Not coping well with turning 30..

[pinkpaw]

I never thought I'd be someone who cares about age. I guess maybe a lot of us feel that when we are younger, and it seems like there are infinite days ahead of us..

I noticed my anxiety around ageing as a woman started when I was 27. Suddenly my age was being rounded up t0 30. The questions and jokes started. About marriage, kids, getting older. My housemate smirked at me one day when my relationship with a younger guy deteriorated and said ' traded you in for a younger model, has he?' Up until that point, I never even considered my age as problematic.

 

And then when a guy I was seeing (aged 25) got drunk one day and asked me to remind him of my age (despite knowing full well i was 3 years older since the first day we met when he lied about his age as he was worried an 'older woman' wouldn't be interested) he replied with a 'WHOA uffff' and laughed. Maybe I'm being too sensitive but it really upset me. I felt humiliated and shamed. As if I was expected to put a halt on my own age and make sure I am a presentable female with acceptable qualities at all time, immune to life's conditions of ageing and not staying forever young. It felt like a huge pressure and quite honestly, made me feel like I'm old, haggered and some kind of has-been. I'm no longer with him but I didn't think back then 3 years was a big deal. Now I do. Now I am so self-conscious of everything to do with age. I am now 30 and feel like...like I don't know what society expects of me. My usual cheery, jokey, upbeat personality seems like it could be at risk of being labelled 'immature'. Its like only being stressed, overworked and talking about responsibilities will allow an acceptance of your character beyond 30. 

I've had so many shocked reactions ('I CANT BELIEVE you're 30'). I don't even like it when they say 'wow, you don't look 30 at all' as if....being 30 equates with looking a certain negative way.

By myself, i like being 30. I like the freedom and 'don't care as much' attitude about the smaller things. How much more I know about myself. But then...as soon as i step out the door, i feel like the world is ready to judge. I am not married or have kids and my mindset is more that I want to make sure I am mentally and emotionally stable before I am responsible for a child. But the world seems to think otherwise. (and YES I KNOW about the ticking clock of a woman's biology). I will not rush into a relationship or pregnancy for the wrong reasons and the child ultimately suffering just to satisfy my insecurities of being alone and childless at an unacceptable age, it seems selfish. 

I just never anticipated this level of anxiety, insecurity and fear of my own age....

Has anybody experienced this before and can offer some words of wisdom/advice? Does this get easier? I sure hope so....

[Piddy]

I'm an old guy (64) so take it for what it's worth.  Don't worry about your age.  I always looked at each year getting older as a badge of honor.  Life is short and worrying about getting older is an exercise in futility.  Just enjoy your life.  And just remember life is like a roll of toilet paper.  At first it goes slow, but the closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.  You haven't even reached the middle of the roll yet.  😎  

Edited December 16, 2019 by Piddy

[MetallicHue]

Hey I’m really sorry about your past experiences. I think the reaction of your former boyfriend was insensitive as well as your housemate. I think you should stay cheery, jokey and upbeat. Absolutely nothing wrong with that! I really don’t think everyone is out to judge you. There’s nothing wrong with you. A friend of mine, she got recently married at 33 and another friend of mine he got married at 43. Look don’t sweat it you’ve got the rest of your life ahead of you. I think the more you worry the tougher it will be for you. Try to not think about it and go with the flow. You sound like a really sweet person and I’m sure you’ll find the right guy at the right time for you.

[Pleasant-Sage]

I'm turning 34 in a few months. Every now and then, I'll look at someone and think "Hmm, they are in their 30s..." then it will dawn on me that they are around my age and I'll laugh at myself. I guess it's because I don't feel like I'm 33 going on 34.

 

My advice is stop worrying about your age or what people think. I'm in my 30s and I watch anime and occasionally play video games. Both of those hobbies are not exactly typical for someone my age. I do stuff like fixing vehicles and house maintenance that normal people my age typically do though so it evens out I guess.

