Straight from the MM's mouth

[pennydrop]

OWs on this forum understandably have lots of questions for the rare MM who shows up brave enough to field them. Because so much of my affair was via email, I feel like I have an obligation to share the "MM's side," knowing full well that most of what they say/write to us is bulls***. But I thought I'd post what I still regard as the only honest thing my xMM ever said to me. This was in response to my accusing him of being with many other women, not just me (his OW).

 

"Our time together was a series of Facebook selfies and snapshots that captured extremes but left out all the drab, blah, and ugliness.  And truthfully, if we were  together 24/7 you would’ve seen the loner, the brooder, the emotional controller.  And while you seem to have figured me out, it was really only alluded to in our time together and “stories”.  It’s an ugly truth.  The monster in the mirror.  You’d have tried to break-through; I’d have pushed you away.  Passive aggressive kicks in at some point.   I think you’ve done a good job filling in the blanks.  And to quote you below 'it’s actually not about you'.   As i look back, there were so many opportunities to let go.  Get you outta this thing with only a skinned knee.  But I wanted to need you.  And you’ve already answered the question of whether i really wanted you...whether i loved you.  As for need, i can’t 'need' anybody."

 

Lovely person, right? He wrote this to me in 2018. I'm just now in Week One of no contact. Yeah, seriously. RUN.

Edited December 24, 2019 by pennydrop

[Beentheretoooften]

Scorned OW outnumber Cheating MM on here maybe 75-1.    At least.   You would think all the mm are scum.  But it’s very likely closer to 50/50, and certainly both of them are at fault in most A’s.   

[DKT3]

I dont think many of these MM are horrible people, no more so then the MW/OW.  What happens in most of these affair is it's one thing and suddenly the MW/OW has a shift in expectations and assume that MM is on the same level. Well, in order to maintain the affair he tells her what he needs to.

 

Sometimes the shift in expectations happen even with the MM being upfront about the situation.  As was stated in the quote,  these women fill in the gaps, make the wife and family the default problem.  Convince themselves it's too complicated for him to leave. Even when they themselves are 100% ready to destroy their marriage and family to be with MM. 

[pepperbird]

Maybe it really is a form of addiction.
There's a really short animated video that sums it up really well. Addiction to anything, even emotions, can be such a tough thing to break. Even worse, with emotions, it's all in your own mind- you cant run from yourself.

[Naivewomen]

Well said Pepperbird! You cant run from yourself. Its absolutely an addiction! 

[mark clemson]

The quote seems a bit melodramatic. Maybe he's just like that or he's in "high drama"/self-reflection mode due to the emotions of the affair. Then again maybe he's genuinely quite messed up and very aware of it.

 

As much as I agree that not all MM are completely awful people, some are. If he's telling you he is, you are wise to at least listen and assess what's being communicated for yourself.

[Beentheretoooften]

On 12/24/2019 at 10:19 AM, mark clemson said:

 

As much as I agree that not all MM are completely awful people, some are. If he's telling you he is, you are wise to at least listen and assess what's being communicated for yourself.

for every mm that is awful, you get an ow that has way too high expectations. Or OW, that purposely seek out an mm for an A.  We have one on here now posting how happy she is to just be sleeping with NSA to one.   That’s just as sick imo.   Merry Christmas to everyone.  No matter who is hurting, keep perspective of everything you do have.   Whether it’s health, family or whatever it is.  

[Hip Pocket]

Perhaps the title of this thread should have been called, “Straight from one MM’s mouth” because not all MM are the same and neither are OP or BS for that matter. 

[Prudence V]

12 hours ago, Pocket said:

Perhaps the title of this thread should have been called, “Straight from one MM’s mouth” because not all MM are the same and neither are OP or BS for that matter. 

Absolutely! My fMM (now H) would not have said anything of the sort. 

[Hip Pocket]

8 hours ago, Prudence V said:

Absolutely! My fMM (now H) would not have said anything of the sort. 

Neither has mine, not in the many years we’ve been together. 
 

We cannot take one MM’s words and believe those words stand for all MM.