Should I end this friendship??

[Creampuff]

Last year I moved to Japan from Indonesia and made a few friends during my period of studying Japanese at language school. 2 of them being the closest one to me. Let's call them Shirley and Michelle

 

I've been with Shirley since junior high, we became friends with Michelle since we attend the same language school. Michelle is this perfect girl. She's calm, she cooks better than us, and her Japanese language skills are waayy above us (since she's in higher class than us, and always score 100 for each test), she had received N1 Japanese language certificate as well (which is the highest level for Japanese test, for those of you who don't know)

 

The three of us got accepted into the same university, I decided to move to the school's dorm, while Michelle and Shirley decided to move in together.

 

Things started to go downhill from this point. Michelle always got angry at every single thing. I'm not going to brag, but even if Michelle's Japanese skill is way better, Shirley and me had better drawing skills. Back in language school, while Michelle perfected her language skill, Shirley and me instead perfected our art skill. We're constantly praised by the professor. And that triggered Michelle because it threaten her place of being number 1.

 

Michelle first came to my dorm once in a while to bad mouth Shirley. I laugh it off at first, thinking it wasn't a big deal. I mean, people can get angry, duuh. She just need to place to let out her emotion. 

 

But later Michelle got angry at every single thing:

-she got angry because Shirley finished her homework first

-she got angry because people called me cute

-she got angry because me and Shirley is playing games

-she got angry when me and Shirley is being productive and making some arts while she's being a laidback watching animes

-she got angry because I had a plan for the future

-she got angry when I asked about the japanese homework that I don't understand

-she got angry because me and shirley had another opinion, we have to follow what she suggest all the time if not, she'll get angry

-etc

 

And it made me feel sick. Every morning I was reluctant to go to classes, because I know that going to class would mean I would meet Michelle. I have to joke around, laugh, and keep her in a good mood, but one small mistake would enrage her. But if I don't try to keep her mood in check, if I keep silent, she'll get angry. I'm tired of this constant forcing smile and making jokes while walking on a minefield, especially Shirley who lives under the same roof with her.

 

I also got scared of my phone blinking lights, which is my phone's notification because once Michelle texted me but I was asleep. Shirley said when she got home, Michelle punched the wall, throw things around, and screamed to Shirley, "THAT FRIEND OF YOURS IS USELESS!!!" Ever since that day, I kept checking my phone, I was afraid that she would texted me. 

 

Also in classes she didn't dare to shout or got angry. But when she got home, she'll bad mouth Shirley who's with her, and texted about how she's angry with me because of stuffs like I have plans in the future etc. I kept being wary with the phone notification.

 

But I can't do anything instead of keeping her happy, because Shirley lives in a share house with her, if I turn a blind eye to her anger, Shirley would be in problem. Shirley doesn't have enough money to move out by herself, so she's left with no choice but to try her best to live wirh Michelle

 

I once tried to confront her. I told her that being angry like this won't bring you anywhere. But she then said "well, you're the one who angered me, why do you have to finish your homework earlier than me?? Do you really want to get praised by the teacher?? You also had planned for the future, I know you're trying to belittle me who hadn't had a plan for the future." After she said that, in the end I feel really bad, I feel like a bad friend, and said sorry. At this point I realized Michelle never said "sorry" instead she'll look for other's mistake and make them said sorry and in the end she'll answer with "I forgive you". 

 

And most importantly she's my friend, we've been together for a while and I just can't ditch her like that. I feel like a bad person if I randomly ditch my best friend for being angry.

 

I'm really confused now... please help me...

[schlumpy]

You certainly have my admiration Creampuff. English, Japanese and your native language makes you tri-lingual. I have enough problems keeping my grammar skills up to par but you are plowing through three languages. My hat is off to you.

 

If you will indulge me for a second in a stereotype, I will assume all three of you are Asian and that you used Anglo names just as a cover. The Asian culture creates some of the most competitive people in the world. The pressure to be number one is endemic within the culture and is applied from birth. Your friend is an extreme case of it but where really superior people display their skills and do not worry about hero worship your friend has  a  deep sense of insecurity and needs to be the center of attention. Michelle is far from the perfect girl you think she is. I think she is jealous of the relationship you have with Shirley. In that arena she is not number one and it hurts her. That hurt materializes as hair trigger anger. It's her only way of coping with her frustrations.

She may have the ambition and the smarts to be number one in the classroom but like most people that pour all of their energy into one facet of their life the other facets remain dull and lifeless. She doesn't have the social skills she needs to connect with you two unless you are in her fan club.

My advice is to distance yourself. There is no way at this early stage in her life that any kindness and understanding you show her will modify her behavior. She will have to find, or not find her, own path in life and I'm afraid she will encounter many disappointments in the future but it's not your job to fix her. It's your job to realize your own potential.

If you can, move out because she will be a constant impediment to your forward progress.