 

When shopping at the mall, I still browse Hot Topic but haven't bought anything from there in almost a decade though. LOL. That store really lets me know my age because nothing in there is appealing to me anymore even though it did when I was much much younger.

 

What do you enjoy about your life?

[pinkpaw]

On 12/17/2019 at 12:57 AM, Pleasant-Sage said:

I'm turning 34 in a few months. Every now and then, I'll look at someone and think "Hmm, they are in their 30s..." then it will dawn on me that they are around my age and I'll laugh at myself. I guess it's because I don't feel like I'm 33 going on 34.

 

My advice is stop worrying about your age or what people think. I'm in my 30s and I watch anime and occasionally play video games. Both of those hobbies are not exactly typical for someone my age. I do stuff like fixing vehicles and house maintenance that normal people my age typically do though so it evens out I guess.

 

When shopping at the mall, I still browse Hot Topic but haven't bought anything from there in almost a decade though. LOL. That store really lets me know my age because nothing in there is appealing to me anymore even though it did when I was much much younger.

 

What do you enjoy about your life?

Well, I have friends from 11+ years ago who even though we have drifted in and out of each other's lives, they're still always there and like to plan holiday trips etc together. I feel grateful I have them.

I like my job, and I get paid decently compared to the endless struggle we experienced growing up, so that's nice. That gives me freedom to do more of what I like and even buy. Its still novel to me that I can buy things I want and not just need. 

I enjoy little things like going for walks, getting creative at home with art and cooking. 

I just feel so lost. My old ideas about life were in the context of a very dysfunctional family and now I've broken away from all that and fully independent, it feels like I'm learning everything from scratch...what healthy everything actually looks like. It makes me feel even less like 30 - as though 30 is supposed to be sexy, confident, independent! In some ways I feel like a total child. 

 

[pinkpaw]

On 12/16/2019 at 2:06 AM, MetallicHue said:

Hey I’m really sorry about your past experiences. I think the reaction of your former boyfriend was insensitive as well as your housemate. I think you should stay cheery, jokey and upbeat. Absolutely nothing wrong with that! I really don’t think everyone is out to judge you. There’s nothing wrong with you. A friend of mine, she got recently married at 33 and another friend of mine he got married at 43. Look don’t sweat it you’ve got the rest of your life ahead of you. I think the more you worry the tougher it will be for you. Try to not think about it and go with the flow. You sound like a really sweet person and I’m sure you’ll find the right guy at the right time for you.

Thank you, this is very sweet :) 

[d0nnivain]

The decade changing birthdays hit me hard . . . 30 was the worst because suddenly even your age proclaims you to be an adult even if you don't feel like it & you don't feel like you accomplished everything you thought you should.  I had wanted to buy a house by 30 but that didn't happen until I was 33.  

 

After that I decided to embrace the change & do something BIG to usher in the new decade.  For my 40th some of my BFFs & I decided to throw each other big birthday bashes.  Except for 1 woman we were all single so this was a fun way to make sure everybody got a blow out.  All the parties were a little different but being surrounded by friends & family eased the pain.  

 

For my 50th I set a goal.  DH was taking me to Hawaii so I spent 2 years before dieting & actively working out.  I actually rocked a bikini on Waikiki beach on my 50th birthday.  I wasn't thrilled about the # but the accomplishment eased the pain.  

[2BGoodAgain]

On 12/15/2019 at 5:39 PM, pinkpaw said:

I never thought I'd be someone who cares about age. I guess maybe a lot of us feel that when we are younger, and it seems like there are infinite days ahead of us..

I noticed my anxiety around ageing as a woman started when I was 27. Suddenly my age was being rounded up t0 30. The questions and jokes started. About marriage, kids, getting older. My housemate smirked at me one day when my relationship with a younger guy deteriorated and said ' traded you in for a younger model, has he?' Up until that point, I never even considered my age as problematic.

