Should I report a co worker for aggressively pursing me?

[AngelLove]

My co worker who is very talkative suddenly came to me and told me that he is off the following day and asked me if i'm off the next day, i sad no i'm working. Then he was like when am I going to take him on date, i was like a date? And brush it off as joke. And said you must be joking Cuz i recall him asking me a while ago if i'm taken or not to which i said i have a boyfriend. But then he insists it's still not a joke.

I ignored him. Then he kept asking over and over when I'm taking him out on a date. I said Never. Then he says " stop it" The next day he was like, don't make any rush decision, think about it. I said there's nothing for me to think about. The answer will still be NO. Then he was like do you have someone? I said YES Then he was lie, " just say that then"! . I said well I thought you're joking since I had already told you that I'm not single. So I didn't take you seriously. Then later on he asked me again and I said are you deaf? I already told you I have a bf. Then he was like you're lying to me.Then he says where do you live? I want to come over at your house. I said NO, I'm not telling you and even if I was single I don't like to mix business with pleasure. Then he was like we won't pleasure ourselves here at work. Then I said NO. and he was like alright I guess it's No then. I thought that was the end of that until I saw him the following week.

The first thing he , did was to wink at me and was like "did you miss me? I buntly so NO. Then he was like don't lie to yourself you know you miss me. Why are you playing me?  I  told him that i only like him as a co worker, and he's like that's it? at some point he blocked my view and wouldn't let me pass then grabbed my cart and wouldn't let go. I told him to STOP! I'm going to report you for harassment. Then he backed off, and asked when i'm doing that. then he gave me long stern seductive look while walking away. Last time i told him i only like him as co worker nothing more. he was like that's it? Why are you being mean to me, and then he says smile, you should smile for me.

 

I never say anything to encourage or lead him on but he is being weirdly aggressive about it. And it's hard to tell if he's just joking. It was brought to my attention that there's other people who over heard him talking about his girlfriend. And the other co worker that I confided in insist that he must be joking. And when i asked him he din't outright deny it but he said he never told anyone about his private life so there's no way anyone would know if he's single or not. He's making me uncomfortable, should i report him?

[ajequals]

Yes I think you should.  he's clearly not listening to you

[preraph]

Oh, listen, he has crossed every line there.  And good for you for telling him no over and over.  Since he keeps this up, I suggest you try to record one such conversation where you tell him no and he won't stop.  Or at the very least, send your HR manager or the topmost boss you can do to a written transcript just like you wrote down here.  

 

Also, there is one thing you might try first.  Don't let him keep those conversations private.  Loudly tell him, STOP ASKING ME OUT.  I AM NOT INTERESTED AND HAVE TOLD YOU THAT MULTIPLE TIMES" and say it loud enough that the whole office can hear you.  I'm sure other women who have been treated similarly will be cheering.  Also, tell him loudly that if he doesn't stop, you're reporting him for harassment.  

 

These type guys often depend on you being too embarrassed to say anything and think you'll keep the secret.  Don't do it.  

Edited December 18, 2019 by preraph

[K.K.]

You should be very careful with how you handle this. You’ve already told him that you’d report him if he didn’t stop. Give him a few days to stop his behavior. If he doesn’t, then tell him one more time that you’ll report him. Get up in his face and say it like you mean it. Threaten him with spit flying out your mouth like you’re the spawn of Satan. If he wants to keep his job, he’ll stop. 

 

If he loses his job, he could easily turn even more whackjob and then you’re going to be looking over your shoulder every time you walk in your front door. 

 

Let it lie for a bit. Give him an opportunity to back down and lose his embarrassment. Not because he deserves it but because you’re looking out for yourself. 

 

This can go really bad really quickly. 

[d0nnivain]

Put it in writing to him that you want this to stop.  Document what you told us about the dates & times when he was pushy about things. Keep a copy. 

 

If he persists, then you can report him & give the letter time line to HR. 

[The Outlaw]

It won't cease until you do. He's done more than just cross the line and that shouldn't ever be tolerated by anyone at anytime. 

[preraph]

I would add to supplement what others said that you NEED to put it in writing, with dates or approximate ones if possible, like a log.  And why it must be in writing is because if it's not, someone is likely to just sweep it under the rug.  If you put it in writing and keep a copy and copy anyone who needs to know, they know they must take action of some sort or you can send that letter right on up over their heads if nothing is done -- or sue.

[Libby1]

I would certainly raise this with somebody senior.  You've done more than enough to let your pest of a colleague know that you're not interested.  The trouble with HR is that they will often place you in this do or die position where you either raise an official grievance leading to disciplinary proceedings against the subject of your complaint, or you drop it.   Which can be a hard position to be in, since a lot of people will balk at being the reason another person lost their job.  

