likewise, no matter where she went, she would ask me to join her. She even called me her best friend. Sometimes, my best friend and I meet alone to hang out and this made her very jealous.

Here's when things started to get weird. She asked me what I feel about her. I told her she's a good friend and she probably was expecting something else. She seemed disappointed and told me she feels jealous about others being more closer to me. She told me she found me attractive and asked me if I found her attractive or was ever horny about her, I told her I don't see her that way. I recently went on a date without telling her and when I came home, my housemate asked me where I had gone and I told her I went on a date. She immediately seemed to get upset and started acting cold since then. The next weekend I was out on my date and when I got home very late, she told me she was wondering where I had been all day. I started to maintain my distance from her and she seems angry at me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm being a bad friend for going out and not telling her but then I tell myself, she's just a friend and I have my own personal life. I don't think she likes me, she's got a boyfriend but this friendship is confusing me.

 

There are men who see willing women every and even a "Get lost, you jerk!" will be construed into an invitation for something more. And then there are men who would wonder if the naked woman in their bedroom was interested in them. 😂

Edited December 22, 2019 by PinkFlamingo