Is she cheating?

[Johnson1]

Gf of 4 months is acting strange. She has a corporate luncheon she was all excited about going to today and last night when she got home from work she got a Brazilian wax done, then got drunk and started a fight because she wanted me to stay up till 1am wrapping presents instead of coming to bed. We ended up making up and playing around a little and I noticed was wide open down. She's NEVER felt like that. Is that possible with a Brazilian wax? She willingly gave me the code to her phone, but I'm not privy to her Corporate email. She's in upper management at her job and told me she gets hit on all the time. She strolls through her corporate emails, but never shows me anything. Yesterday she 'told me' she got an email from a vendor guy who asked her if she wanted Chick-fil-A. I asked her if she knew him and she said no, but it's kind of strange that someone would just email her asking her if she wants lunch who's never even met her. She has the freedom to go wherever she wants during the day, so if she wanted to she could screw around easily. She told me she loves and adores me and that she's satisfied, but she hasn't been acting that way the last couple of days. Her luncheon was from 11:30am - 2.   She changed her story about what she plans to do afterwards from going shopping to going back to the office. Now she's not answering my text or call. She's always prompt about answering or getting back within 20 minutes or so. It's been over an hour so far. I texted her in the afternoon yesterday and she didn't respond. She said the volume somehow got turned down, but I'd just been speaking with her through text minutes before. 

[kendahke]

16 minutes ago, Vocals5 said:

She strolls through her corporate emails, but never shows me anything.

Nor should she.

That is none of your business and you have absolutely no legal right to read anything on their mail servers. In fact, if it's her company phone, you shouldn't have any codes to it at all..

 

I get random emails from males I'll never know all the time on my business email accounts--they go into the junk mail because someone got ahold of the company roster and spam mailed everyone on it about their product or services.

 

The rest of your post doesn't indicate to me that anything untoward is going on.  You're just overthinking things. Do you want to break up and are looking for a reason?

 

And at 4 months in, you're right in the point of new relationships where the "on their best behavior" representatives have been dismissed and you're finding that the real you and the real her are not compatible---this is the time when weak foundational relationships fail.

Edited December 19, 2019 by kendahke

[Mrin]

Whoa there... a few things for you to try on:

 

1. Don't see anything to be concerned about. As a guy who has clients I often will reach out and see if they want some lunch if I am headed their way around lunchtime. Especially if they're important (you said she was upper management. But let's say the vendor dude has the hots for her. Cool. You're dating an attractive woman desired by other men. High 5 yourself. 

 

2. You sound needy, insecure, low confidence and smothering. Damn dude, you gotta get that under control. Most women find that to be a yuge turn off. Like epic turn off.

 

3. ^^^^ @kendahke is right - this is the 4 month mark. You're getting to see the real her and she the real you. Doesn't look good my friend - and i'm not talking about her. 

 

Best of luck!

 

Mrin

[d0nnivain]

Paranoid much?

 

Somebody has to wrap the presents & there is a ticking clock.  

 

The Bazillion was for you. . . duh . . . way to be ungrateful.  Those things F'ing HURT!!!! She didn't get that for fun.  Yes it makes everything more open & sensitive.  

 

Having her cell phone password does not equal trust.  She can't give you her corporate email account.  That would get her fired!  

 

She went to a holiday lunch & her plans changed.  She's an adult woman & you are not her jailer or her father.  She doesn't have to check in with you to change her mind.  She doesn't need your permission nor is she required to answer your social calls within a short specified amount of time, especially during the work day.  She may have been getting face time with her boss (don't turn that into something dirty).

 

If you love this woman & want her to be romantic with you stop being so suspicious.  Instead start a light dinner; wrap the rest of the presents & just give her a peaceful night.   

[some_username1]

*ahem* This is the poster whose partner was getting Bumble notifications show up on her phone at the 4 month mark so when you throw that into the mix what ostensibly seems innocuous gets put into a new light.

