Fling

[Samarah]

I am with my guy 20 years married for 6.We used to have the best relationship and sex life till we got married then it just went downhill.I put up with it for first couple of years of marriage but this year it all changed.A young member of my family died suddenly and I decided life is too short to waste it so I told my hubby how I was feeling and feeling neglected and he promised more attention and love but he never delivers.I got thinking about a guy from my past who I used to hook up with in my teenage years,he always managed to keep in contact with me over years and tell me he always fancied me.After 2 months of thinking about him I contacted him and told him my marriage was crumbling and that I couldn't get him out of my head.We messaged for few weeks and I invited him over and we had amazing sex.He said he wanted to meet again asap but it's hard as my hubby is around a lot,he says hes seeing someone and it's going well but his social media says single for last 2 months so I'm not sure if his trying to make me jealous,I really like him and cant stop thinking about him,I told him this but he didn't txt back,I asked when we will hook up again and he said whenever your home alone.I dont know what to do or say to him now,the flirty msgs have stopped and the kisses he sends.

[HappySenior]

As someone who had similar problems in the distant past, my advice is stop this in it's tracks. How would you feel if this was done to you? Sure you have "justifications" but there is another path out there. Separate from your husband (if this keeps going, it's likely you will have to eventually anyway.) Focus on skill building of meeting your own needs for a while and not depending on someone else to do that. 

 

I was in your position once. I lost my mate and best friend because I was only thinking of myself. He had a revenge affair, and then married her.  Try counseling, then try separation if your husband needs motivating. Try to find out if your husband's needs are also not being met and then try to commit to each other to meet each other's needs. It's a whole lot easier than letting go of someone - you don't want to be looking back years from now (as I do) and wondering why you let yourself go wrong.

 

It was probably JUST a fling for your affair partner and it is doubtful his emotions were much involved. Come clean with your husband and try to mend your marriage. If you can't, then separate and leave it. We all -should- be more mature when we get married, but too many of us are not. There are affair survival books out there - grab one of them and get into a fix this state of mind.

I hope you take my advice... but if not, I still wish you well.

Edited December 18, 2019 by HappySenior
additional comment

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, Samarah said:

 

 

To be clear, your primary concern is that the attention from your affair partner has slowed - because your husband is home and you can’t get together and have sex in your home? 

 

My friend, I have lost family members and it does create a sense of urgency - to seize the day and live your life. But this is just irresponsible and unnecessarily hurtful to your husband. Surely you can do better than this...

Edited December 18, 2019 by BaileyB

[preraph]

Any idea why your husband isn't interested any longer?  If you had to guess, what would it be?

[DKT3]

Another chicken or egg thread... op says her marriage was bad and she THEN  started to think about the guy from her past...a guy that she always remained in contact with...chicken or egg.

[FMW]

If you aren't committed to your marriage, for whatever reason, you are going to be vulnerable to attention from someone else.  The answer is either focus completely on your marriage to see if you can fix it - or divorce and THEN pursue any man that catches your interest.  

[central]

Your husband also does not seem committed to your marriage, even though you've spoken to him about it and he's promised to do more, but has not. My advice is to divorce him and be free to find a satisfying relationship with someone else. That probably isn't going to be the fling guy, unless there is more to this than good sex (and is it only good because you've been neglected?). Continuing an affair does not solve any problems, and at best the affair is temporary relief from a much larger problem.