ben1985 Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 I'll try and keep this short ish. I'm 34 and she is 21. We have been friends for about a year or so. I know her boyfriend and he introduced us one night and we hit it off strait away. We only chatted only occasionally but over time we got closer. Back in August she rang me up in a state saying he was going to dump her. So she came round and he rang her and dumped her there and then. Anyway....we had a few too many drinks and had sex. Anyway, they got back together the next day. We carried on talking and went out a few time to the pub etc but didn't get physical again until October. Since then we have been texting every day, having sex twice a week and going out on dates. She left her boyfriend last weekend. We spent the weekend together. Made plans to go out etc. All I asked was that she was honest with me about how she felt and if she needed time after the break up. Last Sunday she was at a friend's house and we messaged all night, she was saying she loves me, then on Monday she went to meet her ex and has ignored me since. Her relationship with him is emotionally abusive. He is very controlling. Tells her she is mentally ill so she won't go out. She isn't allowed to talk to me and her best mate hates him. I feel bad for her and I'm hurting also. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 She is 21, she is playing you, she is playing him. My guess she loves him but when he acts out she runs to you to make herself feel better. Once she feels more composed or he does enough pleading, she goes back to him. You feel you are the knight in shining armour, sent to save the fair damsel from the ogre. But she doesn't want or need saving... Cheaters tend to have one thing in common, apart from being good liars that is, they do exactly what is best for themselves and to hell with anyone else... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted December 20, 2019 Share Posted December 20, 2019 Rare day when I agree 100% with elaine. She is young, and young people need to figure out what they want in life. She wants her boyfriend but he isnt acting the way she wants, in those times she uses you to fill the gap. I suspect this will be a relationship that 8s solely based on him, and how he is treating her on any given day. You shouldn't feel sorry for her. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 20, 2019 Share Posted December 20, 2019 Indeed, at 21 years old she knows nothing about relationships. She is learning the lessons that she needs to learn in this on-again/off-again emotionally abusive relationship. But that, is her path to walk... Unfortunately, you made a really poor decision by getting yourself entangled with a young woman who is still obviously, very invested in another relationship. She is not in any position to be who you want her to be - she is not capable of having a healthy relationship with you right now. If she does come back to you, you will be aware based on past history that she is not to be trusted. So, best to cut your losses now before you get really seriously hurt and learn your own life lesson - cheating causes pain for everyone involved and women who are just out of relationships, particularly abusive relationships, generally don’t make good relationship partners. Get through the holidays and you can make a New Years resolution to date more mature, single women, next year. Best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ben1985 Posted December 20, 2019 Author Share Posted December 20, 2019 I know you are all correct. I have felt so stupid through all of this. I shal not bother with her again. Her boyfriend is also my age and he is just as stupid taking her back I think. Anyway, onwards and upwards. Thanks 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted December 20, 2019 Share Posted December 20, 2019 A wise decision IMO... Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted December 20, 2019 Share Posted December 20, 2019 She's still in kindergarten. Forget her. Poppy. Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted December 20, 2019 Share Posted December 20, 2019 (edited) I'm sorry, but him not allowing her to talk to you, the guy who is screwing her, is NOT an indication of him being emotionally abusive. Edited December 20, 2019 by Starswillshine Typo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 20, 2019 Share Posted December 20, 2019 3 hours ago, Starswillshine said: I'm sorry, but him not allowing her to talk to you, the guy who is screwing her, is NOT an indication of him being emotionally abusive. Thats just good common sense, trying to establish a healthy boundary where there are none. This alone does not make this man emotionally abusive. But perhaps, there are other things like telling her she is mentally ill... either way, it does not matter because that is between these two people and it sounds like OP has the good sense to extricate himself from this love triangle. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
2BGoodAgain Posted December 20, 2019 Share Posted December 20, 2019 she's addicted to him; for whatever reasons. love, abuse, emotional whatever. the point is, you're a side thing for her.. i'm sure she thinks she cares about you, but she has no qualms dumping you for her ex... on a moments dime. so... run. RUN as fast as you can, and protect your heart and don't get sucked into her emotional ups and down and traumas... RUN. Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted December 21, 2019 Share Posted December 21, 2019 I agree with Poppy. Poppy, great to see you. Hope you're well! Link to post Share on other sites
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