Fell in Love With an Addict

[SameOldPattern]

I’m going to be brutally honest here, and I know it’s going to sound like a nightmare right from the beginning. 

 

I met someone earlier this year and we we hung out for about a month, not dating but just seeing each other (only slept together one time). Things started dwindling and I stopped talking to him.

 

A month later, he calls me from prison. Yes, prison. I started to visit him and it was completely as friends. Right before he got out he started telling me he was falling for me etc. The backstory here is that I was getting over an ex right before I met him and I think I thought this was safe in some weird way. 

 

He gets out a few weeks ago. We have two great days together and then he becomes a full on meth addict. He starts being mean to me, ghosting me, hanging out in the worst part of town, and will not see me. 

 

I broke up with him. But then I begged him back. He reads my messages but ignores them. I know this is toxic and I know it should be easy to leave, but it’s not. I’ve had this pattern my whole life with bad guys. I know it stems from childhood and wanting to correct my past but I’m so sick and tired of still loving him.

 

i asked him to just tell me if it was over and he didn’t answer. My friends think I’m nuts and I agree but I just need support. He has a good heart underneath his addiction and I guess I keep thinking of that. 

 

The issue here here is that he will be going back to prison. People are telling me after he detoxes he’ll go back to his old self. But I can’t do this again after what happened. 

 

I also struggled with addiction issues and won’t be around him while he’s high. We come from two different worlds. 

 

This sounds like the lamest story ever and the answer is obvious but I just had to get it out to people who understand. I’m starting therapy in January to try and work through these issues. 

 

We aren’t friends on FB but still message there. I deleted his number out of my phone but he has mine. 

 

What should i do?

[Piddy]

Unfortunately love is an emotion we have no control over.  It chooses us rather than us choosing it.  Sometimes we need to go against our feelings and do what we know is the right thing.  For you this is one of those times.  You need to rely on your brain here and not not heart.

[SameOldPattern]

37 minutes ago, Piddy said:

Unfortunately love is an emotion we have no control over.  It chooses us rather than us choosing it.  Sometimes we need to go against our feelings and do what we know is the right thing.  For you this is one of those times.  You need to rely on your brain here and not not heart.

 

You’re right. I sent him this heart felt message last night and I’ve been up all night waiting for an answer that I know won’t come. It’s time to go completely NC and heal. It won’t be easy. But I have no other choice. It’s the physical feeling of pain that is hard for me. Like my heart is actually breaking. 

[2BGoodAgain]

4 hours ago, SameOldPattern said:

I’m going to be brutally honest here, and I know it’s going to sound like a nightmare right from the beginning. 

 

I met someone earlier this year and we we hung out for about a month, not dating but just seeing each other (only slept together one time). Things started dwindling and I stopped talking to him.

 

A month later, he calls me from prison. Yes, prison. I started to visit him and it was completely as friends. Right before he got out he started telling me he was falling for me etc. The backstory here is that I was getting over an ex right before I met him and I think I thought this was safe in some weird way. 

 

He gets out a few weeks ago. We have two great days together and then he becomes a full on meth addict. He starts being mean to me, ghosting me, hanging out in the worst part of town, and will not see me. 

 

I broke up with him. But then I begged him back. He reads my messages but ignores them. I know this is toxic and I know it should be easy to leave, but it’s not. I’ve had this pattern my whole life with bad guys. I know it stems from childhood and wanting to correct my past but I’m so sick and tired of still loving him.

 

i asked him to just tell me if it was over and he didn’t answer. My friends think I’m nuts and I agree but I just need support. He has a good heart underneath his addiction and I guess I keep thinking of that. 

 

The issue here here is that he will be going back to prison. People are telling me after he detoxes he’ll go back to his old self. But I can’t do this again after what happened. 

 

I also struggled with addiction issues and won’t be around him while he’s high. We come from two different worlds. 

 

This sounds like the lamest story ever and the answer is obvious but I just had to get it out to people who understand. I’m starting therapy in January to try and work through these issues. 

 

We aren’t friends on FB but still message there. I deleted his number out of my phone but he has mine. 

 

What should i do?

 

I think you're both addicts, but not necessarily only the drugs.

 

he was the rebound guy from your ex and you have problems being alone. 

 

you should definitely get rid of him and block him on EVERY social media. and stay blocked. But make sure you let him know why and wish him luck and then block his ass.

 

THEN you need to go and get help yourself. Not with drugs, b/c i don't think that's your problem at the moment, but for YOU... the inside you.. drugs, addictive relationships, etc... are the symptoms of the problem within you... that's why when you remove one addiction, you fall for another one, b/c the problem isn't the drugs,... the REAL problem is within you.

 

I'm not saying this to put you down or to tell you you're not worth it... you ARE worth healing and growing and having healthy relationships.. that's why i'm saying all this to you. You are worthy of love and all the things in life that makes it worthwhile.

 

so you are worthwhile.. but you have to choose to want that life.... and make changes within you.

 

Seek friends or better therapy to find out why you are drawn to people/things/addictions... and you'll be a happier person. It won't be easy, but if you're in more pain than you care for... it might be enough to overcome any fear you may have about why you are drawn to these things. 

 

much luck to you and i only wish you the best!

[Piddy]

12 minutes ago, SameOldPattern said:

 

You’re right. I sent him this heart felt message last night and I’ve been up all night waiting for an answer that I know won’t come. It’s time to go completely NC and heal. It won’t be easy. But I have no other choice. It’s the physical feeling of pain that is hard for me. Like my heart is actually breaking. 

 

You know you're doing the right thing.  And yes heartbreak is the worst feeling in the world.  Luckily it only happened to me once many year ago, but I remember those feelings well.  For me it felt like someone literally kicked me in the chest.

 

  I couldn't breath right, like I couldn't fully exhale.  Didn't sleep well or feel like eating.  Full of anxiety, sadness and depression.  However, two weeks later I started to feel better and time eventually did it's thing.

 

You'll make it thru this.  It's hell for awhile, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.