sadboy123 Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 Hi everyone, I'm in a recent relationship (barely 2 months, but we're official, I've met her family and stuff) and I'm already looking for some opinions and advice on what's happening here. We're both students (m19 and f21) living in neighbor cities (approx. 30min by car from my place to hers) so we're close enough to see each other every weekend but not much more than that since we're both pretty busy. While developping our sex life, we soon found out that she is a lot more experienced than me in bed. Although I have a pretty reasonable engine size, I find it very hard to satisfy my girlfriend properly (due mainly to lack of experience and stress I suppose, but my use of antidepressants doesn't help either) and she's been complaining more and more about it, unintentionally making me feel bad about myself, but I remained calm, even helped her pay for a vibrator to give me some time off. Last week, while talking on the phone, we ''randomly'' stumbled onto the subject of open relationships. I was kind of upset at first when she said she thinks it's really interesting, however after an argument I agreed to give it a thought. This last weekend I made a lot of improvement in bed, I mean nothing spectacular, but it was still a lot better than our usual ''few minutes sex and finish with the fingers'' routine. I indeed trained during the week, following exercise instructions from my doctor, and succeeded to maintain my errection for longer (not that much but still an improvement) while also putting alot of tongue and fingers, making her cum a few times during the weekend. However, afterwards when I asked about her satisfaction, she seemed hardly impressed, again complaining and saying that in the whole year she was single, she never looked for sex so now that she can have it, she wants more than that. I thought the idea of seeing someone else flew away after my recent improvements but it seems not because we're again discussing about it. She is shoving it down my throat more and more, now she makes it almost feel like it's a condition to pursue the relationship. I feel humiliated and crushed, but I love her and she is the first one with whom I'm really serious and commited (on her part she had a lot of serious boyfriends before). It also bugs me that she is never clear about what she wants from me. She says that she never got her orgasms from penetration, so well we do lots of oral and I make her reach clitoral orgasms, but then she complains that I don't give her enough penetration because of my difficulty to maintain an errection. All of this is so confusing to me. I don't know if I should crush my own pride to make my loved one happy, and let her see someone else for the time being until I improve to her liking. She said it wouldn't impact our sex life and that it would be temporary and that she would dump the side-lover as soon as I've fixed my problems (because she supposedly has no problems separating sex and love life). I'd also be free to meet someone else from time to time, so there's that. What do you people think you'd do if you were in my shoes and really in love with that person? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 If you're not happy with her 'open relationship' suggestion then you need to tell her straight that you feel crushed by it. Tell her that is not what you want because of how much you love her and the thought of her with someone else really hurts you. You need to be completely honest with her. Unfortunately antidepressants can lower the libido. It's happening to me (i'm female). I still really enjoy sex with my husband but it takes a long time for me to orgasm, if at all. But it's OK. Her suggestion has filled you with anxiety and put you under allot of pressure which in turn makes it even more difficult for you to perform. Be completely honest with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 Consider getting a prescription for Viagra from your doctor if it's compatible with the other meds. Women sometimes take it personally if you soften even if there's good reason. If she want's to come from PIV, trying the "riding high" position may help. It's quite similar to normal missionary and similar F-2-F positions but the shaft of your penis is higher up towards the "top" of her vagina, stimulating the clit more. Standing F-2F is good for this, but it can be done in other ways as well with a little position adjustment. Also try cowgirl (you lying down, she straddled on you) as this lets her control where you are inside her. Of course, none of this will matter too much if you can't maintain, hence the Viagra suggestion. All that said, personally I wouldn't trust or accept this open relationship thing if I was strongly emotionally attached. Every woman's different so maybe it is just about "scratching the itch," but there's a good chance what she's really doing is try outs for your replacement and if you stick around you're likely to be quite hurt. You found her, maybe find another girl who will commit to you fully? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadboy123 Posted December 23, 2019 Author Share Posted December 23, 2019 5 hours ago, JTSW said: If you're not happy with her 'open relationship' suggestion then you need to tell her straight that you feel crushed by it. Tell her that is not what you want because of how much you love her and the thought of her with someone else really hurts you. You need to be completely honest with her. The thing is, I'm not 100% sure that I would hate that. I'm not that much into cuckoldery, but I have a big dom/sub fantasy and crushing my pride and giving her more power over me (the power to make me feel humiliated and submissive) feels kind of exciting to me tbh. With that being said, I'm still scared to feel hurt and uncomfortable once the kinky excitment fades away. Still worth a try I guess... Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 (edited) You are young and this is probably one of your first really serious relationships... So, I’m going to tell you - when one truly has feelings for another person, when one truly loves them - one doesn’t do stupid things like ask for an open relationship after two months. This isn’t likely to end well - which will be fine, because it will give you some experience and it will allow you to go in search of someone who will love you and show you the respect you deserve. Edited December 23, 2019 by BaileyB 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadboy123 Posted December 23, 2019 Author Share Posted December 23, 2019 37 minutes ago, mark clemson said: Consider getting a prescription for Viagra from your doctor if it's compatible with the other meds. Women sometimes take it personally if you soften even if there's good reason. All that said, personally I wouldn't trust or accept this open relationship thing if I was strongly emotionally attached. Every woman's different so maybe it is just about "scratching the itch," but there's a good chance what she's really doing is try outs for your replacement and if you stick around you're likely to be quite hurt. She's pretty straight-forward so I got no reason to not believe her, for now at least. So I tend to believe her when she says she will keep it casual and dump the other guy as soon as I'm able to maintain. It's still true that I could get hurt tho. I will also definately consider viagra! I have a scheduled appointment with my doctor in a month or so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadboy123 Posted December 23, 2019 Author Share Posted December 23, 2019 4 minutes ago, BaileyB said: You are young and this is probably one of your first really serious relationships... So, I’m going to tell you - when one truly has feelings for another person, when one truly loves them - one doesn’t do stupid things like ask for an open relationship after two months. This isn’t likely to end well - which will be fine, because it will give you some experience and it will allow you to go in search of someone who will love you and show you the respect you deserve. So do you think I should give it a try to see where it leads even if it might end bad? Link to post Share on other sites
VIOLET EDEN Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 If you really think an open relationship will crush you, then do not do it. If you think this will help you and make you feel better, then do it. You should do what makes you feel better. You should also tell her how talking about her dissatisfaction and blaming you, has made you feel down. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Super Phantom Posted December 25, 2019 Share Posted December 25, 2019 It's time to dump her. If she is into having an open relationship then she's not really that into you. Go find someone that really desires you. Sexual pleasure is way more mental than what people realize. Plus 30 min away and "busy" more than likely she may have someone now that she is interested in. Just cut your losses and move on. She wasn't worth the time and the worse thing in life is wasted time. Your time is too valuable to be wasting it on someone that wants to sleep around but benefit from having an emotional connection with you. Don't be a cuckold. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadboy123 Posted December 26, 2019 Author Share Posted December 26, 2019 (edited) 18 hours ago, Super Phantom said: It's time to dump her. If she is into having an open relationship then she's not really that into you. Go find someone that really desires you. Sexual pleasure is way more mental than what people realize. Plus 30 min away and "busy" more than likely she may have someone now that she is interested in. Just cut your losses and move on. She wasn't worth the time and the worse thing in life is wasted time. Your time is too valuable to be wasting it on someone that wants to sleep around but benefit from having an emotional connection with you. Don't be a cuckold. It's more me who's busy and it's not cuckoldery if I sleep with other people too. And she's looking right now for a regular hookup (approx. once a week) so she doesn't already have someone in mind. She just wants to be satisfied until my little problems are solved (she's been very clear about it, and wrote it on her tinder bio that she's in an open relationship and is just looking for fun) Edited December 26, 2019 by sadboy123 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted December 26, 2019 Share Posted December 26, 2019 This relationship will be a trainwreck. A few months in and she is telling you, I'm going to sleep with other guys until you can satisfy me. A few months in? Listen your super young, I would you suggest you at least downgrade for from "serious" GF to just a hookup and look for someone who is a better fit. Although, I honestly believe getting her out of your life would be the wisest thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 You've barely been together for any time and she is already complaining. She could try to be understanding and you are clearly making every effort to satisfy her. I'm afraid she's just not a kind person. She expects something different and, quite frankly, you would be better off letting her go. If she cared about you, she would be trying to make this work too and appreciating what you are doing. She sounds selfish. It's just a matter of time before she is unfaithful so, if I were you, I'd dump her now before she has chance. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Super Phantom Posted December 29, 2019 Share Posted December 29, 2019 On 12/25/2019 at 11:16 PM, sadboy123 said: It's more me who's busy and it's not cuckoldery if I sleep with other people too. And she's looking right now for a regular hookup (approx. once a week) so she doesn't already have someone in mind. She just wants to be satisfied until my little problems are solved (she's been very clear about it, and wrote it on her tinder bio that she's in an open relationship and is just looking for fun) Men don't share women. Paternity issues may arise. No man wants to invest in some kid thatf isn't their kid. As a man you have to be king the end all be all in the relationship. If you have multiple women it's ok but not cool. In the case of her having other men it's a definite no no and dumpable offense. It's about to be 2020 men need to be men again not the garbage these women want you to be Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted January 4, 2020 Share Posted January 4, 2020 (edited) I don't encourage the open relationship idea. This will only make you feel more inferior, more lonely, and eventually break your heart. Honestly, you might perform better if she didn't put that much pressure on you..... I suggest you end it as friends. Edited January 4, 2020 by Noproblem 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts