Reflexion about distancing yourself - double standard?

[Legatus]

Yes yes, my ghost came back to life and we've been seeing each other for few weeks. Unfortunately one day before she came I decided to put my notice at work as I accepted (provisionally) a job offer in Spain (I'm in the UK). The day after we met for the first time after a week of no contact initiated by me. I didn't tell her about my decision for another two weeks as I couldn't find the right time. Also I wanted to see if there would be a reason to stay or perhaps come back and since she expressed she didn't really want anything romantic, I didn't presume she would even bother whether I'm on the same planet or not. 

 

I told her one Sunday and after our salsa class she asked me to go and play some pool. I didn't initiate anything as I wanted to give her a chance to walk away if she would want to. We played some pool, talked, even though she was teasing me all afternoon ("Who am I going to dance with now since you're leaving me forever") she was very touchy and at some point she said it's probably better I'm leaving to go after my dream because she's "an emotional f***whit". 

 

Following Tuesday we had an event. I asked her if she still wanted to go and she said yes. We had great time, I spent the night and on Wednesday she gave me a lift to the hospital for my spine procedure. Up to that point everything was great. I was at home for the rest of the week lying down on the couch after my lower back procedure and she got ill with the cold. I was sick of spending time on the couch by myself so asked her if she wanted some company and we can be sick together. On Friday noon she said if I wanted to come over. I did. We watched movies, I cooked, we talked a bit, and generally relaxed on the couch. She was a bit distant but after a quick deliberation I knew that, after all, she was ill, I am even less affectionate when I'm ill, so no problem there. 

 

On Saturday we were going to go out for Salsa event. I decided to go but was going to be very conscious about my back. She felt better so we did some work, watched another movie etc. Her distance was still there and it started getting to me. 2h before leaving for the party I was on the couch by myself and fell asleep while she started getting ready. When I woke up I was different. Somehow I realised this distance wasn't just caused by illness and also this thought appeared in my head that I am just an accessory to her life. Of course that caused my distance. 

 

That's when I get confused. She asked me what's wrong and yes, probably I should have said something but my back was also killing me so I said everything is okay (not great but okay). She didn't like that I wasn't talking to her (if I don't say anything she doesn't say much) and started getting a bit aggressive in her "Are you okay?", "Are you gonna talk to me or should I take out a book?" (when we were in the tube). At the event I was way too lost in thought to enjoy dancing. She came up to me and said "I'm done trying to make you happy" and went dancing. Didn't really know what she meant by that because she didn't do anything, she was trying to make herself happy. 

 

The rest of the night was okay, after few drinks I danced and had as much fun as I could. When I danced with her I knew it wasn't the same and despite me being smiley and actually having a good time she still had frustration all over her face.

 

When we were in the cab I asked if she was still angry with me. She didn't like my timing and of course went into a whole "I don't want to talk about it" response. At home we continued a bit and things started pouring. She said we didn't discuss whether I could stay the second night - I admitted that she was totally right with that. That I have a terrible choice in picking time for these conversation - yeah perhaps, but I don't like going to sleep in anger. And that I'm leaving, so it was obvious that she would get distant etc. 

 

Now the distance isn't a problem (I was prepared for that) but please tell me if I'm totally out of my **** here. Tuesday/Wednesday - everything is peachy --> Friday - she's distant. Of course she made a decision after Wednesday that she can't let herself get too much into it or something. She never told me. Had I known her decision I wouldn't have even bothered coming to her place on Friday and began the distancing myself, all in good atmosphere. 

 

She got distant and then as a result I got distant. Somehow she reacted like I'm being unreasonable even though I told her I am not getting angry with her for getting distant but why is she getting angry with me? 

 

I tried to explain it to her but it was 3 am so even I couldn't make too much sense. I woke up in the morning, hugged her goodbye, and left. 

 

I totally knew the not telling her straight away about me leaving will bite me in the ass but even if, after having told her, she would cut all contact etc. that would be totally understandable. I can even understand changing her mind. The part I have a problem with is getting my head wrapped around why her distancing was all right but when I stopped talking for few minutes and it's blown out of proportion into a huge argument. 

 

What do you guys think? Was she trying to find a flaw here, something to make it into an argument because she couldn't tell me like a human being that she maybe likes me but doesn't want to see me?

 

I admit my choice of timing wasn't perfect I don't regret it. I would have never known these things had I not asked and triggered her emotional response, even if it was very angry response indeed. 

 

Yesterday I was kind of waiting for the anxiety to kick it but it never did. I guess subconsciously I know we weren't a good fit and I'm fine with that, however it's always good to learn and hopefully your eyes will help me do that...