I enjoy being the OW

[jah526]

Well I agree with you on one thing. Regret is a difficult thing to live with. If I could go back and undo what I did, I would. I’m only grateful now that his family wasn’t harmed.

[Timshel]

4 hours ago, Pocket said:

 How could I advise someone to avoid something as wonderful as this experience has been for me? 

 

Edited January 5, 2020 by Timshel

[Hip Pocket]

1 hour ago, jah526 said:

Well I agree with you on one thing. Regret is a difficult thing to live with. If I could go back and undo what I did, I would. I’m only grateful now that his family wasn’t harmed.

My MM’s family has not been harmed either. 

[Prudence V]

19 hours ago, jah526 said:

I’m glad that it worked out for you, but even in your situation, would you encourage a friend who was contemplating getting involved with a married person to do so? 

I couldn’t possibly answer that without knowing the circumstances and the people involved. I don’t believe in “cookie cutter” advice. Context matters. 

[jeff0011]

OP, would you be upset if the married man found another side girl and showed you less attention? 
 

Would you then feel that maybe that man has issues?  
 

aex probably goes down in most marriages  But as humans we control ourselves for the greater good of our children 

I wonder how much time is taken away from his son thinking of and having sex with someone new  

 

 

 

[ElecLibre]

15 hours ago, jeff0011 said:

OP, would you be upset if the married man found another side girl and showed you less attention? 
 

Would you then feel that maybe that man has issues?  
 

aex probably goes down in most marriages  But as humans we control ourselves for the greater good of our children 

I wonder how much time is taken away from his son thinking of and having sex with someone new  

 

 

 

I wouldn't be upset, I'm aware that this is transient and won't last forever. 

The guy definitely has issues, he's no saint in my eyes, and neither am I - I'm not delusional. 

Interestingly, he actually only meets me when his son has other activities going on. He's made it clear that certain days are impossible because that's when his son is home and he won't compromise on that time. 

[jeff0011]

8 hours ago, ElecLibre said:

I wouldn't be upset, I'm aware that this is transient and won't last forever. 

 

I mean if he said something like “hey, I met another girl who I also have sex with. I still like to see you for a half hour a week”

Would you be as interested just to get the sex? Or is there another component of being that special one who can lure him away from his wife? 
 

 

 

Edited January 7, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[ElecLibre]

2 hours ago, jeff0011 said:

Would you be as interested just to get the sex? Or is there another component of being that special one who can lure him away from his wife? 

That's a valid question. I would still be ok with it if he uses protection. Honestly the sex and physical chemistry is amazing but it's perhaps the "forbidden" part which makes it even more exciting, not necessary because I'm "luring" him away, but because it's sharing about sharing a secret together. I had the same feeling many years ago during a FWB situation with one of my good friends. We were both single but we didn't want the rest of our friends group to treat us as a couple so we just kept it secret and it gave me such a thrill. 

[2BGoodAgain]

hm.... having gotten out of a 12+yr affair.....

i gotta tell you, we started out honestly... we didn't keep each other out of the dark, the sex was great, the connection.. everything.... was better than expected.... we knew our boundaries and we supplemented what we didn't have in our own lives with each other....  but humans overcomplicate.... well, everything. lol. even affairs that start off "honest" where all the cards are on the table... with set ground rules and expectations....

and yes...  there ARE exceptions to every rule... but you can't make most life decisions based on the exception... at least, you shouldn't... lol.

the point being... we started off great... and it lasted YEARS... but the funny thing is... people change over time... either one person or both... and the relationship those two people have with their relationship partner(s)... and the needs/wants change... and over the years... what your AP won't realize until too late... is that the intimacy he shares with you, it changes you both... short term, but more importantly over long term... and while you both change, his relationship partner won't change with him... to a point where suddenly, he may find that what he thought was static... isn't really static at all... and he can't go back to it... and that's just ONE scenario... of this affair affecting one or both of you sideways... I'm sure there are dozens here who can tell you from a cheaters' point of view, the consequences of their actions/inaction...

also... the funny thing about relationships... even love affairs (which is odd, since not all start off involving "love").... is that the heart is always involved... somehow... and the heart isn't logical, or fair....  if you've read all about affairs on here... whether 1x, or a few weeks, months, years... is that they all end. let me rephrase, most end. a very very few end up into another relationship and of those relationships... very very very very few end up going further... kudos to them, if they can do it, btw... 

so enjoy it while it lasts.... not saying this as a threat... it's the best feeling, b/c that's what it is... a feeling... a satisfaction... but feelings involve the heart... and the heart... well, you've read where that goes....

Good luck to you!

