I'm too old for breakup. I hate this feeling!

[wtm78]

I told myself many years back that I would not want to go through another break up. I am too old for this shxt. Feeling all vulnerable and opened. I don't enjoy this feeling. 

 

Maybe I should have just be a Grinch and stayed away from people. Then I would not need to be subjected to a failed relationship.

 

Now that I'm going through a separation and most possibly a divorce. I feel a sense of shame and hurt. I gave my best to someone, but it was not returned. My heart is broken and now I feel weak. Only weak people is melancholy and whinnily talking about their emotions. - well that was what I was told all the time. 

 

I thought I met someone special. Someone who said she wants to fill my heart with love and warmth me with her love. Yet my heart was more cold and disappointed than ever. How can someone who claims she loved me, but not able to let go of her defensiveness and listened? How can someone who claims to love yet opposed everything else I say or do? 

 

I'm stuck in the cycle of the 5 stages of grief. I hate this feeling. I told myself I need to be very mindful not to be in this state again. But here I am.. I guess I'm in the anger stage.. I am so angry...