[Update] Ex-girlfriend finally came back

[Vincenator]

But I have long since moved on to someone better, ha.

This is going to be an update to my story that I hope will help some of you out here, because I know these kind of stories helped me when I was hurting. 

 

I went through my first break-up in Jan 2016, my freshman year of college, and I was in a lot of pain - just look through my post history. I kept over-analyzing what went wrong, how I could get my ex back, etc. I know most people here would not recommend getting back with an ex, but it was something I really wanted at the time. I never admit it in my posts, but my end goal was to get her back. I told myself how good we were for each other, how we never fought or argued, how great we had it, etc. I was literally Googling and digging old forum posts here for reconciliation success stories and convincing myself how we met all the criteria. I worked out, got a new haircut, got new fresh clothes and overall improved myself over the course of several months for the wrong reason of trying to win her back. I gave myself 1 year to completely transform myself, and I did.

 

A year later, I was a new person. I was the person my ex fell for, but even better. But... the rose-colored glasses fell off. Looking back at it, the relationship was not what I thought. It was full of my ex always putting me down, saying I'm too clingy and boring. It was full of her trying to get me into her interests, but paying no attention to mine. It was plagued with her making her problems into mine. It wasn't a healthy relationship at all. The very reason why I thought we were a good couple was actually a symptom of why our relationship was doomed - the fact we never argued or fought was just a result of me letting her step all over me. In the end, we were not compatible and that's okay. 

 

With that, I gave up my pursuit. Just in time too, because literally the day after me and my ex broke up, I met someone who would be my loving partner in a now currently ~2.5 year long relationship. I was too wrecked in the immediate aftermath of the breakup to notice her, but we became friends in the months to follow. The transformation I went through was something she saw and fell for, and I didn't miss the signs coming from her. Around the 1 year mark of the breakup, ~Jan 2017, I remember asking myself: "Am I really going to drop my ex and pursue someone else now?". I legitimately felt a lot of weight lifted off my shoulders when I realized my answer was yes.

 

We got to know each other better and in Summer 2017, we became official and have been ever since. This relationship has truly highlighted all the wrongs in my previous relationship with my ex. And I guess once my ex found out a few months later, she initiated contact with me again. Asking me how I've been, etc. My ex asked to catch up over coffee and I accepted. There, I felt nothing. I've truly moved on. But my ex following that coffee encounter became excessive and clingy herself. I kept it professional and friendly, but I guess once my ex realized I was over it, she blocked me... Oh well. I feel no emotions whatsoever about it, not sadness or anger. And I think that's the clearest sign you can get that you've moved on. 

 

Anyways, from this story of mine, I truly feel like that breakup was actually a huge blessing for me. Looking back at it now, I am so glad it happened. Without it, I would have never gotten the chance to meet my current partner. She is truly the best - she supports my interests and I support hers. We motivate each other to be better people without putting each other down. We solve problems together. She completely turned my college experience for the better and I am happy to say, we've graduated summa cum laude and walked on stage together this past year. We've both landed dream jobs and are planning to move in together soon. I can honestly say that I would not have succeeded as well as I did these past few years without her support. Now, THAT is how a relationship should be. 

 

Along the way, the key lessons I've learned were:

 

1. Sometimes you and your partner just aren't compatible and that's okay. Your partner is their own person and so are you, so you shouldn't have to change yourself to make them like you.

 

2. Once the trust is gone in a relationship, it's near impossible to get it back. For this reason, getting back with an ex is hopeless. Believe me because me and my ex kept getting back together before the final breakup. Each time, the thought "When is she going to break-up with me again?" kept popping up in my head. The only time you should ever get back with an ex is when you've both moved on and became completely different people before reconciling. 

 

3. Breakups can destroy you, but they can also be your greatest motivator. You don't have to be actively pursuing people, but by being active, sociable, healthy, interesting, goal-oriented, etc., you WILL draw people to you, including potential partners. With all the free time you get following the end of a relationship, that is the perfect time to develop your hobbies and get fit to become an active/sociable/healthy/interesting person. 

 

4. People say a relationship should be 50/50 effort for both partners. It really should be 70/30 - except both partners are trying to be the 70.

 

5. It's better to be single than to be in an unhealthy relationship.

 

6. Times may seem grim, but they WILL get better and often in really unexpected ways. Don't think of your break-up as the end of something, think of it as the start of something new and better. 

 

 

And that's a very condensed version of my life these past few years. I would just like to thank everyone here who've helped me go through my dark times and helped me pull through. And I'm sure everyone here will be able to find a happy ending, even if it seems really grim at the moment - because I know for me, I never would have thought this is where I would be in life right now. 

 

Edited December 22, 2019 by Vincenator

[TeddyBundy1993]

That's actually a huge success. With what I have observed when a women breaks up it is nearly impossible that she would return back to her ex. You are a lucky chap. Not only your ex would regret loosing you but dwell over her decision for a long time. Life is really funny it takes away someone when we need them and when we dont feel for them anymore life brings them back pffff. Good luck and merry xmas to you OP.