Cookiesandough Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 (edited) I recently broke up with my bf and I messaged a guy I’d been crushing on for a long time. I just waved and he waved back. I explained how I broke up with my boyfriend and invited myself over to his place for dinner(he’s an extremely good cook😍) Basically, I threw myself at him. So we cook dinner together and have a nice time talk about family, finances, hobbies. He said he liked that I was assertive, he’s never had a girl he was attracted to do that. There’s a lot of flirtation. He says he hasn’t slept with anyone in 6 mo. Says he likes to be dominant in bed. I touch his arm. We see if each other is ticklish. He does the ole’ “compare hand sizes” thing. On tv, there’s a moment where a man rejects a girl who tries to kiss him by backing away. He looks at me and says “sucks when that happens, but I’ve done it too” I’m like “ yeah......” I feel like there’s a moment he’s going to do it, but it’s wishful thinking. Then I ask him “ would you say you’re assertive?” He says “sometimes” Despite all of this, there’s 0 sexual tension. I get really fed up and I say I should let him sleep. It’s not that I’m necessarily looking to bang right away, but i’d a make out session with the hot guy I’ve been crushing on. He me some food to take home and asks me to a movie Friday. I told him it would be cool to just come back here and hang out. I can watch a movie and not be kissed at home. So he says great, it’s a date. He puts my jacket on me and walks me hand in hand to my car. Then he gives me a freaking hug. He texts he he had a great time, excited to see me again blah blah blah Is this some new “game” technique because it really kind of turned me off. I’m sick of dating having to be such cerebral, mind****. Or is he just not interested in that? Maybe just company?Or did he expect me to not only initiate the Netflix and chill hangout but also make every single move therein even though he professes to be dominant? I’d like to be a little submissive and not have to make all the moves with him, so am I wasting my time? Opinions please? Edited December 19, 2019 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 Just a suggestion but maybe he fancies you as something more than just a hookup. When I was dating and was with a woman that I might want something more with I rarely kissed on a first date. I wanted her to feel comfortable with me and know that I was looking for something more than just a hookup. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
robaday Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 If he is into you, he knows you have just broken up with your bf so knows you are massively on the rebound and maybe he doesn't wanna get burnt straight away if he hasnt slept with anyone in six months? You initiated this and invited yourself around and now are annoyed he did not try and have sex with you. I don't think he really expected anything - like you said you threw yourself at him, it's his choice if he wants to initiate something or not. 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Inspire Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 wow ... talk about this guy having some blinders on. See him on Friday but don't make a move. Let him initiate the kiss and don't throw yourself at him. If he doesn't make a move on Friday then chances are he just isn't interested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cookiesandough Posted December 19, 2019 Author Share Posted December 19, 2019 (edited) Thanks for the responses! Yeah I’ll give it one more date and if nothing happens then I’ll just give up. I want to make it abundantly clear I feel no way entitled to anyone kissing me on a date, it just seemed like were some hints that it could go there and mixed signals like this kind of weird me out Edited December 19, 2019 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 Zero sexual tension = he's not into you. There's nothing wrong with you, but he's not your man. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 Cookies, your other thread indicates you broke up with your boyfriend literally 2 days ago, because he was inappropriate with another woman. This friend of yours likely knows exactly what you’re doing in throwing yourself at him (rebounding) and he doesn’t feel good about it. A guy is going to feel a lot more into it if he knows you’re not just using his company as a way to make yourself feel better about a very fresh break-up. Desperation is a turn-off, girl. You complain about men being mindf**ks, but you’re not exactly innocent in this either. 11 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 maybe he's gay? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cookiesandough Posted December 19, 2019 Author Share Posted December 19, 2019 (edited) I see what you’re saying, but if I’m being honest, I was waiting to break up with my ex bf for a while. Nothing was wrong with the relationship, but I wasn’t crazy about it(for a myriad of reasons).I knew it when I saw this guy (Subject of OP) when I was at a club with my bf and my eye was wandering. But I wouldn’t cheat. I’m grateful my ex did something that I could break up with him for. I actually was having a conversation with my friend a few weeks up until a few days before he stayed the night there on how I needed a reason to break up with him. Be careful what you wish for? But again, if I am being 100% honest I don’t know if he cheated with this girl but I’m leaning. Towards no because for one, he voluntarily told me he stayed, and secondly, he was fine with me confronting her and if I did she would spill if he came onto her etc, Also, his personality is help everyone, he once let a homeless guy in his car and shared drugs with him. He literally cannot be alone to a worrisome extent, So yea, I’m not sure and never will be but it all worked out for the best. Yes it’s messy, yes it sounds awful, but it’s what it is Edited December 19, 2019 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
2BGoodAgain Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 7 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: I recently broke up with my bf and I messaged a guy I’d been crushing on for a long time. I just waved and he waved back. I explained how I broke up with my boyfriend and invited myself over to his place for dinner(he’s an extremely good cook😍) Basically, I threw myself at him. So we cook dinner together and have a nice time talk about family, finances, hobbies. He said he liked that I was assertive, he’s never had a girl he was attracted to do that. There’s a lot of flirtation. He says he hasn’t slept with anyone in 6 mo. Says he likes to be dominant in bed. I touch his arm. We see if each other is ticklish. He does the ole’ “compare hand sizes” thing. On tv, there’s a moment where a man rejects a girl who tries to kiss him by backing away. He looks at me and says “sucks when that happens, but I’ve done it too” I’m like “ yeah......” I feel like there’s a moment he’s going to do it, but it’s wishful thinking. Then I ask him “ would you say you’re assertive?” He says “sometimes” Despite all of this, there’s 0 sexual tension. I get really fed up and I say I should let him sleep. It’s not that I’m necessarily looking to bang right away, but i’d a make out session with the hot guy I’ve been crushing on. He me some food to take home and asks me to a movie Friday. I told him it would be cool to just come back here and hang out. I can watch a movie and not be kissed at home. So he says great, it’s a date. He puts my jacket on me and walks me hand in hand to my car. Then he gives me a freaking hug. He texts he he had a great time, excited to see me again blah blah blah Is this some new “game” technique because it really kind of turned me off. I’m sick of dating having to be such cerebral, mind****. Or is he just not interested in that? Maybe just company?Or did he expect me to not only initiate the Netflix and chill hangout but also make every single move therein even though he professes to be dominant? I’d like to be a little submissive and not have to make all the moves with him, so am I wasting my time? Opinions please? it's funny.... i think he likes you, he's thinking long term, realizes you're on the rebound and wants to take things slow... you're on the rebound and you just wanna hook up... or something like it... are you seeking validation and since he wants to take it slow, you feel rejected? somehow, i think he's more self-aware/thoughtful than you... don't think he doesn't like you... it's more.. he's cautious about you, though i'm sure he does like you... but he doesn't want to get burned on a girl on a rebound track... it's not him... it's you... as the saying goes... good luck to you! 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Piddy Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 (edited) I wouldn't over think this. Long ago when I was dating if I thought the girl was 'girlfriend material' I went slow as far as physicality went. If I thought she wasn't and it was just a fling then I'd move on the physical stuff much quicker. If I thought you were girlfriend material I may have kissed you on the first date, but I wouldn't have gone further than that. I once was on a second date with a girl I thought was girlfriend material and we were making out and all of sudden she went down on me. Oops, radar was off on that one. 😯 I never equated girlfriend material with someone who saw sex like shaking hands. I was always looking for a relationship and wanted a connection / feelings with a girl first before sex. Not that I didn't enjoy the easy / loose girls though. 😉 Nothing wrong with a girl who likes recreational sex, but back then for me you wouldn't be girlfriend material. So, I'd take the fact that he's taking it slow as a good sign. He may be like me and view you as girlfriend material and wants to develop feelings and a connection before you guys start banging. I used this metaphor before. I view sex as like icing on the cake. But I want a cake (relationship) under the frosting. He may want to see if there's some cake there before he tastes the frosting. 🙂 Good Luck, I hope your second date goes well......... Edited December 19, 2019 by Piddy 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 (edited) Quote I recently broke up with my bf and I messaged a guy I’d been crushing on for a long time. I explained how I broke up with my boyfriend and invited myself over to his place for dinner. So he didn't extend an invite.. that's the first sign of disinterest Quote there’s 0 sexual tension. I get really fed up and I say I should let him sleep. It’s not that I’m necessarily looking to bang right away, but i’d a make out session with the hot guy I’ve been crushing on. but did he want a make out session with someone freshly out of a relationship that he's not crushing on or checking for? Quote He puts my jacket on me and walks me hand in hand to my car. Then he gives me a freaking hug. He texts he he had a great time, excited to see me again blah blah blah Is this some new “game” technique No--it's him protecting himself. He knows that you just recently, as in 2 days ago, broke up with your boyfriend, so why would he want to get entangled in your heavy emotional messiness that you should be sorting through right about now? You want to be mad that he sees this clearly from 500 paces and is protecting his heart? You can't sex a man into a relationship he has no intention on getting into. Edited December 19, 2019 by kendahke 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 (edited) Sounds to me he likes you so much, that he respects you, and is acting like a true gentleman. I don't get it with you young girls. You all come here and complain about how guys only want one thing, worried about being used, or them cheating on you, but when a truly nice decent guy comes along you get turned off??? makes me rethink that it is all true, that you all only go for jerks/players. Edited December 19, 2019 by smackie9 6 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 You invited yourself to his house & he commented on your assertiveness. You claim you threw yourself at him. I suspect you overwhelmed him & that put a damper on his libido. Like it or not some men can't handle aggressive women. My husband did not kiss me until our 3rd date. I was fully prepared to dump him if he hadn't kissed me that night. So there are guys who wait & that can be frustrating. My advice: sit on your hands. You can send 1 flirty short follow up text that signals interest & cries out for a response but if he doesn't respond then give up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 Kind of seems like you may just be looking for a hookup to help you move long after your breakup. Seems like this guy probably is interested in you but is wary of the "vibe" you're putting out, so he's taking it slow. He offers you a date (movie) and you are annoyed and just want to hang out in private - something that signals you're likely just wanting to hook up. If you just want/need a hookup, find another guy. If you are interested in getting to know this guy, then slow down and follow his lead for a moment instead of trying to control everything. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Brennan72 Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 Yeah, this is a guy who doesn't want to be the rebound / plan B boyfriend. I was that one time, and after a few months of dating the girl, she got back with her Ex. I was heartbroken, and vowed it wouldn't happen again. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cookiesandough Posted December 19, 2019 Author Share Posted December 19, 2019 (edited) Okay hey! Thanks for the responses, but I don’t think I did that bad? I only ‘threw’myself at him in that I waved 👋 on messenger and then I told him about the break up and how I wanted some of his food. He ultimately said I should come over and he’d cook for me. He initiated all the talk about his sex life, kissing comment, light touches. I told him he seems cool and he’s an attractive guy, but is that really that bad. I wasn’t over there dtf really, but I wouldn’t have minded a kiss to let me know we are on the same page. Though maybe we aren’t. He texted today inviting me to me to a movie today (since we’re staying in tomorrow)but I made up an excuse. I don’t even know if I’m friend zoned and seeing him yesterday, today, and tomorrow would be a bit much. Again, thanks for the responses though. You guys are brutal af as always ,.. Edited December 19, 2019 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 WE'RE brutal? cookie, read your thread as if someone else was writing it. Better yet, give it a few months, come back and reread it. Gently, there's a progression of physical touch that helps a couple establish a healthy romantic relationship. Trying to recall what the first touch would be, maybe holding hands, maybe touching arm, can't recall. But, the longer you focus on the intellectual/emotional/spiritual aspects of your relationship before slowly moving into the touching, then kissing, stages, the better the relationship outcome in the long run. Sounds to me as if you met a very possibly healthy man you've decided to sideline because he doesn't fit your, what seems to me to be, unhealthy relationship expectations. 6 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 I don’t think anyone is being brutal, really. We’re just trying to remind you that most guys aren’t going to take you very seriously if you break up with your boyfriend and immediately come knocking on their door. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 I hate to be harsh but you are totally blowing it with this guy I'm making it clear you only want to use him for sex. He's treating you decently. he knows you just broke up with someone and he's apparently smart enough not to be your rebound. You have thrown away a good opportunity to just date this guy by just throwing yourself at him in that way. He's giving you more respect than you've earned at this point. maybe he doesn't have any trouble getting sex and that's not all he's looking for and doesn't like being just used for it anymore. You should stop trying to have sex with him and respect his pace and see what he will do without you being all over him.. 5 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 (edited) 1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said: He texted today inviting me to me to a movie today (since we’re staying in tomorrow)but I made up an excuse. I don’t even know if I’m friend zoned and seeing him yesterday, today, and tomorrow would be a bit much. Oh dear. Do you understand that by saying no to the movie you are giving this guy the message that you were DTF yesterday & now he's in your friendzone? He's trying but he's also trying to figure out WTH you want, cause you sure aren't making it clear. Edited December 19, 2019 by d0nnivain 5 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted December 20, 2019 Share Posted December 20, 2019 Sounds to me like you really want to be in control. But if you want a man you can desire, I think you need to follow his lead. He's trying to date you with a view to something lasting, not just a hookup. It's telling that you're resisting that. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted December 20, 2019 Share Posted December 20, 2019 21 hours ago, Piddy said: I wouldn't over think this. ....... Nothing wrong with a girl who likes recreational sex, but back then for me you wouldn't be girlfriend material. So, I'd take the fact that he's taking it slow as a good sign. He may be like me and view you as girlfriend material and wants to develop feelings and a connection before you guys start banging. ......... Bingo !!!!!!!! Just ask yourself... are you looking to have some fun, or are you looking for your next BF? (since you had a crush on him) I've never had a relationship with my flings. AND, to be 100% honest... the aggressive girl was fun to be with, but I can't trust that mentality to a long term relationship. So... if you want sex... just tell him on the next date. If you want a relationship... slow down, and don't overthink it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted December 20, 2019 Share Posted December 20, 2019 C&D, whats the rush? You broke up with someone 2 days ago, slow down. This guys likes you and is being every bit the respectful gentleman. He is not playing games. He is taking it slowly because of your VERY recent break up. He wants to date you. Do you want to date him? Or is it just sex you are looking for? 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cookiesandough Posted December 21, 2019 Author Share Posted December 21, 2019 (edited) Thanks for the replies!!!! Just updating for science. Got back from my second “date” with him a little bit ago. Long story short: he kissed me. A lot. Lol. We were cuddling/touching/making out for hours. I decided to ask him out of curiosity why he didn’t kiss me on the first date. He told me he was trying to be a gentleman. That’s at least his claim. Only one problem. This date and kissing him made me realize I’m not that into him 🥴. I think we are not a match physically (I felt literally no sparks when we kissed. Felt blah but I tried to go with it) and I don’t think mentally either. Oh well! Probably for the best because I like being on my own. Thanks again, everyone Edited December 21, 2019 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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