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I enjoy being the OW

ElecLibre

By ElecLibre,
in The Other Man / Woman

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Tristian
Message added by Tristian

Those looking to discuss the morality of infidelity or their personal opinions on those that find themselves in that sort of relationship  are encouraged to do so in an appropriate thread, or if need be they can start their own in the appropriate forum.

Posts along those lines will be considered off topic here.

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ElecLibre

ElecLibre

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I've been reading though this forum to get an idea of other people's experiences in affairs, and it seems that there are many women who feel negatively about being the OW. My MM and I have been flirting for less than a year and started having sex a couple of months ago. He never pretends that he doesn't love his wife and he has always said that he would not leave his family so it's been very clear from day 1. I am satisfied with this situation - I love the moments we share and I'm happy not having to commit to him to enjoy his company. Are there others on this forum who have similar experiences? It would be nice to read some "positive" stories too!

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TinyCastle

TinyCastle

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Are you married or single? I think it is easier to stay satisfied in the affair if you are both married and letting the affair plug gaps in your respective marriages. In my case, we were friends for several years before it became physical about 7 months ago. It has been hot and intense since. I’m married but separating. I’m not really in a place where I could freely date. He’s married, and has no intention of leaving. We’ve been quite honest with each other, as we were friends first and couldn’t lie even if we wanted to, because we know each other so well. But I can see how even though this is giving us both what we need now, it is a slippery slope to falling in love. It’s hard to layer great sex on top of an intimate friendship and not risk falling in love. I think I’ve fallen already and he is trying hard not to. So, I think this may be why we don’t read so many success stories. Love complicates and it is often hard to keep out of the equation. 

Edited by TinyCastle
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Beentheretoooften

Beentheretoooften

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17 hours ago, ElecLibre said:

I have been flirting for less than a year and started having sex a couple of months ago.


hi.   Come talk to us after about another 6 months, and your tune will change 

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ElecLibre

ElecLibre

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On 12/21/2019 at 4:13 PM, TinyCastle said:

Are you married or single?

I'm single, mainly because I would never be able to remain satisfied in long-term relationships, I always enjoyed the beginnings and then couldn't remain interested once things got monotonous. That's why I wasn't too hesitant to jump into this affair since I usually get bored anyway.

It's interesting though to read about  the other experiences, how it goes downhill after the initial "high", I guess the smart move would be to cut it off before feelings get too involved. Thanks for the answers. 

 

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Brennan72

Brennan72

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Does this guy have kids? Or do they not count in this equation?

 

I grew up with a dad who cheated. He had his women on the side who he took on trips, bought expensive gifts for, etc. He thought we didn't know about it, but we did. Mom pretty much drank herself to death in misery over it. 

 

Took a long time for me to get over the attitude that people are inherently unreliable and dishonest. I think you need to consider the impact your actions are having 

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jah526

jah526

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Same, Brennan. Hard not to notice when he left the house reeking of cologne. I’d never seen my mom so devastated. And I was dragged into the middle of it. I never for a second thought he was going to leave. I was just crushed by what he was doing to my mom. It’s a crime against innocent people, some of them children, nothing “positive” about it.

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Irn-bru

Irn-bru

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Sooner or later you will fall in love, might not be this relationship, or the next, but it will happen. Give yourself the best opportunity to find true happiness with someone that’s not attached. 

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mark clemson

mark clemson

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There have been a few other posters in your shoes. So apparently its possible for some folks to be content with the OW role. Perhaps you are one, although as other posters mention time may change that. Also as mentioned, the fact that you are reasonably happy doesn't make it "right".

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Unhappy fool

Unhappy fool

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I think if you can stop yourself ‘catching the feelings’. I thought I was ok. It was a friendship but also filled the physical and emotional gap.  I fell in love, wanted more and now end up crying most days!

 

 

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DKT3

DKT3

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Affairs are never OK, but I believe the biggest problem with women in your situation is delusional thinking,  false illusions of who you've involved with,  and getting competitive with the wife. When these things happen,  before you realize you are stuck, not necessarily love in fact very rarely in love but definitely attached and maybe addicted to the range of emotions. If you avoid those things you could possibly escape relatively unharmed.  But his family will suffer regardless. 

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ElecLibre

ElecLibre

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19 hours ago, Brennan72 said:

Does this guy have kids? Or do they not count in this equation?

 

14 hours ago, Vespil said:

So it's just "too bad for his wife at home", eh?

Yes, he has a son. I understand both your points of view even though I disagree. I have made no commitments to his wife or son so why should I be the one to be held accountable for his actions? 

 

17 hours ago, DKT3 said:

...  and getting competitive with the wife. 

Definitely no competition going on there, if anything she's "winning" because he's made it clear that she comes first.

 

17 hours ago, Unhappy fool said:

I think if you can stop yourself ‘catching the feelings’. I thought I was ok. It was a friendship but also filled the physical and emotional gap.  I fell in love, wanted more and now end up crying most days

 

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you - I hope you can get back from this, stronger than before.

 

I've taken all the feedback constructively, but It's interesting to see how many people are on this forum thread specifically focused on the OW/OM but don't seem to have much empathy for us. Perhaps the people out there enjoying their affairs aren't lurking on this forum I guess ;)

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jah526

jah526

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25 minutes ago, ElecLibre said:

I've taken all the feedback constructively, but It's interesting to see how many people are on this forum thread specifically focused on the OW/OM but don't seem to have much empathy for us. Perhaps the people out there enjoying their affairs aren't lurking on this forum I guess ;)


I have to strongly disagree with the statement that people on this forum don’t have much empathy. When I first posted on here I really thought everyone was going to come down on me. In fact, I experienced exactly the opposite - very compassionate people who opened my eyes and helped me get out of a terrible situation.

