No kiss on the first date, am I friend zoned?

[The Outlaw]

Not necessarily. Some guys are old fashioned and just want to take it slow. I was no different few years back and it blew up in my face but she was only interested in a hookup. Not a relationship. There's always the possibility he's been burned before and he's just trying to ease into it to see if it's worth it so just give him a little time. 

[Cookiesandough]

This guy did something that bothered me. Last night, we were watching a movie and he made a joke where he called a white guy in the movie the N word. He is also a white guy. It was even with the ‘er’ ending. I know he’s not racist. Just don’t like the word at all. Am I overreacting? Maybe. 

Theres also the fact that I don’t like having an ongoing, undefined relationship. I know that it is my fault since he did ask me to be his girlfriend, but I don’t want to be his girlfriend either. 

I think I need to end this...thing, because for now, it is not for me. 

And cautiously_optimistic called it. I am not anywhere near done dating. I have been chatting with this guy I met on OkCupid who lives in Chicago. We’re set to meet when he moves here at the end of the month. He’s so easy to talk to. I’m really feeling this guy so far. 

 

It just sucks because I feel like I can’t  find anyone worth settling down for. I don’t know if such a person even exists.

 

Edited January 24, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[JTSW]

Just now, Cookiesandough said:

This guy did something that bothered me. Am I overreacting? Maybe. 

Theres also the fact that I don’t like having an ongoing, undefined relationship. I know that it is my fault since he did ask me to be his girlfriend, but I don’t want to be his girlfriend either. 

I think I need to end this...thing, because for now, it is not for me. 

And cautiously_optimistic called it. I am not anywhere near done dating. I have been chatting with this guy I met on OkCupid who lives in Chicago. We’re set to meet when he moves here at the end of the month. He’s so easy to talk to. I’m really feeling this guy so far.

 

Hi Cookies,

Sorry, with the amount of guys you have posted about its difficult to know which one you are referring to lol x

it's a regular pattern here though.

Once someone asks you to be their girlfriend you cut and run.

That's ok though. You are not obligated to be anyone's girlfriend.

In reference to this, it's perfectly ok to bothered by racial phrases.

I do not like it either.

 

[Ellener]

When you are using a phrase like 'bang' for one of life's most beautiful experiences, well I wouldn't be with someone who did that. 

Who would?

And yes you are right to react to the 'n' word as you did. Mature people don't throw these offensive words around lightly.

 

 

[Andy_K]

On 1/21/2020 at 5:34 PM, Cookiesandough said:

@Andy_K Wow... It’s like you read my mind. That’s exactly it.  I’m glad someone can relate. I just wonder what we do to get out of that cycle? I hate it and sometimes I wonder if I will ever stop feeling this way.  

With the right person, you'll feel free in a relationship rather than smothered. That's just about the only way out, and it's what you need to be looking for. You're not going to be genuinely happy being single, but you can be content/distracted for a while when you need some downtime from dating.

[chillii]

On 1/5/2020 at 6:34 AM, Cookiesandough said:

To me a casual hookup is mainly about the sex. I don’t care much about that. I don’t know why I keep getting myself in these situations though.

 

I have not had any kind of sex w him yet, but eventually that will be expected. Like I said, it has to progress. You get asked on a date, and you say ‘eh why not’ and on and on. Eventually, it isn’t so casual. I’m passed the point where it’s okay to just disappear on the person (though I might) and then you have to have a talk about why this and why that. It’s just awkward and uncomfortable and frankly not worth the momentary companionship, so I don’t know why I do it. I’m actually thinking back to before I started dating not too long ago and remembering myself much happier

 

findingmyway, what you say is ideal in theory. However, I feel like two people with the best compatibly will find clashes. I just don’t know if the small amount of time and intimacy I desire is worth dragging a another person into my life. I guess in life we must pick and choose. 

Yep , you gotta pick and choose very carefully as l always say , be very selective, or you just end up dropping yourself into this same crap over and over . This why l never ever dated , all l needed was to meet her and l'd know from there . A few of the situations l walked away from could've been literally dreams come true , but knowing they weren't right me already , l'd only end up in this thing your dropping yourself into , and then , you've gotta get out of it and hurt people long the way , self included, and just waste years in the cycle like so many people seem to do.

No guarantee it's going to work out with the one you do meet and want to make a go of it with , but at least if everything is right to begin with your starting in the right place and spending time with the right person.

But l agree with others , you shouldn't even be bothering right now by the way you talk, you need time alone , just live , until you figure out what you want .

Edited January 25, 2020 by chillii