5yr relationship over, painful, how do i let go finally?

[tapmadi]

I have been in a relationship for about 5-years this woman brought me so much happiness. unfortunately the relationship did not work out. I don't understand why I can't get over this girl it hurts so much I'm obsessed. I won't get into the reasons why why it hasn't worked out but I know she has moved on because she has to get on with her life. We break up and then a week goes by and she messages me because she misses me and then the cycle continues will be break up again. But through her family shes gotten engaged she's moved on with someone else. she comes from a culture where she has to get married. so while having an emotional connection with me she has got into a engagement with another man via her family. we meet up occasionally and I'm not going to lie I I get intimate with her because I want more than friendship with her and I end up sleeping with her only to feel close again, she refuses to tell me she loves me because she says it makes it all too real about what we have. she just pushes everything under the carpet and and doesn't acknowledge her feelings for me. we have been through an endless cycle of breakups brought back to each other only through attachment and habit. every night I see her online on WhatsApp and I get upset thinking she's talking to him. why does the curiosity got the better of me it's as if I just can't help put I just feel like throwing my phone away. I just don't know what to do how do I finally accept that it's over because in the back of my mind I still hope that she'll message me anyway. but I'm not messaging her because I want her to miss me but at the same time I can't talk to her because I get upset because she cannot give me what i want. even if I delete her number I'm just going to end up re-entering a number to check if she's online. and now I'm obsessing about thoughts with her being with someone else and going out for dinner and social activities.

 

when she told me a few weeks ago that she had gotten engaged somebody through her family I absolutely lost it with her I was abusive via messages I swore and she let me have my my outburst. I know that she still has feelings for me but ultimately she has to look to the future and get married but we are still in an on and off relationship only because we have feelings. 

 

now to my obsession about wanting to know every single detail about him the new partner the fiance that she's engaged to. she refuses to entertain any questions about him she won't tell me anything about him and I just don't know why she won't tell me. she feels uncomfortable when I mention it. I have a visions where I catch them in a car together like in the same places we were making out in the same spot. I even find myself driving to spot where we used to hang out in the car just in case I see her with him and I just want to catch them in the act and just go mad at her. why do I have an inclination to want to to punish myself by wanting to catch them to see them it's almost as if I want her to feel guilty so guilty that she's done this to me that she just feels rubbish. why am I mentally self-harming myself by entertaining thoughts about him and her? what's wrong with me. 

 

 

I honestly feel that my emotions for her I like a curse I feel cursed the moment because I think about her so much. I think I am going through depression at the moment because life isn't great at the moment in other aspects and she was my only outlet and joy. 

 

can someone just give me an idea of how to just finally let go of someone. even if I block her and delete her and change my number that learning is still there and it just does not go away, it seems to get worse as the days go by my everyday is like a marathon I always feel like I'm grieving in a death. 

[schlumpy]

There is no way to turn off the passion you feel but for passing time and distance from your ex GF. The world will not be right for a long time . There is a program called the 180 and you can find it at the chump lady web site. It may help you eventually get over the pain but the worst part will be blocking her on all social media and getting rid of anything that reminds you of her. The favorite places you went to? Don't go there. Did you two have a favorite food? Don't make it and don't eat it. Favorite TV program or movie? Don't watch it. Rearrange the furniture in your house too give you fresh perspective. Never talk to her and never see her. Tell your friends not to talk about her. Get rid of the memorabilia. Did she buy any presents? Take them to the attic.

 

After you've expunged all traces of her from your life you have to wait until time sorts out your emotions. Turn you life over to the robotic motions of routine and ritual. Make your bed in the morning. Get up at the same time and go to bed at the same time. Regularize your life so you can avoid thinking as much as possible. It's called busy work.  In your case I think therapy should be an option.

[zivo]

Women love to play games and lead you on. Sounds like thats what shes doing in this case. You have to be alpha and not give a s***. You asking about her fiance is a huge sign of weakness. You should not care, you two aren't dating and if anything are just friends with benefits. If you can be alpha then just leave things as is and only entertain her if she reaches out, dont ever be the first one. If you absolutely cant do that, then block her from everything and never try and talk to her again.

[BC1980]

You can't let go of someone instantaneously. It takes a lot of time to let go of a 5 year relationship. The only way to eventually let go is time and distance. You have to erase the person from your life completely. No calling, no social media, no internet stalking, no keeping pictures around, ect. 
 

It could take a few years to feel complete indifference, but you can get there with strict NC like I just described.