Regret giving second chance

[hiksot]

 

First of all, english is not my native language. I will make this as brief as possible.

 

We were in 6 years RS at the time she broke with me, we lived together for 5 years. Once i started with nightshift work, i noticed she was going out with her colleagues more often.

One day i was from 9pm to 5 am at work, she was out with her friends, and i told her to call me when she goes home. She called me in 3:30 am and i said call me when u are actually home...wich she didnt. I got scared and tried to call her, but phone was turned off. I left the job, went home, and she was not there. I went to the police since i couldnt get her on phone, and we were searching for an hour, when she turned her phone on. She came back home at 5am, knowing i was at work until 5am. When i came home all stressed i was so mad, and asked her where she was and she said "I got so hungry so i went to eat (she never goes alone at night, especially not to eat, knowing that i will be back in an hour, i couldve bought something instead). When i told her that i checked at that bakery she wanted to eat, and she was not there, she came up with the story that alcohol hit her hard and she didnt eat anything but went for a walk, and lost herself bcs she was drunk, but she claimed she got only 2 glasses of wine. She said i was just walking around and i was totally lost, i was searching for a known street so i can get back home. Somehow i wanted to believe and i forgive her. 25 days later i was out with my colleagues( i left at 9pm) and i told her i will come back at around 1am, but i lied, i came a lot earlier, at 10:30am and she was not at home, i felt terrified. I called her from home, acted like im still out with my friends, asked her what is she doing, she said "im home watching movies". I told her that im home and she is lying she said no "im at home watching X movie dont say BS". Few seconds later she said, okay im not home im comming fast. after 20 minutes she came home, well dressed with parfume, i asked here where she was and why she is lying, she said "i was just walking around neighborhood, and i didnt call u so u dont have to worry about me being out at night alone". Somehow i was stupid enough to believe and i forgive her second time. Month later, i though we were on good terms, when out of the blue, she wrote me a letter, saying that she is not seeing me as good father to our "future" childrens, and i have to leave in order for her to be happy. I begged, pleaded, but i left her. Begged and pleaded for a week or two and i went no contact after that, blocked her everywhere. 3 months later she came back, asking for reconcilliation and how she is sorry and that she made misstakes too. 2 weeks later we were together again. After our reconciliation she started to pay for everything, even our summer vacation, and is so nice to me, i feel like she feel a lot of guilt for what she did. Now a year later, i got a crush on very beautiful girl, she got a crush on me aswel, and i kinda regret taking my GF back. I got all the bad memories about her, how she lied, how she dumped me out of the blue and threw everything on me like its all my fault. I dont know what to do, and im not certain if she cheated, but all those things she did to me are making me to think that she did.

Did she cheated on me in your opinion guys? Should i leave her even if i still have feelings for her, but i cant trust her like i did before, and i always think she might dump me again out of the blue, and if we have kids later it will be harder for me.

tl;dr GF lied to me about being home for couple of times, month later she dumped out of the blue saying its all my fault and that i will be a bad father for our "future childrens" and that she is better alone. 3 months later she came back. 1 year after our reconciliation i regret taking her back and i have crush on a girl who has crush on me and she is 10/10 but she is 17 and im 26.

Edited December 24, 2019 by hiksot

[Pleasant-Sage]

No proof that she had a physical affair but it's possible since she was lying about where she was. She could have straightened out and learned her lesson but no way to know that either. I wouldn't have kids with that woman until the relationship is a whole lot more solid.

 

I also would not entertain your crush on the 17 year old. Not sure where you are from but in the US, society is going to see that as an adult dating a kid and question your way of thinking. 

[schlumpy]

I think you could have found out if she was cheating if you had wanted to. All the classic signs were there. Then the breakup. The grass wasn't greener so she went to her back up plan which is you.

 

That you took her back with no consequences which makes you an enabler of her actions and I doubt she will hesitate in the future when another guy she thinks is Mr. Right comes along. You are just a placeholder and one she can keep happy by spending a little money.

 

Accept your blissfully ignorant situation or start digging around and find out what happened. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Daisydooks]

Dump her if you're not happy and cant trust her. I wouldnt trust her from all  you have shared here. Nope. I dont know what she did, but she shouldnt have needed to lie about being home when she wasnt. She may not have cheated but she is a liar. 

Dump the kid, too. Nothing good will come out of dating a teenager when you're 26. 

[hiksot]

Its over,  found out she cheated a year ago. She threw 7 beautiful years, thats it, i will find a better one even tho its so hard for me right now! 

Edited December 28, 2019 by hiksot

[schlumpy]

I'm sorry it ended this way but I admire that you took the steps to protect yourself even though the end result is pain. I think you will find someone more worthy.