Girl Already Broke our Agreement, What Should I Do?

[zivo]

I met a girl online, and we talked for about 1-2 weeks daily. She lives a few states away and we agreed to meet after the holidays to see how we liked each other in person, so no technical relationship yet. I also proposed to her that neither of us would have sex with someone else during this time, but we could still talk to other people. She agreed and accepted that. Fast forward to now, which is about a month in already, she tells me that she hooked up with someone last week and regrets it. 

Since we were not in a relationship, but still had an agreement, should this be a deal breaker? I feel like relationship or not, an agreement such as this still means the same to me. Has anyone went through something like this? I blocked her off all my social media as of now but not sure if I am overreacting and if I should just brush it under the rug since we haven't even met yet in person.

[chillii]

They always regret it later , same ol, doesn't stopem though.

Personally l'd be passing , especially breaking an agreement like that .

People can rant on about other people all they want but you made that agreement yet she couldn't even keepem closed a few weeks. That's got so many points where to even begin. You don't want her for a gf.

[ExpatInItaly]

I think such an agreement when you barely know the person is unrealistic and unreasonable, OP, especially when you have never met. You have been talking to her for  30 days at most, if I understand this correctly. She doesn’t owe you sexual fidelity nor even an explanation of her private business. An agreement like this comes across as controlling and insecurity-fuelled on your part. 

 

I realize she unwisely accepted your terms, but it was obviously not a realistic prospect for her either. This isn’t the girl for you, but not because she’s doing something wrong - because you and she evidently have vastly different expectations and approaches to dating. You would be best to stick to local girls, as I don’t see you being trusting or secure enough to date someone long-distance. 

Edited December 19, 2019 by ExpatInItaly

[d0nnivain]

I think it should be a deal breaker but only because she is a more carnal person then you understand.  She's not going to be happy with a partner who is too far away to be in her bed on a weekly basis.  You are both probably wonderful people but an LDR is not in the cards for you. 

 

Going forward if you foolishly try to have a "relationship" with people you haven't met & think you can extract promises of fidelity form strangers,  I suspect you will get your heart broken a lot.  Instead you'd be better served to date locally or assume the other person has multiple partners when you are not around. 

[Kaarek]

I think it's time to move on and find a girl in your area. Why get stuck with girls that lives far way that will only fill you up with unnecessary insecurities and doubts? Not worthy.

[S2B]

She broke the agreement. That shows you she isn’t a gal that keeps her word.

 

she could have come back to renegotiate the terms BEFORE breaking her word. 

But she didn’t. So she has very low ability to be trustworthy. She also disrespected the agreement without thinking about it ahead of time.

she possibly has impulse issues.

i wouldn’t have a problem cutting off all contact with her.

[rjc149]

On 12/19/2019 at 1:46 AM, zivo said:

Since we were not in a relationship, but still had an agreement, should this be a deal breaker? 

I think the deal-breaker here is a man demanding sexual exclusivity from a woman he's never met, let alone his partner in a relationship. This just reeks of controlling, insecure and potentially emotionally abusive behavior. Without exclusivity, women don't owe you fidelity. As much as that may burn you because you had feelings for her and she disregarded them, you have to accept it. 

That said, you're dealing with a very weak-willed girl. Too weak to say no to an unreasonable request, to weak to keep a promise she made. Not a good look for her either. But, most women, especially young women, act on emotion first, logic and principle second. Lesson learned. 

Focus on dating local girls. Men who try to tie women down long-distance are low-value and inherently unattractive. LDR's that result from temporary separations are one thing, but why can't you find a local girl to date? 

Edited January 9, 2020 by rjc149

[JTSW]

I 100% agree with rjc149. 

Proposing something like that to someone you haven't even met is controlling and potentially abusive behavior.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

If it were a woman posting this about a man, she would be told to understand that there is no official relationship and that he has needs.

[major_merrick]

She broke the agreement, so drop her.  Or keep going with her online and bang someone on the side for yourself.  Of course, understand that LDR's are just begging for cheating to happen.  I had a relationship with a girl who traveled for work.  Guess what?  Total cheater.  And knowing my own sex drive, I'm not all that surprised at LDR cheaters anymore.  To have a faithful relationship, you'd better be physically around.  Both men and women have needs, and unless there's a really strong emotional bond there's just too much temptation. 

[Jngl]

Open up the relationship, at least for a while.  She could of just lied to you about it but she didn't.  Maybe y'all should agree not to have sex on the first meeting and just see how you two enjoy each other's company and don't worry about what a responsible adult is doing since technically y'all are not in an actual relationship yet.