Maplewaffle Posted December 14, 2019 Share Posted December 14, 2019 Both 21. Long distance for a year. During fights he hit up a woman on Instagram who he sexted with twice. He sent one topless picture of himself once, then sexted. That was 2 months into our relationship. 6 months into our relationship he hit her up again and asked for pics which she didn’t send and they had a short sexting conversation. Another six months later, 2-3 weeks ago he hit her up again with nothing happening. We almost broke up there and he wanted a plan B, he says. He is currently on the phone with me having panic attacks and freaking out. He said he felt guilty while doing it and I am torn because it was so superficial (totally random girl) and I didn’t really send the pictures or videos but he has been trying to fool, deny and trickle truth me since this morning. Everyone is baffled. He didn’t seem like a cheater. He says it was like porn to him, he didn’t know her and wanted to get off. She didn’t know he had a girlfriend. At first he claimed she was for “relationship advice”. Ironic as ever. I am torn apart. He says he will change, he wants to attend therapy and he has promised to never do it again but I am so hurt and betrayed. I don’t know anymore. Is there any excuse? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 14, 2019 Share Posted December 14, 2019 DO NOT close the distance with this man is all I can say. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maplewaffle Posted December 14, 2019 Author Share Posted December 14, 2019 21 minutes ago, elaine567 said: DO NOT close the distance with this man is all I can say. Yes Elaine, I can’t even think of it right now. Is it even justifiable? He never knew the girl and sexted with her when he felt like he was losing me. He is on the autism spectrum, maybe it ties to this in any way. The way he tried to fool me like an idiot destroyed me. He says he didn’t even realise that it was true cheating because he didn’t know her and it felt like porn to him. I also got the classic “it wasn’t even good”. I don’t know anymore. I feel so broken. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 14, 2019 Share Posted December 14, 2019 Hugs. Best you know now than had you found out after the move. He won't change, he just wants you to be OK with it. He could perhaps fool you once "I didn't know it was cheating" but three times? Three times you know about anyway.. Even if we forget about the morals of the situation, he knew this upset you, yet he continued to do it, is that a man you can trust to look after your well being? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 16, 2019 Share Posted December 16, 2019 You're only 21. Don't tie yourself to a guy who has no respect for you or your relationship, and behaves so immaturely and selfishly. He is in no way ready for a committed relationship, and this will more than likely happen again and again. It won't be worth your pain in the end. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 16, 2019 Share Posted December 16, 2019 What a lair this guy is, if he needed sex why didn't he turn to you? He'd rather sext with her than have actual sex with you? Yes he's a cheater and would do her in person if he had the chance. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 It takes a lot of trust, stability, confidence, and MATURITY, to sustain a LDR. Stop complaining about his behavior and end it. It's not going to change or get any better. It's obviously making you both fight, and him act like a brat. Accept this isn't for you, and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 It's really unrealistic to expect men or women that young to be ready to settle down for life. It's not unrealistic to expect for them to be faithful for the duration of what is probably not going to be a long-term relationship, but when it's a long distance relationship, that usually just doesn't work out because it's out of sight out of mind. And at his age, he's going to be looking at other women for a few years at least. and he'll end up involved with one who lives in the same place he does and I advise you to do the same. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lost33 Posted December 21, 2019 Share Posted December 21, 2019 How will you know you can trust him in a LDR? You've only been together a short time, if it were me I would end it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 (edited) On 12/14/2019 at 12:50 PM, Maplewaffle said: I am torn apart. He says he will change, he wants to attend therapy and he has promised to never do it again but I am so hurt and betrayed. I don’t know anymore. Is there any excuse? He doesn't sound like someone who will never do it again. I mean, Quote At 2 months into our relationship, during fights he hit up a woman on Instagram who he sexted with twice. He sent one topless picture of himself once, then sexted. 6 months into our relationship he hit her up again and asked for pics which she didn’t send and they had a short sexting conversation. Another six months later, 2-3 weeks ago he hit her up again with nothing happening. Is someone who does this capable of changing their behavior, or are they crying and acting a fool because, oh I don't know.... ...THEY GOT CAUGHT? Nothing about the idea of you stopped him from freely sending half nudes and sexting to this chick. You need to have a long, hard think on that one, OP. Quote he wanted a plan B, he says. he can want whatever til times get better, but that doesn't mean he's entitled to it or should get it out of you. What kind of serious consequences have you put in place for him to run into? If you just roll over for this so-called "plan B", then prepare yourself for more of the same antics out of him... and it will age you before your time. Don't squander your youth behind this clod. Edited December 24, 2019 by kendahke 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Kaarek Posted December 31, 2019 Share Posted December 31, 2019 Maybe it's time for you to find someone closer or perhaps in the same city in order to avoid these issues. Don't waste your time with LDRs they're not healthy unless you meet that person often and ultimately move out together. You have to see people face to face, to have an idea of who they are. Best Regards 🙂 Link to post Share on other sites
Daisydooks Posted January 4, 2020 Share Posted January 4, 2020 On 12/14/2019 at 12:50 PM, Maplewaffle said: Both 21. Long distance for a year. During fights he hit up a woman on Instagram who he sexted with twice. He sent one topless picture of himself once, then sexted. That was 2 months into our relationship. 6 months into our relationship he hit her up again and asked for pics which she didn’t send and they had a short sexting conversation. Another six months later, 2-3 weeks ago he hit her up again with nothing happening. We almost broke up there and he wanted a plan B, he says. He is currently on the phone with me having panic attacks and freaking out. He said he felt guilty while doing it and I am torn because it was so superficial (totally random girl) and I didn’t really send the pictures or videos but he has been trying to fool, deny and trickle truth me since this morning. Everyone is baffled. He didn’t seem like a cheater. He says it was like porn to him, he didn’t know her and wanted to get off. She didn’t know he had a girlfriend. At first he claimed she was for “relationship advice”. Ironic as ever. I am torn apart. He says he will change, he wants to attend therapy and he has promised to never do it again but I am so hurt and betrayed. I don’t know anymore. Is there any excuse? Move on. You're young. Find a better man. I promise they are out there. What a waste of time and energy. No excuse in my books. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 On 12/14/2019 at 9:50 AM, Maplewaffle said: he wanted a plan B He's going to need plan B fairly soon, but I don't know that he's smart enough to know that she's the one who should take it. Link to post Share on other sites
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