JessicaJones Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 Not really coping very well. We broke up in August and I still think of him often. Coming up to Christmas is so hard without him. I sent him a message and we met up briefly for 5 mins for coffee outside his work. I was hoping this would be closure but it wasn’t. He texted after I left to say thank you. To which I said I hadn’t got the closure I was looking for, that I wasn’t over him and didn’t think he was either. He hasn’t responded. What is everyone’s opinion, does no reply mean he is over me? Or he isn’t. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 No reply means that whether he is "over " you or not, he doesn't want to deal with it. Often we still have feelings for people when relationships end, but for whatever reason we don't want to pursue things further. Why did you break up? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JessicaJones Posted December 17, 2019 Author Share Posted December 17, 2019 Long story, but this is it... Have since left my Husband. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 Stop looking to him to give you closure, he can't do it. Any questions you ask him will just create more questions in your mind creating a vicious circle. You have to find your own closure. It seems that he already has found closure and is moving on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JessicaJones Posted December 17, 2019 Author Share Posted December 17, 2019 We promised each other the world, and its that I can't move on from. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 Yes now I remember your other thread. Like a lot of divorced people, myself included, the last thing you want after a divorce is to get tied down again with someone else. He probably thought he did at first but after being free again he decided against it. If he were truly in love with you he would be more than willing to take your child too. I think he used her as an excuse not to live with you. At any rate, I hope you are in the divorce process with your husband as he deserves to be with a woman who loves him and isn't in love with another man. If you were going to divorce your husband for this OM then now divorce him out of compassion. You don't love him and no one needs to be married to that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 9 minutes ago, JessicaJones said: We promised each other the world, and its that I can't move on from. But what other choice do you have at this point? He's gone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JessicaJones Posted December 17, 2019 Author Share Posted December 17, 2019 What other choice? That is a good point. Just so so sad. Am defo too old to be feeling like this. All reason and sense has just gone out of the window. Seeing him today has just brought it all flooding back. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 (edited) If you divorced, you have the option to get your life straight and your head clear and find someone else. If you are married you have the option to try to repair it, or if that's not possible, leave to pursue a happier life. You can have a good life again. Neither your (x?)H or former AP are required. It may not be the life with the specific person you had planned or hoped, but that doesn't mean it can't be a great, happy life with someone healthy for you. For possible future reference: there are men who can't deal with "raising another man's kid"; there are also men who really enjoying being dads. If you become a single mom dating it behooves you to find out relatively quickly what you're dealing with and respond appropriately. Edited December 17, 2019 by mark clemson delete some text Link to post Share on other sites
Author JessicaJones Posted December 17, 2019 Author Share Posted December 17, 2019 Thank you Mark, I appreciate your words and thoughts. I know I am not the first or the last to go through this, but it is so hard to think ahead and know I will be happy again. At the moment i just seem to be stuck in this vicious loop of thinking I can get him back. Which part of me knows is so flipping mad, but can I get a grip nope! My current living situ is still very difficult as my Husband still lives with me. We are still arguing and fighting, am currently getting financial advice to buy him out of his equity. So my head is far from straight. I know it's not a nice thing to say but I want Christmas to be over! Hardest Christmas Ever. Thanks for everyone's support. Link to post Share on other sites
nolanola Posted December 21, 2019 Share Posted December 21, 2019 I saw something recently that struck a chord in me about closure. When someone decides that they don't want to be with you, for whatever reason...that is your closure. Because the details don't matter. They have decided that they can't be with you and that is all you need to know. From that point on, their life is their problem and you need to put the focus on you. Closure is a myth - nothing this man can say to you right now will make it ok or change how you feel. There is no reason that is "good enough". I'm so sorry it's so hard. I understand so much, I'm still healing from my own heartbreak. As you know, it will get better, but it totally sucks in the time that it takes to get there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Berteau Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 (edited) No reply means he’s not interested in thinking about it or dealing with it. He doesn’t want to entertain the conversation because the “not over you” convo leads to the getting back together convo, which he doesn’t want. Edited December 24, 2019 by Berteau 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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