My ex texted a year later and I don’t know if I should reply if I want her back

[triforce21]

so my ex texted me a year later and i don’t know what to think

i haven’t talked to my ex girlfriend in over a year and out of the blue she texts me this:

(LENGTHY READ)

“heyy, 
um ik it’s late and out of the blue and my bad if this makes you feel upset or anything but i just wanted to tell you that im sorry for how everything turned out i know that i hurt you and broke a lot of promise and i am truly sorry like i mean that with my whole my heart,  i really do care about you and i wish you the best in everything you do. you deserve to be happy and so much more!! i know i could’ve done everything differently but i let my insecurities get the best of me and ruin an amazing thing. i do this thing where i try to hurt myself before anyone else can cause i thought it would hurt less. im not trying to make excuses or make myself sound like the victim or anything i just thought i should tell you why i did what i did. im telling you all this because first of all you deserve an apology and it’s something i’ve been wanting to get off my chest for a while. you are such a great person with an amazing heart and soul and im glad i had the chance to have you in my life. so thank you for making me want to become a better person and im sorry for everything i did wrong. “

I feel as this is an empty apology to be honest.

Also just days before she indirectly tweeted about me saying “can i go back to when you counted our shoulders?” 

i know that’s corny but that was specifically a thing i did to get her into me 

anyway it’s like why send me this text and not mention you missing me but then go on twitter and do that

[Marc878]

This is all for her. No response needed.

[Marc878]

If it were me I'd just block her.

[preraph]

Doesn't sound like she's trying to get back together. It just sounds like she realized more her part in it. of course that does not mean she's a different person now or has control over that part of her that keeps sabotaging. 

 

Decades later I had a talk with one of my exes just to let him know that I knew I had some part in it not working out too. I have had a recent horrendous breakup in betrayal and then gone to work in the same office with that guy and I was just overwhelmed and thinking a lot more about that then the guy who was trying to be my boyfriend. So I just wanted to let him know because we were friends before we were anything else. 

 

But then not too long after that I just kept remembering stuff and wished I hadn't said anything because yes I had a part in it, but the truth is I tried to tell him it wasn't a good time and he knew I had been through a trauma and he just didn't want to hear any of it. So I happened to mention that to a friend of his over lunch and I'm sure have got back to him and pissed him off real good. 

 

You break up for reasons.

[The Outlaw]

It isn't uncommon, but she may have just felt guilty. I heard from mine a few months after she had ghosted me and I wasn't going to have it, but I called her after she begged me to only to hang up on her when I realized I'd had a more interesting conversation with the wall. Just don't respond. It's better that way. If you do, you'll just delay the healing process if it was a rough break up. She's made her bed, and now she can sleep in it. Let her go.  

[FMW]

For some reason she just needed to let you know what she was thinking.  Unfortunately it's probably a little unsettling to you and makes you start thinking about and questioning things that are over and done.  Try to just let it go and don't let her get into your head.    

[schlumpy]

Apology accepted. Have a nice life.

[elaine567]

On 12/22/2019 at 1:18 AM, triforce21 said:

I feel as this is an empty apology to be honest.

 

It is not an empty apology, it sounds honest and heart felt.
BUT if you were looking to get back together with her, she is not giving any indication that she wants that to happen.

[PinkFlamingo]

Not sure where all the negativity from the other posters come from (although it has given me a glimps into the general mindset of people), but I think she sounded sincere and I don't read any bad intentions in her mail. She seems to understand she messed up and that she hurt your feelings. I'm not sure what more you expected. A year has passed and it is very possible that you had moved on, maybe even have a girlfriend. How weird would it be if out of nowhere she showed up with a love declaration? It is possible that she wants to get back to you, but how is she supposed to do that? If I were here, the first thing I would do, is offer a sincere apology and see how it goes from there. If you still like her, send her some words of acknowledgement and see how it goes from there. If it turns out that she is not interested in you, then cut off contact again, otherwise you might miss out a chance.

[otj287]

On 12/23/2019 at 11:30 AM, PinkFlamingo said:

Not sure where all the negativity from the other posters come from (although it has given me a glimps into the general mindset of people), but I think she sounded sincere and I don't read any bad intentions in her mail. She seems to understand she messed up and that she hurt your feelings. I'm not sure what more you expected. A year has passed and it is very possible that you had moved on, maybe even have a girlfriend. How weird would it be if out of nowhere she showed up with a love declaration? It is possible that she wants to get back to you, but how is she supposed to do that? If I were here, the first thing I would do, is offer a sincere apology and see how it goes from there. If you still like her, send her some words of acknowledgement and see how it goes from there. If it turns out that she is not interested in you, then cut off contact again, otherwise you might miss out a chance.

I agree.  I think sometimes people might be fishing to see what kind of response they get, but I also don't believe someone that pops up a year later is going to apologize AND ask to be let back into the person's life that they hurt.  I think it's going to be more of the apology, like we see, and then wait to see what you reply with.  If you don't reply, you likely won't hear from her.  If you are considering a possible reconciliation or at least breaking the no-contact, you can simply thank them for the apology and say it means a lot to you.  You don't have to invite them out or anything like that, but simply not answering may not be the best option if you do wish that you had some form of contact (which is what I suspect that you would consider).

[Mrin]

Seems heartfelt to me. If I were you (and assuming she didn't boil your bunny or slash your tires) I would reply: "hey thanks. I appreciate it and wish the best for you too."

End it at that. Don't respond if she texts back. 

Also - stop following her on social media! It is bad for you. 

[JTSW]

She's not looking to get back with you.

Just clearing the air.