Why are some girls cold as ice

[Lovesick21111]

Why are some girls cold as ice? Not friendly, happy, nice, no apparent ability to talk or banter, one word texts, just apparently broken. I end up imagining stories about what happened to them to make them this way. 

[preraph]

It's very likely they warm up if they really want or like someone, to be honest.  

[Mrin]

Or maybe they're just not interested in you and don't want to give you any reason to think otherwise. It happens to the best of us. 

[mark clemson]

Indeed. Many possible reasons including the one's mentioned above. Some other include: mental illness, low emotional level generally, temporary mild depression, transitory chemical imbalance, problems in their life that they are processing/focused on, etc. 

 

Your brain has "happy chemicals" (dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, endogenous opiates) and it's possible for your brain to produce less of those temporarily (or long term) for a variety of reasons.

[K.K.]

They could be shy and have resting bitch face. 

[Foxhall]

I suppose they have a slight wariness of guys who are not naturally able ro put them at ease, they put up the frostiness as a defence mechanism,

 

its hard to put a generalisation on this type of scenario, curiously it may well be the well educated good looking demographic who may be more hostile than any other demographic which lends itself to a question is a modern society going in the right direction,

On the one hand it is important for a girl to avoid weirdos at all costs,

 

But genuine shy bashful guys end up too as the people “whom nobody ever notices” and that is unfair also,

 

On balance buddy Id say, if you are getting ignored by women, you simply have to learn to not get bitter and up your game,

 

 

 

[The Outlaw]

It could be any number of reasons. But some may just be as cold as ice simply because they want to be left alone. 

[basil67]

The reason depends on the context.

[RecentChange]

Yep, context is important. 

 

Are you talking about someone who is cold to their family, coworkers / students etc - and have no friends because they are "ice cold"....

 

Or

 

Woman who acts very cold when a guy tries to start a conversation with them?

 

They can be two different things. I am a jovial extrovert - but if I have a feeling be that a guy I have absolutely no interest in is trying to start a conversation - hoping it leads to something. Well then

 

I am cold as ice - but it's not because something is wrong with me. It's an effective technique with pushy guys.

[preraph]

I think every young woman has to learn how to freeze a guy out or her time would be wasted every time she goes out in public by guys she considers undesirable and who she considers are only getting in the way of her talking to the guys she wants to. 

 

Freeze-out and avoidance. 

[salparadise]

6 hours ago, preraph said:

I think every young woman has to learn how to freeze a guy out...

 

I've often wondered if they take a class, or if there's a book they read, to learn how to feign demure... eyes straight ahead, not acknowledging the presence of another person, not reacting if spoken to, etc. I've always thought it was extremely pretentious to assume that every guy they pass is undesirable and trying to get into their pants. 

[FMW]

4 hours ago, salparadise said:

I've often wondered if they take a class

 

It's a natural reaction to years of unwanted leering and inappropriate comments - and sometimes physical contact - from men who are strangers.  After a while, and especially if you're not in an especially friendly mood in the first place, you just want to be left alone and it's a defense mechanism.   

 

I can totally see how it seems arrogant and unnecessary to men who aren't trying to bother anyone.  Unfortunately, the bad actors ruin it for everyone.  

 

 

[Tamfana]

If you're talking about women you don't know, strangers, don't expect or desire interaction, even a smile or "hello."  Try engaging male strangers and I bet you have the same results.  Few people are comfortable interacting with strangers.

[mark clemson]

OP,  you could try making yourself as attractive as possible and then simply acting extremely confident/casual and only mildly "interested". Wait for some initial interest shown towards you (such as at least smiling or a few glances)  before engaging/trying to make conversation. Be nice but appear to have a mindset of "you're nice, but of course I have many options". Be "casually dominant", socially competent, fun, and not at all "needy".

 

Remember (as pointed out numerous times above) that many if not most women have had to fend off unwanted male advances. This can be traumatic and distressing depending on how exactly it played out (such as immature male reactions to rejection). They have "shields up" for good reason in their view.

 

Women don't normally want a guy who "any woman could have" pestering them for attention when they haven't shown interest. They want a guy "who could have any woman he wants" choosing them (over other women) preferably in a socially appropriate manner. That is validating for them. It's easier said than done, I realize, but it happens all the time.

[stillafool]

The behavior you are describing is consistent with women who are not interested and trying to show it.

[preraph]

7 hours ago, salparadise said:

 

I've always thought it was extremely pretentious to assume that every guy they pass is undesirable and trying to get into their pants. 

That certainly would be. They freeze the ones out who are circling them or giving them unwanted attention. It's not at all hard to see the difference.I think it's a lot nicer to do that than to let it guy come up and do his whole spiel and then verbally reject him or tell him to go away. 

[elaine567]

5 hours ago, salparadise said:

I've always thought it was extremely pretentious to assume that every guy they pass is undesirable and trying to get into their pants. 

