Still not over ex!

[notthatintome]

My ex and I broke up over a year ago and I still have feelings for him.  He was the only man that has ever captured and captivated my heart.  I have tried dating other men but they never have the same effect.  I have now given up dating altogether until I have worked through my feelings for my ex.  My black lustre feeling for new men that I meet just makes me depressed and miss my ex even more.

 

We didn’t speak for six months.  We both dated new people quite rapidly - mine was mainly a distraction.  He was really angry when he found out despite being with someone himself.

 

We didn’t speak after that.  I then found out he was dating lots of different women.  I decided to opt out and stayed completely single for the last 4 months.  
 

but it’s the last four months he has been trying to get my attention.  I tried to ignore it at first.  Then we got talking when we bumped into each other.  It was a really pleasant conversation.  I then asked if he wanted to meet for a drink.  He got weird with me.

 

A few days later I saw him again and he was really angry with me.  Said how he was angry with what I put him through, how he was angry I dated another man and that he wanted to get back together but not now.  He said that he found it easy to move on from me and that he never loved me.  I stayed calm and said that I just thought we could be friends but clearly not.  It also felt like he wasn’t taking any responsibility for the things he did wrong either. 
 

I decided to wipe him out completely but a couple of weeks later i am now finding myself thinking about him constantly and I don’t know why.  I know he is not good for me but I miss him and still love him.  
 

I bumped into him again and this time he was really nice and was asking me lots of questions.  I am confused by his hot and cold behaviour.  I don’t know why he is acting this way.  

There is part of me that just wants to get back together but there is another part that knows this is wrong.  Plus I don’t think it would be possible either.

 

whats the best way to work through this? 
 

 

[preraph]

Well, I don't know why you'd want him back.  He sounds infantile.  You never even mentioned why you broke up to begin with.  

 

Please realize that all men, whether they love you or not, are always miffed when you start dating another guy.  That's not love.  That's being immature and possessive.  They usually use that as an excuse to convince themselves the fact that you aren't sitting around crying your eyes out and craving them to come over for sex makes you a dirty woman.  Lots of guys will try to keep sleeping with you even after they break up with you and they have moved on, simply because they want to think they're that studly that you'd take them any way you can get them.  

 

His attitude is very poor.  He's just wanting validation that you still think he's hot. It's not about love.  It's about him keeping his -- we'll call it "confidence" up.  

 

Of course it won't work to get back together.  You broke up for a reason.  Nothing has changed.  And now he has a bad attitude.  You should really do yourself a favor and block him every way possible so he can't see what you're doing and you stay off his social media and don't let friends tell you what he's doing either and just get past it and find someone new.  Good luck.

[Inspire]

Hope is the last thing to go. Re-read what advice was given to you before in your other thread. There is nothing new to be said, only your desire to help yourself and to draw the line in the sand. You deserve more than that, you just need to realize that for yourself.

My advice to you is go no contact. Don't put yourself in a situation to be manipulated and to open wounds. Focus on you and moving on. Good luck to you.

[notthatintome]

Thank you for your replies. 
 

I am baffled why I feel like this myself - it’s annoying and frustrating.  I just want him and these feelings gone once and for all.  
 
I am hoping that admitting I am feeling this way is one step closer to overcoming it.  
 

I’m sad that I feel this way on someone who doesn’t deserve it.  And it makes me sad that he doesn’t love me and never did. What a waste of time, heartache and life.  
 

I need people to tell me this, it somehow makes me stronger. 

[FMW]

It takes a while to process everything.  You will go over and over everything until you either understand why things happened the way they did or you come to a point of acceptance.  Don't block your thoughts about it, but at the same time don't let them consume you 24 hours a day.  It's not a quick process.  In the meantime, just try to enjoy life and keep moving forward.  

[kendahke]

On 12/18/2019 at 12:12 PM, notthatintome said:

i am now finding myself thinking about him constantly and I don’t know why

Because you want what/who you can't have--or more to the point, you want someone who doesn't want you.  If he did, he wouldn't have left and started dating someone right out of the gate.

 

His problem is his greener grass turned out to be a radioactive toxic field and for him to admit he made a mistake and want to get back with you will make him look like the chump he is, so instead, he turns it around on you to make you own and sort his anger when the middle finger should have flown in his face when he came to you with that "I'm mad you're not waiting on me to get around to you when it's convenient for me".

 

Do yourself a favor: block him and stop dealing with him. He needs to grow up.