Ellener Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 I finish up my final Christmas performance today ( I'm a musician ) then I just have a couple of days side gig selling gifts and some writing ie. probably way too much solitary time! I've heard from old friends I haven't seen for years, churning up lots of memories, it's three years since my father's final illness, and I really want to tell my friend how I feel and have it be a proper relationship or stop now- just rather not at Christmas with all the sentimentality... Feeling off-balance. The holidays can easily derail my composure and sense of wellbeing that's for sure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 this time of year can be quite unsettling for some people 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted December 20, 2019 Share Posted December 20, 2019 Hiya Ellener. Yeah it sure can turn the best of us on our heads sometimes. l can never figure out just how and why , it's only christmas, only 1 day really, and that doesn't have to be anything if your solo , if you don't want. But somehow , it always is. l've got my daughter and family 4hours away , bla bla. Got an extra dose though this year and heard from my ex gf a few weeks back and we've talked a bit , too much to go into here but it's been bloody complicated. Meanwhile my gf herself , will be stuck 1200km away until at least feb' so we won't even be together and the poor thing has huge stuff going on that'll be with her right through too and is almost imploding with huge stress. Just another Christmas eh. So is the friend someone you've been seeing , but not quite there yet or ? Could things just wait a few weeks first ? Sorta going through similar in that just this last wk gf's stuff has gotten so much for her and she's 1200k away and close to losing it l'm not even sure how we're gonna wind up tbh ,, then l hear from ex. So yep , they do , for some reason it all seems to suddenly matter, or something , this time of year. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted December 20, 2019 Author Share Posted December 20, 2019 I've pulled out an upbeat Abba recording for the car, started a veggie diet detox and taken to being outdoors with the dog whenever I'm not working! 'So is the friend someone you've been seeing , but not quite there yet or ? Could things just wait a few weeks first ?' Not seeing him chillii, we were good-heartedly flirting for a while then he kissed me and told me he loved me then we were awkward for a few weeks; to be fair to him I wanted to be over the anxiety ( following the flood ) before I got involved with a serious relationship. And really, I didn't want him to be my first person dating after years of marriage then being single...I wanted something less intense...but now I expect that doesn't matter so much. I went on one match.com date, lovely guy, but all it showed is I have strong feelings for my friend. I still find it all a bit strange to be honest, I mean- I know my life isn't going to fall apart whatever happens, not in the way my son's problems, the disaster and losing my home derailed things. But all the holiday sentimentality can do a number on me, I'm determined to stay calm this year... Sorry you can't be with your gf too. Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted December 20, 2019 Share Posted December 20, 2019 Ellener, Without knowing all the details of you and your friends life. Reading about surviving a flood , parents illness etc. You are hesitant to go from platonic friendship to romantic friendship, easily understood. I'm inclined to believe that the friendship is an anchor, towards a successful future relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
2BGoodAgain Posted December 20, 2019 Share Posted December 20, 2019 if it's the seasons that bring up this feelings... i'd say stay clear.... feelings shouldn't fluctuate just b/c it's a season of whatever.. that's just playing with fire on your own heart and your target. protect yourself and protect your friend. if it's still there way past the holidays...then who knows.. you're an adult.. you can make adult decisions and take a risk. But don't do it b/c of the holidays... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted December 20, 2019 Share Posted December 20, 2019 (edited) You lost your home, it's kaput ? , God sorry Ellener , l don't suppose you wanna be talking about that right now so just ignore but,,, That's ironic you went on a date site, so did l , 8wks ago , for 2wks. My gf was all over the place her sitch looked like we were screwed , l dunno , l just wanted to talk really , l wouldn't have acted , but it showed me the same thing and l got off it fast in disgust with myself, l dunno wth l was doing, next l hear from ex ,Jezuz. Maybe, not now , later on or whenever , you can talk to your friend and explain, take some time, and you got big stuff going on too, maybe in 6, 12mths , things might be different. l was single ,on purpose , 3 1/2 yrs after marriage, then l met ex gf, but it was huge stuff with her l wasn't quite ready for either, anyway we couldn't work out distance, then l met gf now , l was still a bit of a mess but l started to free up and then she had all this stuff hit the fan, so it's been over 4 yrs of very confusing love life , just what l needed to, not. But reading around ls , casual dating or whatever they'd call it , it's not my thing, but just sayin, sounds like another kinda nightmare anyway, but then l know you still need to feel ready., especially with all you got going on now. Edited December 20, 2019 by chillii 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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