Honest_man89 Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 My wife and I have been together 5 years and recently married about 4 months and we just recently separated for about 2 weeks then decided to try and work things out but after 9 days of everything going good she tells me that I pushed her so far away that she doesn't have anymore feelings for me and that she caught feelings for another guy that i told her to quit talking too but she continued to do so what should i do bc i wanna make this marriage to work Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 She's full of it. You mean in 4 months you pushed her so hard that she just fell in this other guy's arms? How convenient for her. She was probably seeing him before you got married. I see she also didn't take you advice to quit talking to this guy to protect your marriage. Does she now want a divorce? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Piddy Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 (edited) If she's willing go to counseling. If she's cheating on you then it's up to you whether you want to give her a second chance if she decides to do that. In the end you can't force someone to stay with you. Sounds like she's lost feelings for you and wants to move on. Tough spot to be in and my condolences. I have a zero tolerance policy for cheating, but that's just me. I'm the type of person that could never live a life of worry and that's what you get if your partner cheats on you and you take them back. Without trust you don't have a relationship. But there's just as many cases where couples survive cheating and make it work. In the end the ball is in her court. Unfortunately, it's up to her and what she wants. It could just be a fling and down the road she realizes she made a terrible mistake and may want to come back. That could take months or years though. In my case she wanted back with me after two years, but I had moved on. Right now she's on a high with her new love interest, but that won't last forever. Eventually the brain chemicals with die down and reality will set in. My guess is her new relationship will fail and she'll realize the grass wasn't any greener and will want what she had with you. But take that for what it's worth. My crystal ball may be inaccurate. Edited December 17, 2019 by Piddy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Honest_man89 Posted December 17, 2019 Author Share Posted December 17, 2019 She just told me this lastnight were still married not separated either and no she hasnt said anything about divorce Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 If she has feelings for someone else, then she needs to own it and not blame you. You can't "push" someone into falling for someone else. You are both responsible for your relationship and it seems you have issues there. If your relationship is too challenged and/or weak, you can be vulnerable to just letting it go and moving on to someone else. But her choice to be with someone else is exactly that, choice. You want to work on the marriage, so ask her if she will work on that with you, maybe with counseling. But she has to let the other guy go completely - you can't work on the marriage by yourself, and if either of you is involved with anyone else it's not going to work. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 (edited) ^^^^ Agree. Not an easy situation. If her feelings for him threaten your marriage then that is (arguably) an EA. Since you know who he is, consider being more insistent that they not talk and also (calmly) discussing it with him. If he's a decent guy he may respect that he's screwing up your lives and back off. If he's married or has a GF you could also consider discussing this with her as it will probably not make her happy either. You could point out that giving up what the two of you have for this guy is a mistake. It sounds like she knows that at some level. Edited December 17, 2019 by mark clemson typo Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 YOU need to file for divorce ASAP! This accomplished two things: 1) it may shock her into figuring out that she wants the marriage (if you still want her, of course) and provide an opening to start counselling together, and 2) it starts the process to end the marriage if she decides she's out. Win-win! Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 You've been married four months? Get an annulment. This isn't something you can recover from. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Honest_man89 Posted December 17, 2019 Author Share Posted December 17, 2019 I'm so brokenhearted I feel like someone is stabbing my chest with a knife but I know I gotta be strong in this kinda situation Link to post Share on other sites
Author Honest_man89 Posted December 17, 2019 Author Share Posted December 17, 2019 I dont understand why we havent even talked about separation or divorce unless shes still confused Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 I agree that all you can do is ask her if she is willing to work on the marriage with a counselor. If not I think you're better off apart. Doesn't sound like she's good at marriage. Sorry you're hurting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Honest_man89 Posted December 17, 2019 Author Share Posted December 17, 2019 I'm her first love as well and thank you I just wish I could fix everything ya know Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 I would bet this other guy and her being involved with him is the reason your marriage got bad, and not your marriage was bad so it pushed her to another man. I don't really like posting on betrayed husband threads because men normally dont want to take the steps to "fix" the situation for themselves. What you need to do is detach, start planning and living your life like she will not be a part of it. You can control what she does, you will never understand why she is doing what she's doing. All you can do is remove yourself, if she values you and the marriage she will recognize you moving away and she will right the ship. If not you're on your way to getting out of infidelity. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 9 hours ago, Honest_man89 said: She just told me this lastnight were still married not separated either and no she hasnt said anything about divorce So what is her plan? To stay there with you and date the other guy? If so you need to put her out and tell her parents why. Don't start bargaining with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 OMG!!! I would be so angry if it all started before the wedding and you had a big "White Wedding"... Ask some of her friends, Ok, it really does not matter when it started. The only thing that counts here is she likes the other guy!!! Get that into your head!!! You can not make her like you. You can not save your marriage by yourself. A marriage is a partnership with 2 people, not one or 3.... (unless you are MM than anything is possible) You pushed her away, no feelings for you (love is gone) She likes the other guy, feelings are here (this is your wife's love) "Ditch the Bitch" She does not want you and has led you down the garden path in a wedding and deception. How much money spent on the wedding when she knew she was not into you any more. She did not fall out of love in the last 4 months. What happens is she gets preggo? Will it be yours? Way too many Red Fags, get away from her as fast and as far as you can!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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