Why do younger guys like to hook up with older women where older guys like younger women?

[Metsgal]

Seems like younger guys (ages 20-28) are into older women, but only when it comes to hooking up/causal fling, where older men probably around 35 and older are into younger women in their 20's for obvious reasons. Like the whole young guy =older women kind of goes back to that school boy crush for the "hot" older teacher that type of thing. But is only for sex , not for like anything serious EVER. I mean, its not socially acceptable for a young guy to even commit to a woman who is 12-18 years older than him. Where older men 40 plus will most likely marry the 22 year old woman. Does anyone else see that? And no body else has a problem with it. Men will always have the upper hand

Edited December 22, 2019 by Metsgal

[basil67]

Perhaps older women are more sensible about the issues such an age mismatch will bring?   (half joking)

 

In all seriousness though, I really don't see this going on.  I'm 50 and in the last 30 years I've known only three younger women who were with older men.   One was just a fling.  One married an older man when she was probably late 20's.   The last married young but was heading for divorce because she grew out of the man-child she'd married.  

 

How many women under the age of 25 do you know who've married old men?  Is it truly a thing?

[chillii]

Younger women can be very different to younger men. They can be incredibly mature and just slip straight into a married or family lifestyle and responsibility. And many love older guys l don't care what anyone says l'm not rich nor drive fancy cars they've always loved me.

Mind you , def' plenty of gold diggers after a bit of prestige out there to though

Guys on the other hand , most guys play a lot longer and later before they mature and when they do they want  someone their age or younger not only for obvious reasons but to have a family too.

And that's also another thing with older guys guys often make a much better dad with age, l know l was and my dad was too, plus they'll be more stable and mature with age

Edited December 22, 2019 by chillii

[ironpony]

Well when I was in my 20s I would hook up with women in their 30s and even 40s.  The reason, why is because if I wanted just to hook up, women that age seem more comfortable with the whole fwb idea compared to women in their 20s.  Older women are just more free when it comes to casual sex, in my experience.  I assume that is why other guys like older women as well?

[alphamale]

5 hours ago, Metsgal said:

Seems like younger guys (ages 20-28) are into older women, but only when it comes to hooking up/causal fling, where older men probably around 35 and older are into younger women in their 20's for obvious reasons. Like the whole young guy =older women kind of goes back to that school boy crush for the "hot" older teacher that type of thing. But is only for sex , not for like anything serious EVER. I mean, its not socially acceptable for a young guy to even commit to a woman who is 12-18 years older than him. Where older men 40 plus will most likely marry the 22 year old woman. Does anyone else see that? And no body else has a problem with it. Men will always have the upper hand

I don't see many 45 year old men with 22 year old girls.  most people want to date/marry people within their age range

[thefooloftheyear]

Generally speaking, some younger guys like to "hook up" with older women as they see them as potentially an easy mark, and many older women wont put a younger guy through hoops if its just about sex....There are also the types that may have a stepmom or teacher/student type of fetish...

As some have mentioned there are certainly enough younger women that deliberately seek out older men for marriage/relationships for it not to be considered freaky or out of the realm of normal too much...I have several couples in my circle that have around 15-20 years age difference and seem as happy as any other couple...The reasons are many, mostly because many women place a high value on stability and security, features most older guys have over younger ones...Due to societal changes women now mature FAR earlier than their male counterparts...Additionally, its no longer the 1950's/60's where a 50 year old guy was considered "old"....heck thinking of my dad at my age now, he had already had 2 heart surgeries, arthritic knees, and just really looked much older than I do and could never do the types of things I readily do on a daily basis...Guys are taking far better care of themselves than at any other time in my memory..

And lastly, fair or unfair, its just more socially acceptable...I don't care how much society has changed, it still raises an eyebrow when you see a much younger guy with an older woman in a conventional relationship...Conversely, no one bats much of an eye when its the opposite, unless its something crazy like when Anna Nicole Smith was paired with that rich old geezer...It was pretty obvious what was going on there...

 

TFY

[FMW]

I'm 54 and my friends and I are often approached by younger guys - most of us assume it's for uncomplicated sex, and most of us aren't particularly flattered or interested.  We're also not bothered by it or see anything unfair about it.  It just is.    

 

Even the older women I know that do respond to the attention from younger guys do so for the ego boost and sex with a hard-body that doesn't have any performance issues.  They aren't looking for a meaningful relationship, so everybody gets what they want - no harm, no foul.