 

And then when a guy I was seeing (aged 25) got drunk one day and asked me to remind him of my age (despite knowing full well i was 3 years older since the first day we met when he lied about his age as he was worried an 'older woman' wouldn't be interested) he replied with a 'WHOA uffff' and laughed. Maybe I'm being too sensitive but it really upset me. I felt humiliated and shamed. As if I was expected to put a halt on my own age and make sure I am a presentable female with acceptable qualities at all time, immune to life's conditions of ageing and not staying forever young. It felt like a huge pressure and quite honestly, made me feel like I'm old, haggered and some kind of has-been. I'm no longer with him but I didn't think back then 3 years was a big deal. Now I do. Now I am so self-conscious of everything to do with age. I am now 30 and feel like...like I don't know what society expects of me. My usual cheery, jokey, upbeat personality seems like it could be at risk of being labelled 'immature'. Its like only being stressed, overworked and talking about responsibilities will allow an acceptance of your character beyond 30. 

I've had so many shocked reactions ('I CANT BELIEVE you're 30'). I don't even like it when they say 'wow, you don't look 30 at all' as if....being 30 equates with looking a certain negative way.

By myself, i like being 30. I like the freedom and 'don't care as much' attitude about the smaller things. How much more I know about myself. But then...as soon as i step out the door, i feel like the world is ready to judge. I am not married or have kids and my mindset is more that I want to make sure I am mentally and emotionally stable before I am responsible for a child. But the world seems to think otherwise. (and YES I KNOW about the ticking clock of a woman's biology). I will not rush into a relationship or pregnancy for the wrong reasons and the child ultimately suffering just to satisfy my insecurities of being alone and childless at an unacceptable age, it seems selfish. 

I just never anticipated this level of anxiety, insecurity and fear of my own age....

Has anybody experienced this before and can offer some words of wisdom/advice? Does this get easier? I sure hope so....

 

it's funny.....

 

when I turned 30, I thought I was mid life... and then i had some other folks laugh at me.. b/c they thought i was so cute and young....

 

i now understand what they meant... you're cute.. and young...

 

for me, a woman turning 30 is just about the time she starts to get interesting... i know, i know.. it's a generalization, i'm sure there are exceptions... and 40 is when she roars into life... 

 

so don't fret... 20 somethings never understand anything and say a lot of sh** that most of the time isn't worth remembering... 

 

you're JUST about to live... listen to those who's actually lived a little rather than those who haven't really lived at all, though think they have... and soar...

[pinkpaw]

20 hours ago, 2BGoodAgain said:

 

it's funny.....

 

when I turned 30, I thought I was mid life... and then i had some other folks laugh at me.. b/c they thought i was so cute and young....

 

i now understand what they meant... you're cute.. and young...

 

for me, a woman turning 30 is just about the time she starts to get interesting... i know, i know.. it's a generalization, i'm sure there are exceptions... and 40 is when she roars into life... 

 

so don't fret... 20 somethings never understand anything and say a lot of sh** that most of the time isn't worth remembering... 

 

you're JUST about to live... listen to those who's actually lived a little rather than those who haven't really lived at all, though think they have... and soar...

This had made me smile immeasurably. Thank you for this 😊

[thecrucible]

I just turned 30 too! I know how you feel. It's not even the age for me, it's those unrealised goals. I now have the job I want in a competitive industry but I just had a relationship fail and I hoped I'd by this point I would have been married with a child on the way :(. But that's life I guess. We don't always get what we want. I completely relate to your feelings of angst at this time. 

 

At least according to these posters, we're not as old as we think

[Mr. Lucky]

On 12/18/2019 at 6:36 AM, d0nnivain said:

The decade changing birthdays hit me hard

I remember when people would ask my dad how he felt about turning 50, 60, 70, etc., he'd smile and say "sure beats the alternative" ...

OP, age is just a number, just like the income line on your W-2 or the total of your social media followers.  None of those numbers define you unless you allow them to...

Mr. Lucky