 

For me, the app notifications, the openness about getting hit on, changes in texting behaviour, the wax before an event she is excited about...hmm...there’s some circumstantial stuff there. I would say trust your gut, you are the one who engages with her every day and provided you are otherwise rational and trusting then your gut instinct is best placed to know better than any of us that something is off and usually it’s telling you that there is a subtle shift in the dynamic (in my experience changes in text behaviour have *always* been a sign of a change in interest) and you need to be wary. Not paranoid, not yet. But wary.

[schlumpy]

From what you have written it's hard to say if she's found another love interest and she's keeping you around as backup. How much proof do you need? Is a few vague texts on her phone enough? How many times will accept her excuses for not answering the phone? Is the level proof you require a picture of her walking arm and arm into a hotel room with another man?

 

Again, from what you have laid out here, I don't get why you think she's cheating on you. Why would that be your first thought? Does she have a history of stepping out on past boy friends?

Was she unattached when she met you? If not, then I guess I understand your thought process. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

 

If you need more evidence then gather it until you are satisfied one way or another. She may be an adult woman that can make her own decisions but then you are also in that general category and are entitled to take what action you deem necessary to protect yourself.

 

You could do something else. You could have a serious talk with her and lay out your observations and how it's making you feel. If she reacts badly then dump her. That way you avoid all the time and effort it will take to independently verify her actions as well as intentions.

 

Good luck.

[lurker74]

To me, you sound (and I admit it's hard to judge) like you don't think you're in her league and that now you've been with her for 4 months, she'll probably lose interest. That kind of attitude often (mostly?) becomes self-fulfilling. You start getting paranoid, accusing, and then angry. Then she withdraws and things end. Now, to be honest, if you don't trust someone, that's enough reason to leave. It doesn't really matter what evidence you have or don't have; trust is a precondition of love and relationships. But this all seems to be based on circumstantial evidence that your attitude is conflating with infidelity.

 

So either have fun, partake int he Brazilian, and trust her or end the relationship with both your dignity and her intact. Because you can never be 100% sure that someone isn't cheating on you, even in the best of circumstances.

[Gaeta]

Based only on this thread, If you cannot handle a successful woman that has a life outside dating you, if you cannot handle she has business lunches and after hours, then don't date one. You might do better with another type of woman. If indeed like someone mentioned she is still on a dating app then that's 100% unacceptable at 4 months mark and it's time you move on. In the corporate world it's normal to have lunch invitations, I get them a few times a year. 

[smackie9]

You are letting your imagination run wild. Stop the madness. If you can't handle her lifestyle/business relationships then I agree, you need to find a different type of woman to be your GF.

[kendahke]

13 hours ago, some_username1 said:

his is the poster whose partner was getting Bumble notifications show up on her phone at the 4 month mark so when you throw that into the mix what ostensibly seems innocuous gets put into a new light.

 

Not for me.

[Brennan72]

Has she ever gotten a wax before? Or is this something new?

 

Here is where I get a little suspicious: she gets the waxing, then comes home and wraps presents instead of jumping into bed with you. So who is the waxing really for?

 

The vendor thing I wouldn't worry about. I have vendors ask me to lunch all the time. Normal business stuff.

 

But you have only been with this girl for 4 months--that isn't a lot of time, and does she even think you are "exclusive"? She could have other guys in her life, and you will have to decide if you are going to be cool with that, or let her go. 

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Brennan72 said:

Here is where I get a little suspicious: she gets the waxing, then comes home and wraps presents instead of jumping into bed with you. So who is the waxing really for?

 

 

Most likely she did the waxing for herself.   There are plenty of women who get it done who don't have a partner or lover.   As for jumping straight into bed with the guy, I will wager that you've never had your nether regions waxed.  If you had, you'd know they remain sore for a couple of days.  Hardly an inducement to jump straight into bed.

Edited December 20, 2019 by basil67

[kendahke]

Quote

Here is where I get a little suspicious: she gets the waxing, then comes home and wraps presents instead of jumping into bed with you. So who is the waxing really for?

