Jmartin30 Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 I was in a relationship with a married woman for almost 1 year. I am married however working on divorce, currently seperated. She is also married and at one point seperated but came back together. She recently shared with me that she can no longer see me as it is against her values. This is a woman with whom I have traveled with, spent countless days and evenings with and spoke to multiple times throughout the day. She literally told me she was going to make the jump to leave him, then 2 days later tell me she is moving into a new home with her husband. I am deeply in love with this woman. And she Consistsntly shares she is in love with me but now is choosing to be with him and cut off ties with me romantically. She has refused to tell me any of this in person, just by text primarily. She said she is ok with texting and telephone calls but to see each other, even if just for 5 minutes in a public space, would violate her values. I am not sure what to do with this. I have sacrificed a great deal for this relationship and want it to continue, however I can't force her to be with me. She continues to say she loves me (not to me, but I know she does) and am not sure what to do, if anything. Any suggestions on how to manage? Can I get her back? Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 Do yourself a favor and read up on how often exit affairs result in lasting, healthy relationships. It happens.... But people get hit by lightning as well. I know it hurts, but bringing this to an end will be best for both of you. Do you really want to be with a woman who "loves you" but has sex with, and most likely tells another man that she loves him as well? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a woman who has picked another man over you? A woman who protects her own self interest and won't even see you face to face? My friend, this is not how HEALTHY happy relationships work - this is an affair, and they tend to be quite messy and end in disaster. Emotions in affairs are elevated - they are forbidden, which often makes people feel even more strongly. They are an escape and often live better in fantasy rather than reality. Yours is not the first nor the last where things crumble as soon as one partner tries move the relationship from a secret seductive affair to mundane reality. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 (edited) It’s interesting how she had no problem cheating WITH you for a year, but now - it’s against her values. I’m sorry, but what a crock. My friend, you made a poor choice in a relationship partner. Best to walk away now before you are even more entangled in this situation. When someone tells you that they don’t want a relationship with you, believe them - especially if they are already married... Edited December 18, 2019 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 Translation...her husband either found out or is suspicious. She will be back when her values are not so high, you know like this whole past year. Question is why would you even entertain having anything more to do with her? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 Many years ago, I was in a relationship with a married woman. It was a lot of fun and we got along GREAT!! We traveled and went on various adventures. The sex was phenomenal!! She said her marriage was dead and the husband never paid attention to her nor "touched" her. Things were going along great until one day she announced she needed to "give her marriage another try" and I was dumped. I was a bit sad, as I enjoyed so much about her, but done is done. So I moved on. I've never been married, so I just went out and found the next woman to date. About six months later, she called me and told me things were done with her husband (for good this time). I told her I had moved on and was dating someone new. I did wish her luck and happiness and hoped she'd find what she was looking for. The same will happen for you... Once your divorce is finalized, you'll find someone new and BETTER!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 I think she has shown you her true colors. She will take the path of least resistance, NOT the difficult road that ends with you. She may care for you and enjoy you but she's either losing the feelings or practical concerns (like losing her comfy known situation) are trumping whatever desire she may have to end with you. She may indeed come back but it will just be for more fun, not "for keeps". She's clearly good at deceiving her husband, so perhaps she feels she can find another "you" in time. Or perhaps she feels one affair is enough. Agree that the "values" thing is most likely an excuse and attempt to stonewall and little more. If she had decided to try to change her values she'd probably explain that. Once you get over her, if you are reasonably attractive, can keep some of your money, and are decently skilled with women, you may find the world is your oyster as a now single adult male. If those things aren't true for you, work on them. Reiterating some key points from the above, because I agree with them so wholeheartedly. 2 hours ago, RecentChange said: Yours is not the first nor the last where things crumble as soon as one partner tries move the relationship from a secret seductive affair to mundane reality. 2 hours ago, BaileyB said: but now - it’s against her values. I’m sorry, but what a crock. 2 hours ago, DKT3 said: She will be back when her values are not so high, you know like this whole past year. Question is why would you even entertain having anything more to do with her? 1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said: The same will happen for you... Once your divorce is finalized, you'll find someone new and BETTER!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JoeyArnold Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 3 hours ago, Jmartin30 said: Can I get her back? No. Probably not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ibby7 Posted December 29, 2019 Share Posted December 29, 2019 She's full of it and sounds crazy. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Harry2020 Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 This is a code word for her husband either found out or is really keeping track of her. She can not keep doing the affair with out her husband figuring it out. She does not want to leave her husband. She may not love her husband, She may love you had great time and sex. But being Mrs. X is more important. Her home, car, vacation, spending money, her staining in the community, ect. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jeff0011 Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 Sounds like a personality disorder to me. A stable person doesn’t change their mind so drastically within two days, and tell you still to text her lol. Sure. Stick around. She will contact you and you can go through this cycle again and again. Link to post Share on other sites
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