It would be if they did assume "every guy", but usually the freezing coldness is only reserved for some guys, the guys they are not interested in, or they are already attached and see no point in engaging with any strange guys.
Women can also be intimidated by random guy attention, she may not want to let her guard down and appear too friendly.

[thefooloftheyear]

Its an effective survival technique for women...

 

Part of the problem is most guys think that if a woman even so much as doesn't completely ignore them or offers the most basic of courtesy/greeting, that they want his dick and find them completely irresistible,...Its really pretty crazy. and I don't blame them for one minute...Id do the same thing if I were a woman..

TFY

Edited December 17, 2019 by thefooloftheyear

[preraph]

I guarantee it's been going on since caveman days and isn't going away anytime soon. 

[preraph]

This kind of leads into the "approachable" discussion, and granted, the signs can be subtle, especially to a room full of drunks at a bar.  A gregarious man or woman may be smiling and approachable in general to everyone if he/she's an outgoing sort.  But if you see that and haven't paid attention to whether it's really directed at you or if she's been doing that with everyone, that's you not being observant . Of course, if you approach and a man or woman shuts down and looks away or uncomfortable, walk away.   

[thefooloftheyear]

 

I am a guy that never does anything to remotely make a woman uncomfortable...Almost to a fault....Even when at the gym, if I was there first, if a woman comes into the area where I am training I move somewhere else..Ive watched guys chat up women at the store and such,, no eye contact, one word answers, yet they keep going...I guess they feel like they need to keep trying, I dunno…makes no sense...

Its also a lot about geography...

 

Around here, women are hard as granite and you don't really find too many that are amiable to small talk of any kind...That being said, ive been to places like Texas and other southern locales,  where the women are all pretty chatty and have no issue making small talk with guys...They often actually will initiate, which almost never happens here...

Id say if you are the type that likes to do this type of stuff, keep far away from the NYC metropolitan area 😄

 

TFY

 

[basil67]

I will argue that more than one man who's confused by women doing this has employed the exact same technique to avoid having to speak to people who are begging or raising money for a charity.

[preraph]

Yeah, they just think they can wear her down.  Watching the wrong movies.  Well, I guess there probably are some who may be too intimidated to say no, so maybe they have enough success to encourage them, but it's a horrible thing to do and shows bad character.  

 

FooloftheYear, We've all heard that about NY.  I think there's just TOO many people and people need space just that bad!  

When I was dating in Dallas, it was the guys who were aloof and unfriendly in a lot of crowds.  Had to meet them organically to get past it.  

[snowboy91]

I agree, it's a tactic to avoid showing any form of interest toward the guy. Which can be for whatever reason (not interested in you, not interested today, is taken, etc.)

I actually used that tactic myself in the past to push away people I'm not interested in. These days I just try to strongly push a "friend zone" vibe. It's worked so far.

[JoeyArnold]

It's Not You, It's Me

In Seinfeld, George said "it's not you, it's me." Well, actually, it's both. Like long story short, it is rather complex.

 

Opportunity

But all you can do is to wait for the right opportunity. Of course, it depends on the other person.

 

Magnesium

If a woman is lacking enough magnesium, she might have a headache for example. So, some of it can biological, that is health related. It can be psychological for the woman. It could be any number of factors on her side.

 

You're Not Omniscient

But if she is a stranger, you may not know everything about her.

 

Beyond Your Control

Some of that might be beyond your control. So, focus on the variables you can control and less so on the things you can't. That's fundamental.

 

Slow Down, Baby Haha

Focus and be patient. Accept failure and make some mistakes. Live and learn or live with regret.

 

Work Hard & Play harder

The choice is up to you. You are not always going to win. Things cannot always happen like you want it to happen from within your own head. Now, keep in mind that not all people are the same. In other words, some people can be as cold as ice.

 

Nature & Nurture

There is the nature and nurture debate in psychology. Obviously, both play roles in the development of humans.

 

Freewill

Ultimately, it is up to the individual. So, people can choose to be cold. But sometimes, they are cold and yet not trying to be cold. They sometimes don't know that they're cold. If they're coming across as cold, it might be not directed at you.

 

Star Wars Probe Droid

So, you can probe the person maybe. You can ask a few questions maybe. Now, long story short, keep in mind, that in some cases, or in some ways, or in some places, or with some people, the world, or their world, is like not the same as what it was in the past or it may be different than your world in uncountable ways. For the most part, it depends on what kind of women we are talking about. You can only do so much.

 

Tale of Two Cities

But be confident. But don't be too confident. And the other people in this thread have awesome advice as well. So, consider all of this. Accept failure. Experiment. Give it a try. Mentally tell yourself that you will just say this or say that. Have a plan and try to do it. Have an open mind and play the game if you want.

 

Risky

Talking to new people is risky. Don't lie to yourself to say that they will not ever be cold to you or who knows what. You don't know what is going to happen. That is the beauty of it. And it can take a while for a person to get to know you. So, they can be cold until they warm up to you haha.