A Messy Break Up

[LK123]

Hey all,

 

To provide a brief context, we recently split in September after a relationship which was rocky partly due to driving each other mad (not enough space etc, living in each other’s shoes), but also (on my part) as a result of a friend she had (which was a boy). Basically I always trusted her with this boy, who she used to go cinema with etc and she said they were “always just friends” until one day, she said they’d kissed etc after a few drinks. They both have a history as went through apprenticeship together etc, he lives close by, and has been one of her only friends since she moved up this way. Anyway, long story short, we split in September after me moving out her house etc and now I currently live around 5 miles away given my work is close by. NB, we have a dog we brought up together. 

 

Following on from the split, we didn’t see each other for a while until around October when I’d come round to hers, to look after and see the dog etc. Following that, we started running together etc and doing more stuff until eventually we kept sleeping with each other and staying around hers frequently etc. We both said multiple times that we loved each other etc. This all started feeling good until she admitted to me the other day that she had that freind around the other night (of which initially had just “freind intentions” but they kissed and she said she pullled away). She did tell me she was having him around for an innocent few drinks “as friends” so that night, I was feeling quite nervous as it was. The thing is, she had the cheek to message me at 12pm saying along the lines of  “not to worry, nothing happened” only for her to admit they kissed the next day after going around to her house feeling anxious. Whilst she continues to say to me that “they are just freinds” and continue to see each other every few weeks (whether that be cinema, drinks etc), I honestly feel we could never have any future with that guy around. My concern is, he will always be lurking around and in the background, hence there can be no future. When we were together, I said that she couldn’t speak to him, of which I found out there had been a few phone calls just innocently of which she argued that it’s hard to lose a good friend that has helped her settle in the area etc. 

 

Anyway, we are both not seeing each other over Christmas up to new year and have decided that we will both have a think over what we should do in 2020 I.e whether to try again with this being easier as we don’t live together etc or to just leave it completely and move on. I have also been looking to relocate, with a potential job move early in the year to facilitate a new change. She said she is 50/50 on everything and needs a few days to come to a decision. 
 

it’s hard as I honesty do love the girl but I feel that this such boy in the background will unfortunately just be the stumbling block and will just, no matter what, give me trust issues understandably and life’s too short for that! Sometimes they say a leopard never changes its spots, and maybe this is the case with this situation and that unfortunately the only way is to just move on and find someone new while I’m young! 
 

just interested to see what everyone thinks

[spiderowl]

It sounds like neither of you can decide.  She is dallying with this other guy and would not want to lose him and you would be insecure if he was around.  I think, given that you are uncertain and she is only 50/50, you would be better moving on.  

[Daisydooks]

On 12/24/2019 at 1:43 AM, LK123 said:

The only way is to just move on and find someone new while I’m young! 
 

 

You answered your own question. 

 

You're young. Move on. Promise. 

 

What redeeming qualities are you holding onto? 

 

[schlumpy]

I don't hear commitment from her which means it's ok to pursue that which is important to your own life. If she feels like she's losing something really good I think she may follow. If not, then she can use her backup plan.