 

They just have no tolerance for continuing actions that harm other people. You’re right that you haven’t made a commitment to his wife and child, but you are an accomplice to what he is doing to them.

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JTSW

JTSW

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In all honesty, its difficult to have empathy for a someone who is contributing to the betrayal of an innocent woman and child.

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stillafool

stillafool

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1 hour ago, ElecLibre said:

 

 

I've taken all the feedback constructively, but It's interesting to see how many people are on this forum thread specifically focused on the OW/OM but don't seem to have much empathy for us. Perhaps the people out there enjoying their affairs aren't lurking on this forum I guess ;)

This forum usually tries to help people get out of affairs.  Most here do not support cheating.  There are other forums that condone and support people like yourself.  You just have to google them.  Have you?

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Happy Lemming

Happy Lemming

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On 12/21/2019 at 2:53 AM, ElecLibre said:

It would be nice to read some "positive" stories too!

In my youth, I dated a married woman... It was GREAT!!  So I guess I was the "other man".

 

We were introduced by a mutual friend.  She was in a love-less, sex-less marriage.  Her husband worked all the time and on his days off, all he did was worry about work.  He didn't pay attention to her. 

 

The first time we had sex, she was incredible, it was like someone released a caged beast. In addition to sex, she loved to go out dancing, camping and traveling.  We had so much fun.  She was very adventurous (and so was I). I also didn't want to get married, so being that she was already married; I didn't have to worry about that aspect of the relationship.  She'd often show up at my house -- just to have sex (and she'd bring dinner with her).

 

One time she showed up and I was sanding some drywall, I was covered head to toe in white dust.  I told her I needed to jump in the shower, first.  She quickly joined me in the shower and got things started before we went into the bedroom.  It was very hot primal sex, I'll always remember that encounter.

 

After about 8 months or so, she announced that she was going to give her marriage one last try with her husband and broke up with me.  I was a bit sad, as I really liked the status-quo, but I understood.  Fast-forward 6 months, she called me and had "thrown in the towel" on the marriage. She wanted to get back together.  I was dating someone new and really didn't want to break up with that woman, so I said "no, thank you".  After that, I lost track of her, but I do hope she found happiness with someone.

 

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ElecLibre

ElecLibre

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47 minutes ago, stillafool said:

This forum usually tries to help people get out of affairs. 

Good to know. I'm new here so I guess I'm just trying to figure out where everyone stands, I didn't mean to offend anyone. I like reading about different types of relationships, challenges and outcomes and found it interesting that there was a whole section dedicated solely to the OM/OW. It's surprising how common affairs are considering how "wrong" they are perceived. 

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Happy Lemming

Happy Lemming

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5 minutes ago, ElecLibre said:

@Happy Lemming, Thanks for that story, brought a smile to my face! Good to know that some encounters don't necessarily have to end in despair and tragedy. 

No despair or tragedy... and we got along GREAT!!  We really fit together like "puzzle pieces".

 

She had this fairly powerful 4 wheel drive vehicle and we'd go off road to some desolate part of the back country, pitch a tent, make a fire and talk for hours.  We'd star gaze at the beautiful sky.  One night, a shooting star passed overhead and I said "Oh... quick make a wish" and she turned to me and said "I have everything I want" and kissed me sweetly.

 

We'd go on overnight (and multi-day) trips to various states and explore the natural wonders and hike State Parks.  She had a friend (woman) that would cover for her and tell the husband, it was a "Girl's trip" for the two of them. 

 

Again, we had a lot of fun and really enjoyed each other's company!!

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CautiouslyOptimistic

CautiouslyOptimistic

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2 hours ago, ElecLibre said:

 

Yes, he has a son. I understand both your points of view even though I disagree. I have made no commitments to his wife or son so why should I be the one to be held accountable for his actions? 

 

Just basic human decency.

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BaileyB

BaileyB

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As others have said, these boards are filled with people who have empathy and spend their precious time supporting those who are in need of support.

 

In this case, it’s difficult to have empathy for someone who displays such a callous disregard for the feelings of other people (ie. his wife and child). When you become a little more vulnerable and develop a little more self awareness, your experience on this board will be very different. 

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Happy Lemming

Happy Lemming

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1 minute ago, elaine567 said:

@Happy Lemming

No despair of tragedy for you perhaps...
I guess she and her husband may see things a little differently
 

I don't think the husband really cared... As long as she was out of his hair and not bothering him... he was happiest being at work.

 

As far as her, she initiated the affair.  She approached our mutual friend looking for a guy.  I wasn't looking to date a married woman, but when this opportunity fell into my lap, I jumped on it.  Moreover, she broke it off with me to give her marriage "one last try", it was her choice.  If she suffered despair, it was because she went back (full time) to the husband, who I knew wasn't going to change.

 

You are correct, though... In the end, I suffered no ill will and had some great sex/fun!!

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elaine567

elaine567

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1 minute ago, Happy Lemming said:

I don't think the husband really cared... As long as she was out of his hair and not bothering him... he was happiest being at work.

Plenty guys are workaholics and see themselves as providers first and foremost, doesn't mean they don't care.

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Piddy

Piddy

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I have no empathy for people who cheat.  Bottom line is it's a selfish act that potentially hurts innocent people.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed inappropriate comment.
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