 

So no, I have no problem with it and I most certainly do not think that men always have the upper hand.  Women have a lot of control, but sometimes they don't have the confidence to recognize it.  Or alternatively abuse it (which I think also shows a lack of confidence) and make it hard for all of us by leaving men feeling burned and bitter.   

 

[preraph]

I have so many younger guys always after me. I kept all but one in the friend zone. The one I didn't leave in the friend zone we adored each other but we both knew the age gap and life goals were going to be different, but we had a 10 year acquaintance that was romantic with both of us leading our own lives at the same time.  

 

To be frank, my experience scared him. And that wasn't really the attraction. We just really liked each other. 

[mark clemson]

As young women are more attractive to men (speaking very generally of course) there is more competition for them. I suspect some of what's driving this is young men looking for where there is less intense competition as well as (as has been stated) women who are more easily comfortable with/amenable to sex.

 

Women (again speaking very generally) are less focused solely on physical attributes, so things like maturity, social skills, and resources can "impress" young women to the point where a relationship seems worthwhile.

 

I think it's especially true for beta, overweight, and/or less attractive younger women. They are often being passed over by their age-peers in the mad rush for the "hot" top 20% of younger women looks/physique-wise . But to a single middle aged man, a "just ok" 28 year old might look quite good relative to 45+ year old women. Also they may have gone through multiple pregnant partners some "overweight" isn't such a big deal anymore. So he gets a "hot young thing" and she gets to "bag a real men". Validating for both of them and so a win-win.

Edited December 22, 2019 by mark clemson

[chillii]

Another more obvious reason with younger guys is that older women are much easier to get , desperate guys that can't get anyone their own age usually know if things get too tight they can resort to someone older if they have too.  That might be the same for some younger women too , dunno.

Edited December 23, 2019 by chillii

[PRW]

They are looking for a new mommy, and older women remind them more of their mother than ones their own ages.

[Brennan72]

My wife is 4 years older than me, so I was one of those guys who ended up with an older woman. I couldn't connect to girls much younger than myself, since I found them immature, flighty, and unreliable. 

[Super Phantom]

Every so often men go for the low hanging fruit. It's life. All of us as human love the path of least resistance

[elaine567]

IME hot young women looking for older guys are usually gold diggers, looking for an easier life, or women spoiled by their own father, so she seeks out Daddy number two to spoil her.
Some younger women are not considered that desirable to younger men, and they struggle, so finding an older guy desperate to hook a  young women may suit them both.

The women I knew who deliberately sought out older guys for ,realtionships, were either "hot" gold diggers using their youth to snare a rich older guy or they were "strugglers" desperate to find a man, any man and a older guy was easier to get.

[Ellener]

Young men who have hit on me it was for sex but of course it's unlikely to be a relationship, most would not have the true self-confidence to be seen out and about with an older woman and oh the emotional maturity aspect, if I want to feel irritated by flippant over-general comments I'll go have lunch with my son! 🤨 

 

I'm thinking of a man I met a couple of years ago as I write that, I'm sure he'll be lovely in about twenty years 😀 We were very sweet to each other though and he was just what I needed at that time! 

 

I tend to like older men because they have the emotional maturity and wisdom I admire, and in their conversation and gestures etc they reveal all their younger selves anyway if that makes sense...

[2.50 a gallon]

At age 35 I married a 22 year old.  My thinking was the world was full of beautiful women, and if I have to chose just one, why not marry the hottest and sexiest one.  She was well proportioned and still firm.

It lasted a whole 6 months

[central]

7 hours ago, elaine567 said:

IME hot young women looking for older guys are usually gold diggers, looking for an easier life, or women spoiled by their own father, so she seeks out Daddy number two to spoil her.
Some younger women are not considered that desirable to younger men, and they struggle, so finding an older guy desperate to hook a  young women may suit them both.

The women I knew who deliberately sought out older guys for ,realtionships, were either "hot" gold diggers using their youth to snare a rich older guy or they were "strugglers" desperate to find a man, any man and a older guy was easier to get.

In my experience, this is largely true re: the gold diggers. On some dating sites I've tried, almost all the young women looking at or contacting me are often hookers (I can block 95% of them by setting 31 as a minimum age to message me).

 

On the other hand, I've known a handful of successful long-term relationships where there is a 20+ year age gap (older man, younger woman - none the other way in my experience). I've had a couple such LT relationships myself. When there is genuine attraction, shared interests, and mutual respect, it is a normal relationship with no gold-digger or daddy-issue undertones. These may be outliers on the Bell curve/normal distribution, but that alone does not make them wrong, just less common. Older men need to be cautious and realistic about the intentions of these younger women as most are not truly interested in them as people and romantic partners. Few older men can actually "prey" upon younger women, unless they are famous or rich. They may want younger women, but most who respond are actually using these men - not vice versa.