Edited January 7, 2020 by 2BGoodAgain

[Poppy47]

On 1/4/2020 at 11:56 PM, elaine567 said:

It is not as black and white as that, true, but you were a "successful"  OW who finally got her man,  your experiences are not the same as many of the other OWs posting here, other OWs who are not as "lucky" as you were with your choice of MM.
Some MM are looking for a new wife, some are very unhappy in their marriages and WILL leave, some fall madly and deeply in love and mean every word they say...
Some OWs are perfectly happy being #2...  
BUT most of the OWs posting here are not in that position. If they were, they would not be tearing their hair out, crying their eyes out and feeling desperate and depressed.
They are stuck with MM who take them for granted, who willingly hurt them, who are at best "selfish", if not actually "sociopathic".
These woman are not happy being #2, they want happy endings and focused attention from men who are in no position to offer them much at all.
These stories are usually very predictable and they do not tend to lead to "happy ever afters"...

That's true Elaine.  However, these unhappy wailing OW are not physically chained or in any way obliged to the MM. They are perfectly free to walk away and turn their back on the misery if they choose. There are millions of single, attractive , available men out there. I am saying , if the OW choose to stay miserable , then it is on their own heads. That was me for a lot of years.  It was a steep learning curve never to be forgotten.

Poppy.

ps You have been a long time contributor.

[leisureboyssecret]

On 12/21/2019 at 4:53 AM, ElecLibre said:

I've been reading though this forum to get an idea of other people's experiences in affairs, and it seems that there are many women who feel negatively about being the OW. My MM and I have been flirting for less than a year and started having sex a couple of months ago. He never pretends that he doesn't love his wife and he has always said that he would not leave his family so it's been very clear from day 1. I am satisfied with this situation - I love the moments we share and I'm happy not having to commit to him to enjoy his company. Are there others on this forum who have similar experiences? It would be nice to read some "positive" stories too!

 I too have been seeing someone who is attached.  He lives with his gf....we have flirted and have had ongoing sexual banter now for two years.  In Oct we finally had sex. It was amazing and made me want more...he is amazing and I give it right back.  Since then we have been seeing each other regularly.  This last week we spent two nights together for the first time and it was intense. I have no problem being the OW because I do not have the commitment, we get to enjoy eachother and I believe if it were to go to the step of a relationship it would ruin it. I work with him so I see him daily and we have our lil glances and such. Lunch dates..hugs...touches....kisses...it is extremely passionate....we are both one time divorced and we are both in early 50's ....I do think of the gf because I know her but I also know he isn't happy....now I probably would never want a relationship with him because he even cheated while he was married and yall know what they say...once a cheater always a cheater...however...ya never know....now while I was married for 23 yrs I never cheated...I was a faithful wife...I care for him a lot and we truly enjoy each other....I could say we are both happy with our set up and I will be involved for as long as it goes....I AM the Secret!  

[Miss Clavel]

On 12/21/2019 at 4:53 AM, ElecLibre said:

I've been reading though this forum to get an idea of other people's experiences in affairs, and it seems that there are many women who feel negatively about being the OW. My MM and I have been flirting for less than a year and started having sex a couple of months ago. He never pretends that he doesn't love his wife and he has always said that he would not leave his family so it's been very clear from day 1. I am satisfied with this situation - I love the moments we share and I'm happy not having to commit to him to enjoy his company. Are there others on this forum who have similar experiences? It would be nice to read some "positive" stories too!

i'm positive. that you will be held responsible when his wife finds out. and you will hardly feel your lack of gravity as you go flying under the bus. big time.

in order to avoid that ugliness. you had better be inspector gadget discreet. burner phones, cash transcriptions, matching colognes, soaps, liquor and smokes.

and, protect yourself. financially and physically. no lending money, no pregnancy, no stds, no shared house keys. no visits to his "bed".

enjoy it while it lasts. we will leave the light on for you.

 

 

[Miss Clavel]

On 1/4/2020 at 7:56 AM, elaine567 said:

It is not as black and white as that, true, but you were a "successful"  OW who finally got her man,  your experiences are not the same as many of the other OWs posting here, other OWs who are not as "lucky" as you were with your choice of MM.
Some MM are looking for a new wife, some are very unhappy in their marriages and WILL leave, some fall madly and deeply in love and mean every word they say...
Some OWs are perfectly happy being #2...  

These stories are usually very predictable and they do not tend to lead to "happy ever afters"...

my ex murdered me and his only child. to get away and be with his "soul-mate". they were together for eight years, during my marriage and after our divorce.

he left his soulmate not long after and married someone else.

after eight years the poor woman hasn't got her soulmate. omg. i almost feel sorry for her.

 

 

Edited January 13, 2020 by Miss Clavel

[Prudence V]

9 hours ago, Miss Clavel said:

my ex murdered me and his only child.

This is the ghost 👻 posting ? 

[Hip Pocket]

30 minutes ago, Prudence V said:

This is the ghost 👻 posting ? 

I’m wondering too. 
 

My exH did a lot of bad things to me but I can’t call him a murderer. 

[stillafool]

Wow Miss Clavel that is some story.  I wonder how many OW here who ended up with their MM would feel the same way about cheating if he suddenly decided to get another OW.  I imagine they would understand and have no problem with it.

[mark clemson]

Believe it's called metaphor...

