Successfully Approaching Girls becoming harder?

[ForkHandles]

Hola, so first and foremost hello, guten tag and bonjour to everyone. One thing we all know is that it always helps to get things off your chest and mind (responsibly of course!) and I feel I can benefit from this forum. Given the advent on social media I was pleasantly surprised to see this place is quite active, as quite frankly I don't have to give too much away unlike on Facebook et al, especially in this day and age of stalkers etc, anyway enough waffling.... a 'brief' backstory on me to begin with.

 

I am 34, lived in suburban Leeds since 2012, have 2 jobs, one of which is my own pet care business which I eventually plan to go full time with, and it's going in the right direction. Prior to 2012 I lived in the middle of nowhere and had an extremely sheltered childhood and early adulthood etc especially when the recession hit. I started building a social circle in Leeds in 2010, which eventually lead to me moving there and not having to rely on limited timetable busses and rip-off Taxis. Around this time I started seeing a woman 16 years older than me, and she basically used me up and spat me out, and one of many stupid people, societies, schools etc who brainwashed me into the 'nice guy' mentality. Thankfully I've learned from this. The experiences with the woman however put me off trying to date women, I had started travelling, going to concerts etc and felt I didn't need them, bad mistake, as i ended up missing signals that a Romanian housemate who came along in 2013 was interested in me, and has sadly since then moved to Auf Wiedersehen Pet land.

 

My viewpoint on wanting to date etc changed when I was 32 and developed a crush on a girl 5 years younger than me from Southern Italy, I had known her since 2015 and we met at concerts abroad and some other friends, and I decided I wanted her, no matter the cost.... but I was completely out of practice and didn't know what to do, even my closest friends were reluctant to help. So I tried to kiss her, it all went wrong, but then later that year she started giving different vibes and mixed signals as if she might be interested, unfortunately not and we briefly fell out (for a day). We remain friends though.

 

My social circle had been shrinking during this time with most friends from 2010 having children, moving away, getting away and married etc, I started going to meetups and tried approaching girls in bars that weren't part of the group, the first time things went well, actually got unexpected kisses from girls when I had to leave them, I later pulled a girl in a kebab shop, but when I took her on a date it turned out she wasn't what I remembered, but didn't mind. The following weekend was where it all went wrong, the organiser of one group threatening physical violence, also the same night my approaches to girls became were met with hostility from all those I approached. I decided to stop going out,  that following morning I had visits to do for my business and felt it was no longer worth going out and risking with this in mind.

 

It was at this point after coming back from Japan that I felt my only social circle were people abroad who I met at concerts. In late April this year I took up Cuban salsa lessons and have not looked back since. We occasionally go social dancing in town, and the first time around I approached a nice girl with the offer to dance and had a great dance with her, but then made the mistake of letting her go just because I couldn't hear her (I've never been able to get over my pet peeve of bars so loud you can't have a conversation). This Friday though, I went to the same bar with a male friend who I met at Salsa to try social dancing, but we got the same cold, bitchy #meetoo movement reception I got a few months ago, which leads to my question, why do some women blow hot and cold with being approached?

 

I wouldn't describe myself as naturally anxious, or an introvert or extrovert, like normal people I have good days and bad days when it comes to the frame of mind, but the one thing I have found a lot on my travels is that foreign girls, particularly Eastern Europeans, Italians and Spanish girls are far more laid back than British girls.

 

I have tried speed dating many times, even as recent as during the summer, but had no luck. The last event I did was particularly badly organised, didn't bother keeping track of the time and some girls looked completely bored before I even sat down, despite me being cool, calm and not reeling off question after question like most punters do, I tried unique things such as playing games to learn more about them.

 

So a long story but truncated as much as I could, and no doubt you will have questions and no doubt I might have missed something, oh wait I already did! Well, have a nice day!

Edited December 15, 2019 by ForkHandles
Missing paragraph

[Envy123]

Approaching women has never worked for me. It has always been the case that I get to know the woman as a friend initially and then we both see if we want something more.

 

The women who are attracted to me - they seem to be fed up of guys trying to get into their pants and when I don't and instead treat them with confidence and non-neediness, that makes them comfortable and fall for me.

[Foxhall]

Id take a longer term view of it,

 

 if there are regular ladies attending these salsa nights, they are noticing the guys from week to week and are sussing out any newcomers, but are not been overly friendly to begin with.

 

Id take the view build yourself up as one of the gang,your there to learn a new activity ,

enjoy it in a friendship sense as the previous poster says and you never know you might just click with one of these ladies in a few months.