I feel guilty/ bad about our breakup?

[Brendlolita]

My ex and I met last year because we were in the same class. At that time he was already taken.

 

We got on well at the beginning, we went out (he usually asked me) and went to the cinema and so and so. Then the first feelings developed for me and I confessed that to him. He said he couldn't really return those feelings because he was forgiven. Nevertheless, he continued to flirt with me and gave me hopes, and then somehow clung to my hope that we could become something. He then broke up with his girlfriend in April and immediately afterwards he confessed to me that he had long developed feelings for me and that he now wanted to be with me. But I didn't want to, because I wanted to enjoy this phase and get to know him better than I already did, so that we could then have a good relationship. But somehow he desperately wanted a relationship all the time, and then after a while he started talking about sex. At first I thought it was funny, but then I realized that our chat conversations were just about it. For one of our real dates (I think that was the first one) he wanted me to put on something short, which I found strange and thank God also didn't do. After we went to the cinema, he wanted to give me my breasts, but I resisted. But since I was so in love with him, I saw about it.

 

Then the first arguments came because he sometimes went too fast, treated me like a naive thing, or I was very jealous that he was constantly watching or looking at other girls in class. I had to say that was exaggerated by me, but since I really liked him and he was somehow my first love, I didn't want to lose him. Then I found out that he was sex-texting with another girl and ignored him for a while. Then he asked me about it and I told him everything, we had an argument and I couldn't trust him anymore. We reconciled somehow later, but it got weird anyway. I felt that he would rave about other girls and would rather be with them than with me, and that made me more sad than jealous. So I sent him a text message that we should rather leave it and that we should only remain friends. He said that's the way it was and I didn't think anything of it.

 

A few days later, I tried to build a good relationship between us, which worked well, and my ex told me that he was looking for a new one. I was so happy for him because I knew how difficult our relationship was and he deserved something better. It was a good friend of mine, but I didn't mind. A few weeks later, the two came together. Our friendship has developed into a negative:

 

My ex always said how important I was to him but never got in touch. After 6 weeks silence, he wrote me how much we would miss me and that he would like to meet me again. Since I felt uncomfortable to meet him alone, I invited a few of our buddies. It actually went quite well. However, he was always looking for attention and as soon as I spoke to one of his colleagues alone, he intervened or sought attention as always. But later, because I thought everything was fine, I wrote to him again and replied as coldly as the times from where I tried to get in touch with him. So I decided to break the contact because I had the feeling that he was only using me and that he would take me for granted.

 

That was just before the summer vacation. I might have thought if I stopped writing to him that he would come back someday, but he didn't. I used the holidays to mourn and I felt much better then. He hadn't called the whole vacation and I did the same to him.

 

When school started again, he ignored me at the beginning. Then he tried to make me jealous with his new girlfriend. Then he tried to contact me the following weeks. Incidentally, we are no longer in the same class. My class and his class have German classes together. He somehow managed to grab my circle of friends because it is as if I suddenly no longer exist when he is there. My friends talk to him all the time and if I then force a conversation, he somehow manages to turn them away from me. It is totally annoying. 

I have already initiated my new friends about him, but somehow it doesn't seem to interest them because they continue anyway. And he also knows that my friends are important to me, but he still tries to take them away from me.

 

He also tells about everyone that I left him because I was having an affair with another, I was totally disrespectful, I was naive and a liar.

 

I feel so guilty now, I don't know if I'm really such a bad person ...

 

I have the feeling that he only wants to take revenge, but I didn't deserve this revenge because I didn't do anything.

[spiderowl]

It sounds like your ex desperately wanted to move quickly and have a sexual relationship with you but you wanted to get to know him better, to date, and see how you got on.  There is nothing wrong with the way you wanted to do things but he put too much pressure on you and you backed out.

 

I can see both of you were confused and upset at the break-up but I think you were right in sensing that his motives were not the same as yours.  You still feel emotionally involved with him and he with you but it just seems like the wrong time for both of you.  Maybe when he has matured a bit, things will be different but at the moment, I think you should separate yourself off from him and see if you can find a guy that will go at your pace and consider your feelings more.