[Miss Clavel]

 

16 hours ago, Pocket said:

My exH did a lot of bad things to me but I can’t call him a murderer. 

lucky you.

Edited January 14, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[jeff0011]

On 12/21/2019 at 3:53 AM, ElecLibre said:

I've been reading though this forum to get an idea of other people's experiences in affairs, and it seems that there are many women who feel negatively about being the OW. My MM and I have been flirting for less than a year and started having sex a couple of months ago. He never pretends that he doesn't love his wife and he has always said that he would not leave his family so it's been very clear from day 1. I am satisfied with this situation - I love the moments we share and I'm happy not having to commit to him to enjoy his company. Are there others on this forum who have similar experiences? It would be nice to read some "positive" stories too!

I think when many people do something wrong they tend to trivialize it.  “Well it’s a big store with insurance.  Who is harmed by shoplifting?” Etc. 

I don’t think it is anything new for some people to enjoy being the affair partner.  

I dated one girl who was beautiful.  Smart. Funny. Etc. Seemingly the perfect catch.  Into our relationship I found out in her past she dated married men. After a few months I could see why. 

She wasn’t able to form a bond with a member of the opposite sex. If she was in a one on one relationship she was totally insecure, needy, and had little to offer beyond sex.  

She  led me to research BPD and she checked many of the boxes. Narcissistic.  Lack of boundaries. Empty.  Thrill seeking. Some sociopathic traits , short term thinking , spontaneous,Impulsive  etc. Once researching BPD you would find affairs , or being the affair partner was extremely common. Almost 100 percent. 

 She could be the perfect affair partner for someone(Amazing in bed And great company) , but totally lacked if someone wanted a real partner. She would often times destroy a family . Sometimes by accident, to then have no interest In the man anyway.  

I think universally almost everyone can agree it is clearly wrong to knowingly enter into an affair. But of course it can be justified or trivialized, while also being enjoyable for certain types. 

It seems to be similar with the OP.  Getting “bored” in a relationship, trivializing , the exciting part is the thrill of doing something wrong etc. 

So you might not get a lot of people with a different personality type to understand or see it the way you do, if your mind is wired differently. 

Edited January 14, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
fix spacing

[2BGoodAgain]

2 hours ago, jeff0011 said:

I think when many people do something wrong they tend to trivialize it.  “Well it’s a big store with insurance.  Who is harmed by shoplifting?” Etc. 

I don’t think it is anything new for some people to enjoy being the affair partner.  

I dated one girl who was beautiful.  Smart. Funny. Etc. Seemingly the perfect catch.  Into our relationship I found out in her past she dated married men. After a few months I could see why. 

She wasn’t able to form a bond with a member of the opposite sex. If she was in a one on one relationship she was totally insecure, needy, and had little to offer beyond sex.  

She  led me to research BPD and she checked many of the boxes. Narcissistic.  Lack of boundaries. Empty.  Thrill seeking. Some sociopathic traits , short term thinking , spontaneous,Impulsive  etc. Once researching BPD you would find affairs , or being the affair partner was extremely common. Almost 100 percent. 

 She could be the perfect affair partner for someone(Amazing in bed And great company) , but totally lacked if someone wanted a real partner. She would often times destroy a family . Sometimes by accident, to then have no interest In the man anyway.  

I think universally almost everyone can agree it is clearly wrong to knowingly enter into an affair. But of course it can be justified or trivialized, while also being enjoyable for certain types. 

It seems to be similar with the OP.  Getting “bored” in a relationship, trivializing , the exciting part is the thrill of doing something wrong etc. 

So you might not get a lot of people with a different personality type to understand or see it the way you do, if your mind is wired differently. 

Interesting.....

I can't say I disagree with the above... the statistical side of me has to interject that not everyone is like this, b/c statistically, there's always the exception/outliner... but having said that, I'd have to say my AP lost complete interest once she had everything from me... and moved on to the next thrill.... and this was a 12year A. 

it is sometimes quite inspiring/despairing to realize the underlining motivations that sometimes move us human beings... movies/music/culture define that indescribable pull of another person as love, something mystically powerful, destiny, fate... and yet it could be something as simple/complex as a personality disorder.. 

it impresses me yet depresses me... 

what is love then? I've been asking this many times, as much as my head knowledge could describe dozens of scenarios and concepts... my heart has been asking this a lot lately...what is love then?

[Prudence V]

On 1/7/2020 at 3:07 PM, ElecLibre said:

it's sharing about sharing a secret together.

You could always keep things fresh by binding yourselves through sharing other secrets. Perhaps start small before moving on to something big league, like committing the perfect murder? But resist the temptation to bump off the BW, as that would be traced back to you pretty quickly. 🤣

[Tristian]

36 posts deleted this go round.

Those looking to discuss the morality of infidelity or their personal opinions on those that find themselves in that sort of relationship  are encouraged to do so in an appropriate thread, or if need be they can start their own in the appropriate forum.