 

Just stop.

The waxing was for her. There are plenty of women who prefer being waxed and it has nothing to do with their fidelity. 

[Piddy]

I agree with those that think there's not enough evidence of cheating.  And like was said, 4 months in is just the time the velcro stage (cloud 9) ends and you really start to get to know each other.  Don't let your paranoia ruin this next stage of your relationship.  Trust her until she definitely shows you not to. 

[usa1ah]

There are red flags. 
 

4 months in and she is telling you “I get hit on all the time”. Who really does that?

 
Even a vender I have never met and don’t know asked if I wanted Chick-fil-A. 
 

Short relationship with red flags and she has done things that have broken your trust in her already. 
 

Say thanks for the fun time we have had and end it. 
 

The two of you have had the exclusive talk already? Some people take it for granted when they start dating someone. With others it has to be stated that the relationship is exclusive for it to be. Cheaters have used the argument to defend their actions. 
 

So, unless you have been cheated on in every relationship and/or you are just a paranoid freak, trust your gut. So many have said that they wished they had when it first happened. 

[Brennan72]

5 hours ago, kendahke said:

 

Just stop.

The waxing was for her. There are plenty of women who prefer being waxed and it has nothing to do with their fidelity. 

 

it depends on whether or not she gets waxing on a regular basis. If she never got one before, and suddenly goes and gets one (before going on a company event she is really excited about), I would get a bit suspicious. 

 

Now if she gets them frequently, I wouldn't think anything of it 

[kendahke]

12 hours ago, Brennan72 said:

 

it depends on whether or not she gets waxing on a regular basis. If she never got one before, and suddenly goes and gets one (before going on a company event she is really excited about), I would get a bit suspicious. 

 

Now if she gets them frequently, I wouldn't think anything of it 

No it doesn't.  Not at all by any stretch of the weak imagination.

 

You're conflating two separate issues that have nothing to do with each other.

 

Just stop.

 

Edited December 24, 2019 by kendahke

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

The fact that your girlfriend of 4 months would even have a dating app on her phone in the first place is completely ridiculous and speaks to her intent. Granted, there are other faculties for the use of the app 'Bumble' than just dating, there is also a 'Friendship' tab and 'Business' tab, but I mean, if were talking between Male and Female, she is at bare minimum, weighing out her options.

 

Whether we want to admit it or not, most of us use our phones to have relationships through. Most of us also use our phones to create relationships. Point blank, if you are with an individual who has unaccounted time, has the potential to have unaccounted time, has a freaking dating app on their phone and is straying outside of their normal behavior, it is cause for concern certainly.

 

I'm gonna level with you though OP, most people that tend to focus on their partner over themselves end up in a bad position... You cannot just focus on her, you need to focus on yourself. The fact that you are focusing on her, speaks to the fact that you know your relationship is suffering for whatever reason... Maybe she wants somebody who makes more money or is more career driven, I don't know, but worrying about it is going to solve nothing. At the end of the day, a man needs to build value in his own life, whether he is single or not and that building of value needs to be the focus. 

 

Furthermore, why are you guys living together 4 months in?

[usa1ah]

On 12/24/2019 at 11:07 AM, kendahke said:

No it doesn't.  Not at all by any stretch of the weak imagination.

 

You're conflating two separate issues that have nothing to do with each other.

 

Just stop.

 

So we are just stupid?

 

I have read way to many threads where the wife/girlfriend does this exactly along with other things. She gets all fix up for the special night with her other man. 

[mark clemson]

The flags here are yellow, not red IMO. But they are there.

 

If you are THAT worried about it, you could consider having her followed, e.g. by a hired PI. Hardly worth it at the 4 month mark, though, the stakes aren't high enough.

 

If it was me, I'd recognize that she is indeed her own person, continue the relationship, and keep an half an eye out for any further yellow or red flags.