 

I think I would probably raise it with my immediate manager and say "X (pestering colleague) has asked me out several times, and though I think I've given clear expressions of disinterest he's either failing or refusing to take the message. I'd like this to be resolved without any drastic repercussions for him if at all possible, but he does seem to need some sort of help in learning to interact more appropriately with female colleagues." Although I get why other people are recommending that you make something of a scene (and this is sometimes recommended as a way of dealing with gropers on public transport) I would recommend avoiding any sort of dramatic or aggressive action.  You need to keep your own behaviour above reproach in order to make sure this is dealt with fairly and effectively.

 

I think it would be better for you to present this as your colleague's problem/issue (and therefore the company's problem, since they're vicariously liable for his actions in the workplace) rather than your problem, which is why I'd recommend the "he's making a nuisance of himself, and I think he needs assistance in understanding how to engage more appropriately" approach. 

 

Apart from anything else, it's true. Any person in the workplace who has received the number and type of messages you have now given this colleague, but who still persists in trying to engage romantically with you, evidently has a pretty serious communication issue.  It might stem from a personal condition/problem that the company is already aware of/dealing with, or it might simply be that he's a jerk who will do whatever he thinks a woman will let him away with...but you won't really know until you get a higher up involved in the situation.

 

 

Edited December 19, 2019 by Libby1

[schlumpy]

If possible, see if you can arrange a witness to overhear the conversations. At a minimum you should be documenting his comments and frequency with which he accosts you. If it's legal, I would recommend buying a VAR (voice activated recorder) and putting it at your desk. Sony makes one that is very good and you can get them at BEST BUY if that is a store you are familiar with. I never know what country people live in.

 

Yes, indeed you should get on this ASAP. He has already used up any chance to correct his behavior. I sense obsession and who knows what turn it will take.

 

Make sure you are aware of your surroundings at all times and a can of mace might be a good thing to have handy.

 

Please be careful.

[lana-banana]

Yes, this guy is probably just a complete creep (which doesn't mean you should put up with it), but he could be a Richard Farley type too. You can't take that chance. Even if he is physically harmless, he's almost certainly breaking your employer's rules. 

1. Tell HR right now. If not today, tomorrow. Tell them everything you told us. They will take action; they're legally required to.
2. Document your concerns somewhere else, like an email to a friend. While telling someone is good, it helps to have things in writing in case God forbid something happens to you.
3. Maintain a sterling reputation at work. I get the sense that this guy will try to make your life hell after you report him, but that's not your problem. Just keep your head held high and focus on doing a good job as best you can.

And per the above, please check the laws about recording people in your jurisdiction. It is almost never a good idea -- most places require two-party consent, and recording people without their consent on premises you don't own can lead to very nasty and expensive court fights.

[The Outlaw]

You can always record the conversation via a microcassette recorder as proof he's harassing you. Whatever his work reputation maybe, he'll be hard pressed trying to defend himself when this is brought to light and it shouldn't be allowed to progress any further than it already has. 

[Pumaza]

Disgusting.😷

You told him enough times. Give it two days and see if he stop.

If not go to HR and tell them and ask advice from them.

And make notes and time line of everything that he is doing towards you meanwhile and give it to HR.

And change your whole body language and so on woth him.Let him see and feel the huge distance and unonterested you are.Give him short answers and be slow to answer.And handle him not emotionaly.

[vla1120]

I agree with everything that has been suggested. In addition, does your job have shift flexibility? If this escalates, you can also request not to be scheduled with him anymore (once you have said something to HR, if he continues.)

[bubbletea]

I’ve had it happen to me and reported because I felt very uncomfortable and he kept crossing the line (30 years older than me!). I was disappointed how they handled it. It was like they tried to blame it on me and all they did was separate him into another room. Then it became very awkward working there. Luckily I found another job soon after. It was small workplace.

If you work for a larger company, you can file EEO complaint or sexual harassment complaint. I’m sure the company I work for now would handle it well because it’s a huge company and those behaviors wouldn’t be tolerated. But I would continue ignoring him and distancing myself if possible.

I believe it’s illegal to record somebody without their knowledge. I wouldn’t recommend doing that.

Edited May 8, 2020 by bubbletea

[ShyViolet]

Yes this creep definitely deserves to be reported.  When you report him to anyone, do it via email, not just verbally.  So they will know that this is documented and it holds everyone accountable.

[JS84]

I know this topic is a bit old but also when things like this happen write down times, dates, and what happened so you have some type of record yourself of that type of behavior.

I also don't think it's ever a great idea to threaten to report someone for harassment. You need to just report them. Don't ever give them a heads up that you're going to HR or a supervisor or thinking about doing so. I've seen a**h***s get ahead of that and it didn't work out well for the individual when she did try to complain because he already knew what she planned on doing. And he was able to respond and protect himself accordingly.

Edited May 9, 2020 by JS84

[Fletch Lives]

That's stalking and harassment. He should be reported and then fired - or sued.