Is my man cheating?

[ireland]

Hi,

 

I have been with a man for almost five years. I am 23 and he is almost 21 (I know cradle robber). We just moved 1000 miles away from our hometown in Jan. We did not live together before. Since about Feb/March, things have gotten very different. I feel he is distant from me and has rejected my sexual advances several times (pretty unheard of for a man right?) Anyway, he spends large quantities of time online. In March, I checked the history and found numerous porn sites. This upset me because he is rejecting me so he can look at pictures. I have told him that we could look at porn together but that I felt he was pathetic if he was looking at it alone. Anyways, I confronted him and he had a nice little excuse for each one. I felt like an idiot and promised I wouldn't check the history again. Well, I lied. He has still been weird so I keep checking. The other day, I checked the other Internet Browser and found all sorts of things, porn sites and he was looking up a girl from our old town on people finder. A hot girl. Along with another woman from our new town who I don't know. I have tried different ways to spice up our sex life with no luck. Should I talk to him about this and admit that I have still been checking up on him or should I wait until I have more concrete proof? Any advice will be great because we have never had any problems before. He is really shy and knows if he were to cheat, it would be over because I couldn't handle it. Thanks!!

 

Ireland

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "He is really shy and knows if he were to cheat, it would be over because I couldn't handle it."

 

In many cases, I would not call a man obsessed with porn a "cheater" but in this case I would say your guy is already cheating...but who could blame him?

 

My Gawd, you took up with this guy when he was 16. No, you're not a cradle robber, but he has spent some very formative years with you...years most men spend exploring their world socially and sexually. He has some wild oats to sew and you just can't stand in the way of nature.

 

What you are doing going through his computer right now is acting more like a mama than a girlfriend. How could he possibly be interested in having sex with his mama, who goes through his computer to see where he's been and scolds him for that? A girlfriend needs to be understanding and a partner to help the other get through whatever issues may be confronted.

 

So why continue to put yourself, and HIM, through this? If you care about this guy at all, even a tiny, tiny bit, cut him loose so he doesn't have to develop himself at porn sites on the Internet. Let him go out into the world and do what others his age have had the opportunity to do for thousands of years...meet others and explore the world.

 

If you do not do this, you have no future with him anyway. Nothing can ever come of the two of you because he has important developing to do.

 

Forget his activity on the porn sites. Be mature here and have a talk with him. Both of you need to discuss the important years ahead for both of you and how you want to spend them.

 

If you can't do this, get a competent counsellor involved. This man has some growing to do...and, nothing against you, but I think you could use some time away to grow a bit yourself. I think we all need that at certain times in our lives.