Edited December 25, 2019 by central

[carhill]

For myself, it was two-fold, dating or asking out older women, like 35-45 when I was around 30.

One, they seemed to be more sexually aggressive, not to the point of jumping me but more sexual in their behavior, and honest about it. They knew what gave them pleasure and liked it.

Two, in my demographic, that was the age group getting divorces as single (unmarried/divorced/no-LTR) women were a premium commodity unless a person went fishing in the high school gym. I related in another thread asking out a woman who was in her late 30's when I was 29, having known her awhile. That wasn't unusual. She had that mature sexual air about her and, yup, was freshly split from her H. Another more socially/financially robust guy snapped her up and she was married within a year. That was pretty normal.

 

ETA, now over twice that age, I've no really interest in much younger women. A couple years younger, mid-late 50's, maybe. The rest, pretty like a painting on the wall but holds no real oomph for me. Perhaps that's a different psychology than most older men but it is how I see the world.

Edited December 25, 2019 by carhill

[spiderowl]

There are a lot of young guys out there looking for older women. I assume they are just looking for sex and comfort though many claim they want a relationship too.  Personally, I don't believe them.  What I find strange is that there are so many and that each of them seems to think they are the only one who is seeking an older woman.  Again, I find this hard to believe.

[PRW]

12 hours ago, spiderowl said:

There are a lot of young guys out there looking for older women. I assume they are just looking for sex and comfort though many claim they want a relationship too.  Personally, I don't believe them.  What I find strange is that there are so many and that each of them seems to think they are the only one who is seeking an older woman.  Again, I find this hard to believe.

 

I think they just want a new mommy.

....or they have been watching too much internet porn with the cultural hype of the whole MILF & Cougar thing.

 

I don't put a lot of stock in what they "say" they want. People in that situation will say whatever they think they need to say to get what they want.  It is a narcissistic/pragmatic society.

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

The sugar mama culture is definitely alive and well.

 

Personally, I enjoy having an older woman around because she is DTF but is also not really looking for a relationship either. Older women that actually want date to younger guys openly usually have a ton of money, so as a young man, operating within this system is very simplistic: Women that want to date you will do social things with you first, where as women that want to bang you will bang you... There is not this middle ground that exists when you meet some woman your own age for coffee and your both trying to navigate towards common interests and topics of conversation. 

 

As men, we are simple creatures, so why is it a surprise that we like simple things? I would love if a woman my age made things simple, but its just not how it goes... She looks bad and feels bad if its simple and I don't care enough to avoid making her feel bad, its pretty much that simple.

[DKT3]

I didn't read all the responses so I'm sure I'm repeating. 

 

Younger guys like older women for a couple reasons.  Matching sex drives. Women tend to enter their sexual peaks around 40, 40 year old men are slowing down.  Older women are usually more intune with their bodies and what they enjoy, they carry the confidence to tell you what they like, but more importantly what they dont like. And lastly,  just like younger women,  younger men find older women more established and maybe able to lend them a hand both with $$$ and wisdom.

 

Of course many young men simply like willing woman,  18-80.

[basil67]

I had the hots for a very much younger guy once.   Would loved to have had him in my bed, as long as he didn't speak.

[PRW]

On 12/27/2019 at 11:34 PM, CAPSLOCK BANDIT said:

Women that want to date you will do social things with you first, where as women that want to bang you will bang you... There is not this middle ground that exists when you meet some woman your own age for coffee and your both trying to navigate towards common interests and topics of conversation.

Most of these "older women" are younger than me.  🙂

But I met one "older" one two nights ago that was 60 (I'm not 60 yet) and looked like she was in still college,...no exaggeration .  If I saw her in a Tinder profile and it said she was 60 I would have reported it as a fake profile.  She's the widow of an Investment Broker. Said she raced sailboats if I heard her correctly over the loud band at the venue we were at.

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

4 hours ago, PRW said:

Most of these "older women" are younger than me.  🙂

But I met one "older" one two nights ago that was 60 (I'm not 60 yet) and looked like she was in still college,...no exaggeration .  If I saw her in a Tinder profile and it said she was 60 I would have reported it as a fake profile.  She's the widow of an Investment Broker. Said she raced sailboats if I heard her correctly over the loud band at the venue we were at.

Looks dont accumulate interest unfortunately.