Long distance Ex

[SailorD]

First time poster here, sorry if it’s abit long winded. But will try and keep it brief.
 

last July I met my first love on holiday, never ended up thinking it would turn into a relationship. She’s from down south in the U.K. and I lived up north. We could completely trust each other which made it work for so long and we’re best friends  (M29) (F25) I’ve done a lot of dating before I met her as I wasn’t settling for anything less.
As the relationship started I had a new job in Europe, Over the course of the year we had visited just over 8 countries together Greece Italy Switzerland etc.. and every time we met was another memory made,  so was very intense.
In March she told me she was struggling with the distance and every time she needs me it makes her realise how far away I was.

This is when we couldn’t see each other as much, I had decided to save up enough money to come back with to make it work better even tho it was still LD it was her birthday in May so I took her on a euro trip on my way back home and spent 4 nights in Switzerland which was amazing. 
 

when I came back in early summer this year I was supposed to be promised a job which didn’t end up happening and lost my savings due to house bills. Urgh. She did how ever help me out a lot when I was out of work. This is when we was under a lot of pressure.
 

That’s when thing got difficult as I was trying to land a job and get back on my feet so after the first month We was seeing a lot of each other  and after that it  got very difficult seeing each other Again  like once a month for a weekend which she works half of it ,then she started getting distant When I just got back in to work and when she went on holiday with her brother I guess I was abit jealous and came across  As needy as she had gone distant.
 

 I was not  in a very good place mentally. From hitting rock bottom and then she broke up with me after on holiday through face time (sep). As I was just getting back on my feet when I landed my new job She did how ever previous try and break up on our anniversary in person but she didn’t want it to happen  so we talked it out ,so we didn’t break up .

She was very up set, it doesn’t help she suffers from depression.  And she is very career focused which is good. Which she is doing well.
 

I broke the NC first month after B.U She said she fell out of love with me but she said she’s still attracted to me and will always love me, had to listen to her brain not her heart during the break up,  I have been seeing a therapist which has helped a lot to make sure I don’t repeat the same mistakes even tho it’s 50/50 and learnt a lot about my self. Which has really helped with the recovery. I know I need to get my career sorted which I am doing in the new year. 
 

the last time we talked was Nov so she sent me a long text saying she’s happy with the decision but doesn’t feel like she’s had time to heal and said it would take along time to get over me.  But I will amount up to something amazing But she needs to be left alone now, she’s a very insecure girl which doesn’t help ,  
I realise that the relationship would be very unhealthy and and pressured with my situation . I’m back in work now and could make it work better, seeing each other more frequently.

It’s been nearly 2months of NC is there anyway I could  reach out or is best to stay to NC and let her reach out she is stubborn , but my feelings haven’t changed about her since  I first met her and we broke up nearly 3 months ago.

I have been on one or two dates but I’m just not interested. i have been recovering well I guess the distance had really got to us both but I was willing to close it..
 

any advice would be great thanks. 

 

[lovvebug]

Let her reach out to you. She will.

[SailorD]

I’m not sure I did say I only want her to Get back in touch if she wants a relationship as I’m all or nothing, but I don’t think she would as she is stubborn Even is she wants to .

[TeddyBundy1993]

Since you said she is a insecure girl and being alone wont help her you sure there isnt another man in her radar?  She had asked you space man. It's a red flag in my opinion but I can be wrong stay with NC don't contact her she asked you to give her space thats what you have to give to her

[SailorD]

I understand where your coming from I think there was a lot of pressure on both of us, Her insecurities is more to do with a private matter, but she  despises cheating as has fallen out with friends over it and so have I so that’s why we did so well, but I am sticking to NC I guess it’d just harder when you have loved someone who has also been a best friend. Thank you for the quick replies. But I have deleted all my social media which I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea or not but has helped me better to get on with things. 

[chillii]

l'm not about all that nc garbage and l've been there, 2 people don't usually get very far trying to out do each other and playing games , just waste a lot of time and drift apart . But in your case though , she's broken up what twice , says she's outa love and other things, so it's all you can do . l think in that situation if there was ever any hope it's gotta come from her and her own realizations .

l know it's also about healing and in that way yeah if that's what they want then it is also probably best too.

 

 

Edited December 22, 2019 by chillii

[chillii]

3 minutes ago, chillii said:

l'm not about all that nc garbage and l've been there, 2 people don't usually get very far trying to out do each other and playing games , just waste a lot of time and get further apart . But in your case though , she's broken up what twice , says she's outa love and other things, so it's all you can do . l think in that situation if there was ever any hope it's gotta come from her and her own realizations .

l know it's also about healing and in that way yeah if that's what they want then yeah it's also probably best too.

 

 

 

Edited December 22, 2019 by chillii

[SailorD]

Thanks chilli, I know what you mean about playing games, do you think deleting social media is the right thing to do? I was thinking about it for a while and I’m much happier with out it.  I’m usually the type of person who likes to talk things through rather than giving space as it’s usually all or nothing, but I suppose space can be good to find your self again if you loose your self, yeah I guess it’s abit of a complicated situation I’ve been. But got a lot to look forward to in the new year, so I guess good things just take time.